I woke up today and took little MICKEY on his morning poop walk…holy jeepers it was a hot day… then I went to the gym.. there was this man that reminded me of JACK LALANNES (he was soo cute) came up to me and started teachimg me how to do free weights properly… ahhh found a blessing there… I try to remain teachable… and I actually learn….woooow ! What a concept … I learned how to do some crazy stuff today … I also learned that when u do new things u get super sore…..ouch…I’ve said this before but since CELEBRITY REHAB WRAPPED I’VE NOW LOST OVER 20LBS… I FEEL GREAT WITH WERE I AM WITH MY WEIGHT ,BODY AND HEALTH….I mean I’m an addict I would love to tighten up lose more etc etc… more more more!!!!!!!! but from 257lbs I’ve come a long way… I remember I said if I could ever get to blah blah blah I would be so happy then 3 wks ago I got there then I said ok ok but if I could get blah blah blah that would be it. Haaaa! I so had to check myself, quickly… I’ve  passed my dream goal from when I was heavy so it’s a MIRACLE and a blessing from here on… oddly since my last relationship ended I’ve been able to drop the last 20 lbs, maybe that weight was still protecting me…maybe just from me or…..life?

I went and got my nails did and toes … went shopping for my mama and then came back to her house where I just couldn’t anymore… I just passed out and slept for 45 minutes and hard….then my little brother came in and we had a premiere party the 4 of us… MY MAMA , BROTHER, LITTLE MICKERS AND ME! I have to say I was filled w anxiety all day …my people pleasing kicked in, would I be liked? etc etc…at the end of the day it’s a show about addiction and bringing awareness to the disease and  it is sooooo REAL…. helping others not about me… but some fb’ed me and said it’s probably about the responsibilities thats the bigger picture and he was right….the responsibilities of a show like this that come with it…the show is edited and there are a lot of things I wish u guys got to see….I’m honored to do what I do but I am passionate about all the things I do… it’s not just recovery based stuff that I do, but that’s alway’s first. The more I put myself out there on shows about recovery the harder I have to work on my recovery and I effing do that ….. I have to…

SEASON PREMIERE OF CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON AIRED TONIGHT! It’s amazing all day STEVEN ADLER AND I have been txting each other … we are all good guys… I was in the bathroom trying to hide the fact I was crying but being mic’d they hear everything… so I was told to come out and gratefully Shelly was still there to walk me thru that… being on a team is such a blessing this season for me….compared to SOBERHOUSE… I learned and grew so much from this experience and the whole cast … I am receiving a lot of support from everyone…BAI LING also has been txting me … she has a powerful story …. MICHAEL LOHAN has called today too, but we talk a lot as do I with JEREMY JACKSON… JEREMY IS THE ONE WHO HELPED ME LOSE MY LAST 20LBS …. he knows his fitness that one…. well he helped a lot  for a bit….I still talk w DWIGHT”DOC”GOODEN ALL THE TIME (love love love him) and little JESSICA”SUGAR”KIPER as well…. I remain close with them …. they are very brave to put there life and isssues out there….

I am doing a fashion show tomorrow at the “ROXY”!!!!! but in the morning, it’s a super early rise and shine  for me… 6am wake up , then I go do my group at PRC then out to L.A for the week…. have gym, an aa meeting ,interviews on phone for CELEB REHAB  until I have to go to “ROXY” for rehearsals and hair and make up then show… apparently I’m opening the show… aghhhhhhhh…I haven’t done a FASHION SHOW IN A BILLION YRS….. I’ve got a busy wk but I am so blessed….. I ask GOD TO SINK MY BOAT W BLESSINGS lately ….I’M READY…. I LOVE U GUYS (even the ones who read my blogs and dont tell me). xoxoxo

im w my girlfriend Miss.Amy Hall right now… we just finished going to Anita Pointers house for a fitting(one of the Pointer sisters) i was asked to do a fashion show and introduce the opening of the benefit…i have to say i love fashion shows… as a model i did it all magazines,campaigns,videos and runway etc… BUT… Runway fashion shows was always my favorite,always…. so its gonna be fun…. wow and my costumes are beyond fabulous and theatrical…

i had an uber full day and its only going to get insane and uber duber busy for me…hell who am i kidding its already there… im living my dream and have to realize to smile and enjoy the ride…

i ran into an x boyfriend CHRIS KATTAN today and i was soooo truly happy to see him… we literally bumped into each other …we talked for a while and i was able to really appreciate our time together while talking… im grateful he was in my life back in the day… we dated for 2 1/2 yrs, many,many moons ago… making an amends is a beautiful thing…. i wish him only happiness and greatness….

i worked this morning ,went to an AA meeting , gym and other things then finally my fitting for the fashion show benefit…

ive been spending time with many wonderful friends … ive had some pretty God shot moments… im not alone today… im realizing that I AM LOVED AND I HAVE PEOPLE WHO TRULY CARE FOR ME ….

oh i have been doing the stairmasters at the gym and its sooo friggin painful i want to die but im increasing my speed and my body is loving the results… why does it have to hurt so much to work damn ittttttt?

im getting the oooopzis rightr now which well for us woman means….so all im thinking about tonight is Mc.Donalds and pizza… yummmmmmmy…. no.. i wont tonight im heading to sleep and praying this too shall pass….

Im so PROUD TO CALL MYSELF AN AMERICAN!

My little brother DWIGHT  graduated USC and decided after 911  to go FIGHT for OUR country… He served Our country for 6yrs in the NAVY… He was on the USS CARL VINSON for 4 yrs…his position there was quite an extraordinary one…. he fought in the war and did so much in those 6 yrs that is beyond my own understanding… i find my baby brother and ALL THE MEN AND WOMAN WHO SERVE OUR COUNTRY TO BE THE TRUE HEROS of this NATION!!!! Im in AWE OF U ALLL… THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE COURAGE,HEART,SWEAT AND TEARS U HAVE PUT IN FOR ALL OF US TO HAVE FREEDOM….

ive been eating clean lately ,which has been such an effort and choice that ill tell u is not an easy one…for the last 3 wks i gave up oils,butters,fat,meat ,carbs,dairy and sugar….. i went on stevia and gave up sweetners…. oh sweet LORD the torture… this wk im back on oils ,olive oil that is, almond oil or coconut oil…. also ive been eating in small portions and clean …lots of lemon and white fish ,crab,shrimp andveggies at a x…ill tell u more later… but 13 lbs is off… oh and WATER lots of it about a gallon….

i just got called in for more OTFs for CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5 this THRUS eve…. I also have an event to go to THRUS NITE!..gonna be a busy evening…

its kinda mind blowing that were in MAY already…. How and why does time fly soooooo fast!

yesterday i was walking MICKEY and he did his poopie dutie outside and here i am with a bag … all proud doing my dutie as his poopie dutie cleaner upper and i scoop up his doodoo and sure enough there was a hole in the bag so i got his poopie dutie all over my fingers….aghhhhhhhh smudged mind u all over my fingers and hand….ahhh the perks of being a mommy…

so much has happened in my life in the last few months….so to retract it all would be crazy… lets just say CHANGE in big ways have occured …

this week was a super busy week for me…On WED I did Group at PRC then OTFs for CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5(which means reshoots)then work meetings afterwards…they were great meetings… I did “ISSUES W JANE VALEZ MITHCELL” ON THURS… that show is on HEADLINELINE NEWS  . I have been so blessed w doing JVM…I am completely in awe of her and her strength…I LOVE the HEADLINE NEWS and CNN family…then straight after CNN STUDIOS I went to THE PRISM AWARDS ,PRESENTED,DID GREEN SCREEN INTERVIEWS,DID PRESS LINE AND PRESS INTERVIEWS FOR THE SHOW AND SOBER HOUSE 2 WAS NOMINATED… I had a blast…On FRI i presented DR.GABOR MATE at THE SKIRBALL CULTRAL CENTER for WITERS IN TREATMENT which I found him to be so insightful. these are the things i did but theres sooooo much more that goes on in my 24hrs…

right now I am in the best shape i have been in a very long time…Ill eventually talk about that soon…

Today i got up at 1pm which was nice but i also went to bed at 5am…8hrs has been something ive lacked lately…

THIS NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE ….I have such a great support team between my family and friends and recovery family…its time to BELIEVE in me and hold tightly to GOD…

went to the movies w my brother tonight ,  church , to the gym and washed my car today .. now catching up on my JOURNAL and some texts…have to get up super early have a luncheon benefit early so i have to get my hair and makeup done. taking my godma PATTY B tomorrow w me then I am spealking at an AA meeting… xoxoxoxo

what a HOT summer day today has been… i actually started my day off by doing something i havent done in a long time…i went on a hike ,not just a little hike ,a 5 miles hike up the mountains in 100 degree wheather today …and i did it after 10 am… maybe not the smartest thing to do 1st time up this crazy mountain… i thought i was goin to die…but i ended up having a great time…then i dashed over to train w my trainer “BOSS” DARLENE… it was a comedy act at the gym cuz i was so dehydrated from the crazy billion mile hike… so we kinda took it in stride…i have been very SERIOUS about my training and taking care of my health… its taken me almost 2 yrs to get here… i am pleased with where i am at but very excited to get to where i want to go w my body…im btw 23-23.something % body fat … well, actually ill know exactly next week when i get measured and weighed again… people think i just lost the weight in a mointh or 3 , but actually its been a long and slow process cuz im proud to say ive done it correctly with the guide and assistant of  my trainer , nutritionist and getting regular check ups by doctors to make sure all is alright….but DARLENE has been my force…

i have been doing things “OUTSIDE THE BOX” for me lately…and ill give u more details later… im off to be with great girlfriends tonight and get some recovery as well…

ive missed writing on here for all u to see and hear my experiences…. im so grateful u all exist and have supported me along the way…oh ya i cant wait to hear back from you….