I was talking with a dear friend of mine a few weeks back and I had the “whoa is me” french cries saying how poor me doesn’t sleep & blah blah waaa waaa going on and he said “JENN ur living the dream baby girl, u get to do what ur passionate about ” which is “helping others and acting  and being in front of the camera, ur a do’er and an achiever, u don’t just dream it-U LIVE IT”-and right at that moment he put it all in perspective for me….so to u Darin I am grateful to have been called out like that….sometimes I just need to be reminded…

I have to say that I am sooooo happy in my life. I feel like crying from the joy… thru all the good and all the hard times I have peace overall…

This “dating JENNY and GOD phase” has been healing for me.  I do have hope that someone will be able to be my PARTNER and be whole heartedly invested in me and I in them…setting an UNORTHODOX way of life for us both , where we are safe, IN LOVE, happy, fully committed and 100% for each other. Until then JENNY and her big man upstairs isn’t so bad. He brings me blessings.

This past Sunday I was on CELEBRITY REHAB REVISITED on VH1. It showed some of the cast from CELEB REHAB Season 2 and SOBERHOUSE…like my sweet ANDY DICK…and Amber,Nikki, and Rodney. I had no idea that it was going to be on-but boy was it a bitterly sweet show to see. That show, time and experience changed me and my life on every level…and has helped keep me sober till this day…and more imporantly, it helped so many people all over the world. These precious people I’ve lived with for a month….they were so brave. I keep in contact with all of them.

On Monday they announced me in the movie I am doing “CHASTITY BITES”… I was thrilled … the movie is  so hysterical. I’m blown away by the writing …Lotti rocked it….she’s the writer…a BRILLIANT writer….you’ll be surprised by my character. It’s something I’ve never played before!!!!!!!!!!

On Monday night I was also on the teaser of  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS  season 2 for next weeks episode. I’m happy to say that I’ve shot a few episodes of that show with my BEST FRIEND BRANDI GLANVILLE -she is on this season…we’ll see what airs. I will be on the show more than just next week …I gather…

I also have been working at Klean Center and other places…I love doing groups. It’s amazing being able to study human behavior, mental disorders and drug addiction…I’m learning so much.  I love it….

I have a lot of ANGELS out there like Chula , Anna ,and so many more that I can’t even begin to THANK for UR LOVE AND SUPPORT …it’s been …well a tough one and THANK U ALL for helping me keep on keeping on…really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart…

I’ve been working out and have been consistant with it and eating the best that I can. My body has changed even more lately….

so my JENNISM moment….I’m with a friend of mine this past Tuesday nite and something was said that was funny so what happens ….I start laughing out loud and snot comes out….ya not my finest moment…seriously my cool factor is so NON EXISTENT….at least I haven’t taken a tumble this week or ran into anything….thus far…..

Oh it’s the holiday season!!! I cant believe the end of the year is just a blink of an eye away…because all this has happened this year I KNOW 2012 is gonna ROCK…BRING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STAR Magazine Photo Shoot. Credits:(Shot by photographer Shawna Ankenbrandt. Hair by Sean James for Sebastian Professional at Opus Beauty. Makeup by Cameron Cohen).

                       Link to   STAR Magazine Photo Shoot (courtesy of RadarOnline.com)

I have to remember that “This is the Best Time of the Year.” I love this time-Fall/Winter. Ohhh it’s simply beautiful. I went to my storage unit the other day with my mom….ughhhh, I became so overwhelmed. I opened the unit up-and I literally saw my whole life…boxed up. Since I moved out of my X’s 4 months ago,I haven’t had to go there. We work so hard for “things” blahhhhh…but living simple has become so delightful for me. The season is changing,so that calls for a wardrobe change as well. YaY! Boots, sweaters, scarves, jackets and layers! I’m about to leave for work right now. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I have been reading your comments,emails,tweets &wall posts. I will blog later today answering questions like…
weight loss/exercise/some eating tips
fashion
sobriety
and some other things…
For those of you leaving me messages on here-(as well as on TWITTER &FACEBOOK)-I will try to address some of your questions. Please forgive me if I don’t answer all of them. Leave me questions on here or via Twitter/FB…and I’ll respond later on. Keep warm today….& love who you are right at this moment…because you do matter…and you are worthy of love….

Yesterday RADAR ONLINE posted my bikini/weight loss story with 19 pics (all in bikinis)…from the STAR MAGAZINE SHOOT!!!! It’s been scary to have shown my body pretty much bare…and on many levels it’s as if I’ve left myself with very little to hide behind (I’ve exposed my insides and out now) and U guys have embraced me with your love/PROTECTION and spirit. I’ll explain later if u don’t get what I’m trying to say.

If it had inspired 1 person out there-or allows someone to relate on any level…then my story served and serves it’s purpose. WE CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING IN LIFE. I PROMISE U THAT….

I found myself wanting to pick up the phone and call my dad this week… I have this moment thats like “oh I can’t wait to tell my dad…. he will be so happy… ” and BOOM it’s a 5 second delay and I just get shocked as if “WHY IS HE NOT HERE DAMN IT”!!!!!!!! I write this with tears pouring down my face …then I realize it’s just one of those things that I have to accept. I’ve had one of the best weeks of my life…so much growth,miracles and break throughs happened…

I’m on day 10 of “EATING CLEAN’ diet… really it’s not a diet, it’s a way to detox ur body of all the crap one can consume…. …honestly it’s just really clean eating. For 2 days before I start,I eat as much and whatever I want. If u look in my past blogs from 2010 you’ll see my blogging of my weight loss even prior to that….it seriously did not happen over night and I tend to eat what I like;I’ve learned so much about my body and it being like a machine. I ask alot of questions and take vitamins like fish oils, womens multi vitamins and many others. Everyone is different so I take what I find works for me. I also work out differently (weekly or daily)….shocking my body is key…but eating correctly is the secret. The “eating clean” is everything organic, no oils , no butters, lemons…and Stevia is one of my best friends. I swam today and have been doing cardio this past wk…. and in my cardio I make sure my heart rate is between 130 to 140… it allows me to burn fat,not muscle…and since I’m eating very little calories-throughout the day I get a bit tired. I do alot of situps and light weights. I will be on this for 3 more days…it allows me to get my metabolism up. I’ve lost a good amount of weight,which is incredible…

I worked with my sponsor this week for over 6 hrs , worked w sponsies, attended meetings. I also hung out on Thurs. morning w JAMIE LEE CURTIS and SHAWNA ANKENBRANT ( she is the photographer I shot STAR MAG with, she is sooo talented , I feel safe w/ her). On Fri. nite I went to ASHLEY HAMILTON’s birthday party his mom ALANA and my bff JIM HECHT threw for him. It was soooooo much fun… I laughed so hard. Last Monday my bff BRANDI GLANVILLE came out on HWOBH… a friend of ours had a gathering for her… I was and am very proud of her…

I think that I’m getting sick…. ughhh…

I have a few jobs lined up (coming soon)…oh & my STAR MAGAZINE article came out this week!!!! I can’t believe that I’m in a bikini for the whole world to see… wow I would have never believed that I would be back in a bikini shape body. I hope you all can see it ….more photos are coming out soon from that shoot…

I was on the PRISM Awards on FX last Sunday nite…. thank u to all who watched it…

Lately since the STAR MAG came out alot of people are asking me if I’m dating alot,or if my phone is blowing up with guys asking me out…and truth be told is “NO!” Not a date at all. I do think I’m close to ready or am ready,I think. My sponsor has me “dating myself”….saying things that I would want a guy to say to me. It’s odd but I’m doing it. I’m just so fragile and vulnerable right now-and I just don’t want to deal with getting hurt. I believe that I’ve healed from my past relationship. I must say,I have alot of male friends in my life who are amazing …. they are very special to me and I am blessed to have them…

Facebook and Twitter have been something that I’ve grown to love … only because of all the love and support I receive on there…I just love everyone on FB and Twitter… and I especially love U!!!!!

                                                   “The Parent Experiment” Podcast

It’s been such an amazing summer… I have never been so busy in my life… I can’t tell u the last time I was this happy… my life is very full. I have overcome alot… especially this year… and it’s been such a blessing having you guys, my family and friends in my life… finding Jenny has been a journey… yes it’s been up and yes it’s been down but having the ok’s and the grey’s of the black and whites is the key for me….

Today was my first day of not having to be somewhere by a certain time… I had alot of catching up to do… but I just paced myself… my calls backs for work stuff is quite a task but my personal call backs is by far the longest list I had….I just wanted to spend some time doing what I WANTED to do (today at some point) and it felt great… I got on computer early in the am and just said to myself “I just want to swim like a fish” and play w Dexter…so I did. I ended up doing 75 laps (1 lap=back and fourth once to me).  Then I made calls and off I went. I needed a meeting so I went, then work… coffee and to the gym were I worked out for 2hrs & 45 mins…I stopped and talked w a few familiar faces…one being a dear friend of mine GORDI HOFFMAN… he is so sweet & a brilliant writer and director , we did an abs class together.  Then I hit the steam room. I’ve been doing the steam room for the last week. Yesterday I worked in the am at PRC then went to visit my Mickey. I received an urgent call from someone,so I ended up doing a 12step call for like 5 hrs…till the evening… that drained me. My boy JIM  had a screening of our good friend ASHLEY HAMILTON’s movie that he produced at his house were I stay-so I came home to a house of about 14 people. I stayed up till 3am.  There were some pretty amazing people there like Sydney, Cara, Rome and other industry people whom I mostly know.  It was such a fantastic night w such creative people from actors, writers, producers, musicians and just all people in the the industry…(oh &I was in my work out gear, not so hot but oh so comfortable).  I love JIM so much and ASHLEY is a sweetheart… JIM’s like an angel for me. A friend of his stayed the night and we tortured him- talking poop talk and girl stuff around him … he’s easy to gross out. TUESDAY I worked and I have to say I was so nervous when I got asked to do this job I was like “SURE, NO PROB” then as soon as I got off phone a wk ago I was like “what the F did I just say…”  It was for a BIKINI SHOOT for a MAGAZINE…OMG…. I was stressing over this. I woke up at 6am and made coffee- drank it and boom I threw up like the exorcist from the nerves. I have to say the shoot was magical…SEAN JAMES, CAMERON COHEN, SHAWNA ANKENBRANT AND LEAH ORNSTEIN MADE ME FEEL AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL…. there were a few other people there but that was my core crew. We shot at such a gorgeous house in Bel Air… Sean put extensions in my hair for 3 hrs … the look was Hollywood Starlet Returns and  Homage to Sophia Loren and Rachel Welch….aghhhhh we’ll see how it turns out. The swimming has gotten me so much smaller….people lately stop me and say “oh my you are tiny…”  Makes me want to cry and people who haven’t seen me in a very very long time and friends now both say I’m back to my modeling day’s body. Again I’m in awwwwe and just want to cry … I FIGHT DAILY IN ALL MY AFFAIRS AND THE PAY OFF IS REWARDING… it’s breaking the old ideas of myself and of life . I do believe ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN LIFE…

I’m so tired that I’m going to go to sleep now…

I LOVE U

“The Decently Funny Show” Interview(animated)           “The Rico&Mambo Show” Interview

I’ve been bat s### crazy lately… I feel like a robot just going… I’ve been uplifted by ur love and encouragement…last week I did so much…I went to an event where USHER performed and it was fun…I did tv shows…podcasts…webisodes…interviews…business meetings/dinners/lunches,fittings, oh jeez and the list goes on…oh and then there’s somewhat of my personal life like gym, spending time w my mom,brother, little MICKEY,12 step meetings and seeing a couple of my friends…working w my sponsies, working thru my …well…. growing pains… it feels like the flood gates of all these new emotions are opening up…good and bad. I’m growing up…

I must say I’m losing alot of hair, got a terrible eye twitch(which I found out is from stress) , my face is breaking out like a 13 yr old boy hitting puberty, my voice goes in and out from exhaustion and I’m getting grays…I feel like I’m getting wrinkles and need toothpicks for my eyes… ya not so HOT….this too shall pass…it’s kinda hysterical to me at this point….

this week started crazy and ended cray …. I’m honestly goin’ 100mph…I did “ISSUES W JANE VALEZ MITCHELL”on Mon on HLN, more interviews this wk , I also did DR.DREW SHOW on HLN on Wed which was super AWESOME , did a few CANADIAN TV/TALK NEWS SHOWS, did live RADIO, ON CAMERA GREEN SCREEN SHOOTS, met w my MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO who ROCKS , vh1 Blogs, other blogs, did other TV SHOW, SPENT SOME TIME W friends like  BRANDI GLANVILLE AND TATUM ONEAL,SAW MY MAMA AND BROTHER AND LITTLE  MICKERZ , went to CHURCH, 12 step meetings, committments,GYM ,EVENTS, AND SOOOOOO SOOO SOOOO MUCH MORE… THIS WEEK WENT SO DAMN FAST I MEAN SUPER FAST I ALSO WENT TO DR’s WHO SAID I HAD LOST EVEN MORE WEIGHT …guess that’s good… I am eating and last 2 day’s somewhat slept… today I went to the gym then swam for 2 1/2 hrs which was so nice it was me and DEXTER a dog I’m watching he is soooo sweet… I love where I am this last wk…..tomorrow is a big day… I have CELEBRITY REHAB EPISODE 6 ON VH1 AT 9PM THEN AT 10PM I’M ON MY GOOD FRIEND TATUM ONEALS SHOW ON OWN NETWORK, which I haven’t seen so I’m a little nervous… but let me tell u this as I was in treatment 6 yrs. ago OPRAH gave me hope, at one point I was going to send her a letter asking her if I could go intern for her and share my experience of who I was and what I did…I never got the courage to go through with it- but she encouraged me as I’m sure she encourages the world…I had to save my life …I would pass out to meet her and here I am about to be on her NETWORK… miracles do exist…..OMG OMG OMG… I know that I sound like a geek , but I am, and I’m so grateful for my life today…

I know people are emailing me, tweeting and posting to me to “slow down” but u only have one life and this is my time right now to BE IN MY REALITY THAT I  ONLY HAD DREAMED OF BEFORE…SEIZE MY OPPORTUNITY, WHERE I GO THERE I AM….

I must say this week I cried a lot … sometimes in my car and I had alot of panic attacks cuz I am breaking old ways of thinking… for instance-that I’m not enough etc…the old ways of what was, no longer has to be in my life today…..the crying to me is healthy because I was told tears are signs of my soul and spirit healing….in the midst of my being a personality and image I am my true JENN self and I share that as I go thru it w my confidants and U as well… they tell me it’s ok to be me and that I must be going thru so much inwardly and they are here for me…at the same time I am holding it together while I go in a public arena…sometimes they (my friends and family) hugging me is ENOUGH…. I yearn for my loved ones to touch me it’s so soothing to me… and I’m saying  that in a loving & nurturing way….the human hand-touch is so powerful…well I’m off to bed cuz it’s a big day for me… I’m doing a few hrs. of me time in early am…. I’m taking myself out on a date… to the balcony to write, have some coffee then a swim and my nails did time, cuz I destroyed them from all the  stress, then off to work…. I LOVE U DEARLY…U are helping me HEAL  xoxooxoxo