It has been a FULL last few weeks… I really have grown up alot lately… I have been on the go for the past 6 months and I am proud to say I’ve learned alot. This whole new “single me” has been more joyful than scary-only because of the LOVE and SUPPORT from so many wonderful friends and family… I honestly never knew that I had this… also that “ask and u shall receive” really is true… I ask for HELP and I ask alot of questions to uncover, discover and discard things… what a trip this thing called life is…

CELEBRITY REHAB Season 5 has wrapped and now they are doing follow ups on the patients from the show … with only 1 more show this upcoming Sunday… then it’s a wrap…CELEBRITY REHAB & SOBERHOUSE has been such a blessing for me… I’m honored to have been a part of the shows and I’m more honored to know what had been wrong w me has turned out to be the biggest blessing-to help myself and countless others. No longer do we stand alone w the DISEASE of any addiction and anyone can overcome it if the are willing to do the work. It’s not alway’s easy but it’s so worth it….I stand by the motto “NO MATTER WHAT”….yes I still do the work on a daily basis … I turn it over daily… my story has just begun… there are many things in the works and many things that I have shot even T.V wise so I will keep u posted…and sooooo much more… I can’t wait to tell you about it…

I’m  doing “FASHION NIGHT OUT” this THURSDAY in  LOS ANGELES to help kick off FASHION WEEK in NEW YORK… they are doing it all over the country this week… and yours truly got asked to “OPEN” the fashion show (yes I’m MODELING in it) and then I am 1 of the CELEBRITIES speaking on different topics.. 1 of mine is  “Being Comfortable in Ur Own Skin”… Tori Spelling , Gregory Zarian and many others are doing it w me…. kinda super excited …  1 of my favorite things in the whole world has been doing RUNWAY… which I did all over the world … there is nothing better than walking a runway and becoming that look for the season, designer and era… I love it soooooo much….

Last week I bought a new car… OMG it was so stressful going into dealerships and looking for what I wanted within my budget and then dealing with the salesmen, which I have to say, some of them treated me like I was some dumb girl, quickly did they change their tone and way after being w me. I learned sooooooooo much from last week… it was like I grew up in an instant. I learned alot of lessons, BIG and small… I had and have-as someone special has told me for past 5 yrs – put my “BIG GIRL PANTIES ON” but some reliable men both friends and family stepped in to help… THANK GOD!!!! Sometimes I felt they (salesmen) were speaking Chinese to me , which I don’t understand… I did find myself so stressed out and to tell u the truth I just wished someone would have saved me… but I realized I CAN DO THINGS ON MY OWN and there is no easier or softer way of doing it but to just do it….BIG GIRL PANTIES….

I worked all day today and will for the  rest of the week also… I had someone come assist me for the day… which helped me alot. I’m taking too much on and it’s exhausting me … I wear many many hats in my life….

I have CELEBRITY REHAB’s last episode to do interviews on in early am, then my PRC group to do , a fitting for the fashion show , an audition, gym then in late  evening-then I’m getting a brazilian blowout for 3 hrs. or more …. long ass day tomorrow…

I’ve been eating rather healthy throughout all of the craziness… working out at the gym and swimming at least 5x’s a week. I’m doing new things at the gym-I’m shocking my body…I’m still at my lowest weight I’ve been in 8 to 10 yrs and most strongest physical shape I’ve ever been in…

It’s been such an amazing summer… I have never been so busy in my life… I can’t tell u the last time I was this happy… my life is very full. I have overcome alot… especially this year… and it’s been such a blessing having you guys, my family and friends in my life… finding Jenny has been a journey… yes it’s been up and yes it’s been down but having the ok’s and the grey’s of the black and whites is the key for me….

Today was my first day of not having to be somewhere by a certain time… I had alot of catching up to do… but I just paced myself… my calls backs for work stuff is quite a task but my personal call backs is by far the longest list I had….I just wanted to spend some time doing what I WANTED to do (today at some point) and it felt great… I got on computer early in the am and just said to myself “I just want to swim like a fish” and play w Dexter…so I did. I ended up doing 75 laps (1 lap=back and fourth once to me).  Then I made calls and off I went. I needed a meeting so I went, then work… coffee and to the gym were I worked out for 2hrs & 45 mins…I stopped and talked w a few familiar faces…one being a dear friend of mine GORDI HOFFMAN… he is so sweet & a brilliant writer and director , we did an abs class together.  Then I hit the steam room. I’ve been doing the steam room for the last week. Yesterday I worked in the am at PRC then went to visit my Mickey. I received an urgent call from someone,so I ended up doing a 12step call for like 5 hrs…till the evening… that drained me. My boy JIM  had a screening of our good friend ASHLEY HAMILTON’s movie that he produced at his house were I stay-so I came home to a house of about 14 people. I stayed up till 3am.  There were some pretty amazing people there like Sydney, Cara, Rome and other industry people whom I mostly know.  It was such a fantastic night w such creative people from actors, writers, producers, musicians and just all people in the the industry…(oh &I was in my work out gear, not so hot but oh so comfortable).  I love JIM so much and ASHLEY is a sweetheart… JIM’s like an angel for me. A friend of his stayed the night and we tortured him- talking poop talk and girl stuff around him … he’s easy to gross out. TUESDAY I worked and I have to say I was so nervous when I got asked to do this job I was like “SURE, NO PROB” then as soon as I got off phone a wk ago I was like “what the F did I just say…”  It was for a BIKINI SHOOT for a MAGAZINE…OMG…. I was stressing over this. I woke up at 6am and made coffee- drank it and boom I threw up like the exorcist from the nerves. I have to say the shoot was magical…SEAN JAMES, CAMERON COHEN, SHAWNA ANKENBRANT AND LEAH ORNSTEIN MADE ME FEEL AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL…. there were a few other people there but that was my core crew. We shot at such a gorgeous house in Bel Air… Sean put extensions in my hair for 3 hrs … the look was Hollywood Starlet Returns and  Homage to Sophia Loren and Rachel Welch….aghhhhh we’ll see how it turns out. The swimming has gotten me so much smaller….people lately stop me and say “oh my you are tiny…”  Makes me want to cry and people who haven’t seen me in a very very long time and friends now both say I’m back to my modeling day’s body. Again I’m in awwwwe and just want to cry … I FIGHT DAILY IN ALL MY AFFAIRS AND THE PAY OFF IS REWARDING… it’s breaking the old ideas of myself and of life . I do believe ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN LIFE…

I’m so tired that I’m going to go to sleep now…

I LOVE U

             “CELEBRITY REHAB 5 WRAP UP” WEBISODE WITH JENNIFER GIMENEZ

I was sitting earlier thinking wow I’ve been on the go for a while like 4 months…. then I counted …..NOOOO SINCE MARCH 1ST.. over 5 months.. my goodness…. I have many angels in my life lately…somehow in those moments  when one starts to believe the b.s. the mind tells you that “you are not alone”- I realize that I AM NOT ALONE … and that I AM LOVED…..and that I DO MATTER…. and the same I wish for u, that u know that U  DO MATTER & U R LOVED … I’m honestly grateful my “luffz” aka AUNG has been helping me immensely-girl thank u ….

Today was supposed to be my 1st day off… on a good note some wonderful things happened… I slept 10 hrs,  I was on the phone doing interviews, working and paying bills from 11:15 am to 3:15pm…I then left the office where I am staying w my phone in there, went swimming and played w DEXTER for 1 hr and a 1/2 … (he loves playing ball… he is the dog I’m watching while my dear friend is out of town…DEX and I have become soooo connected… he has been a blessing and bundle of big doggie love for me… although I am not a traitor and LOVE MY MICKEY… but mama Gimenez is taking care of him or better yet he is ruling her… Mickers is such a sweet soul…) I then took care of more emails, fb  and twitter stuff returned personal calls and off Iwent to the gym… I worked out for an hr then went to the steam room… I felt it would relax me more and help my skin… I feel like a 13 yr old boy going thru puberty w my skin….my goodness… last nite my friend said it was from all the makeup I’ve been wearing and stress I’ve had for a while…I laughed cuz I then told him about my hair loss , lack of sleep , &eye twitch that I’ve had for over a  wk (now gone ,thankfully).

Last nite I went to  “THE PERFECT AGE OF ROCK& ROLL” MOVIE PREMIERE… it was a great time… I’m so happy to be back in the ACTING world…I love ACTING and all that it entails… so being there was a blast…after the MOVIE PREMIERE I went out to meet my friend for dinner and seriously he helped me soooo much…we talked for hrs… it feels so good to have people who know me for me and I don’t have to be anything for them ….and I can fall apart or be my goofy dorky self with… me and this person have danced a dance together… I will alway’s love him soooo deeply….he may be the greatest love, or at least one of them-I have ever had…he was there the day my dad died and he is loved by not only me but by family….I am glad that I was able to see him face to face( after a decade) and make an amends to him right after my recent break up…but we have stayed in contact thru the last few years…here and there but now a bit more and I have the blessing to have seen him a few times now since the amends…its a trip because we were so young back then and we didn’t know better… it’s a friendship not an intimate relationship … cuz LORD knows I’m not ready for one….I don’t want to attach myself to anyone or anything right now… I really want to get to know this woman JENNIFER GIMENEZ … and what she is all about..

I have a busy day tomorrow … I did invite mama GIMENEZ to come be w me as I venture into the TEEN  CHOICE EVENTS TOMORROW… gonna be fun w my mama….I have a busy weekend w/ CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5 EPISODE 7 AIRING  and a few things on Sat… haaa I said a few things, a shit load of activities… I’ll blog and keep u updated w my weekend…

Also alot of people are asking me about my workouts, the secret as to how I lost my weight … right now I’m eating tiny portions and drinking so much water… I’m changing up my routine by swimming at least 45 minutes a day ( a minimum of 20 laps back and fourth is considered 1 lap for me)and cardio 25 to 35 minutes ,weights focusing on shoulders , back , arms and  lots of sit ups …and today I did 40 laps !

I woke up this morning and went to do my group at PRC… then went to a Dr’s appt for 2 hrs… went to gym… I decided as tired as I was to do what I could… I did stairmaster for 25 minutes then back exercise, side stomach, more lower back and then did about 70 sit ups… I only worked out for like an hr…

then I had 2 interviews which they call “phoners” for CELEBRITY REHAB and I had to run around doing errands like bank, Riteaide,Target(my favorite), car wash , got my hair did roots and ends as well…Mason, Brandi’s little boy said to me the other day that I had white dots(grays,ughhh,yup) and red/orange ends … so u bet ur ass I got it fixed… I didn’t want to explain to Mason that I have grays….

I came home showered and got ready to go  do the ADAM CAROLLA show… I have to admit that I was very nervous to do his show and meet him… I am a HUGE fan of his… he is awesome , sweet, good looking , funny and super talented …really great man and a really great time…I have a long ass day tomorrow which starts early….

I am very grateful today looking forward to my beach date that I have coming up-sometime before summer ends, haaa… me and the sunset…. I wonder if I’ll ever feel the desire to date again….I do know that I don’t want what I used to have… so as AMY and DR.SOPHY say…I get to create the guy that I want….I am too fragile still and have way to much on my plate to even toy with the idea…

Friday was a full day for me I had a great work meeting… I got sooo much encouragement and motivation from it … I did the gym errands etc…. then I ended up seeing SETH BINZER and I was in tears when I saw him because I’ve been really worried for him… we go back over 12 yrs…. I love him dearly and he is getting better as of right now….he and ANDY DICK are my sweet angels that I love. I adore them… both of them worry me. I ended up at a meeting and then PATTY my godma drove me to my car and we ended up talking for 3 hrs. in her car in the parking lot. It was sooo healing and amazing for me…. she is like GOLD to me…. with so much wisdom… when we were talking it was like a movie … the light lit her so perfectly and all her words and movements were perfect…
Yesterday feels like a blur. I was everywhere with my mama and I’m just getting so tired. I have to chill. Maybe tomorrow evening…
Today I walked my little Mickey like I do…almost everyday if I’m here and then off with my mama and brother. We went to the beach for some familia time. I’m realizing that when CELEBRITY REHAB IS AIRING I get really nervous…there was alot going on with STEVEN ADLER. He overcame and was able to heal from that experience… he really is a doll. This season is going to be pretty wild…and powerful.. when we came back from the beach I watched the show with my family then rushed to the gym for 40 minutes but I wasn’t centered or even in the moment cuz my phone was blowing up … I believe that while I work out I need to be focused on what I’m doing. I’ve been doing the stairmasters and my little Jack Lalanes look-alike man actually taught me the other day how to do it correctly… he said for me “not to lean on the machine and stand straight on it and smile at God” (which meant my boobies should aim high) soooo cute and pushing down while squeezing my booty would change everything on my body-and I must say it is sooooo much harder….I ate badly the last 3 days and gained 4 lbs… ughhhhh… that means lots and lots of water and I’m on eating healthy again …. I might do just eating clean no oils or carbs and no butter in my food for nxt few days….I have so much to say but I’m beat. Promise tomorrow I’ll have more to say… ohhhh major important to the ladies plzzzzzzzzzzz use Neutrogena spf 100-best product for not getting sun spots and keeping ur face protected … I’ve been using other super expensive products-but this is by far the best… and cheeeaaapppp…..

What a powerful day for me… a spiritual based day for me … I woke up rather early cuz I had made plans to go to a WOMENS MEETING, which I heard about this particular one for a very long time… I have to say it was a just as what I heard ….POWERFUL… it was in the PALISADES…my girlfriend and I took a beautiful drive out there…. I just felt wonderful afterwards…

I then came back to my POCKETSIZE’S casa creative where I did phoners (interviews) for a while for EPISODE 2 of CELEBRITY REHAB , which airs this SUNDAY on VH1… I love doing them… I have a wonderful team … My MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO has a great passion for what she does and a great vision…. I’m honored to say that she believes in me and sees how to market me….ohhhhh I’m sooooo excited for my future…. my other part of my team is my PUBLICIST VALERIE ALLEN and she is a force… she seriously is a bad ass… she also has her team too… Valerie has been away on vacation and I’ve been working w EMILY INGERSOLL who is w Valerie’s camp…. I absolutely LOVE Emily…. she is doing such a great job…. she gets me and is pushing hard for me…. sometimes on an hr. to hr. basis my schedule is changing… I know that I am busy til the middle of Aug…. I have a meeting w her tomorrow…. I feel her passion… we speak the same language…  I also have other team players on my team, but right now  I’m working hand and hand with these women… OHHHH THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE HOW I LOVE THEE (ALL)

I spent some great quality time w AMY on her drive way just sitting in the middle of her drive way while half the world walked by… we were so united in OUR world that it didn’t matter… I’m sure it did look odd ,but I did not care it was OUR moment and time…. I ended up at the gym and did errands … on the way to my mamas I had a long talk w my sponsor Theresa and was just sobbing while speaking w her… I was crying because she is magical… I was crying because I felt free, she said to me “WELCOME INTO THE WORLD OF BEING LIBERATED THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BABY” I knew at that moment that I was relieved of that bondage that has been holding me back and no longer can “it” control me… I will eventually feel comfortable to talk about it…we talked for a long time…. I called AMY sobbing to thank her for her love and accepting all of me….

Today I was in conversation w very influential people that are in my life that I respect and adore… they are my family  in recovery… my sweet GEORGE who I absolutely adore who has alot of time… he is such a rock to me and boy have we danced a dance … I lean on him and just listen to him like a little girl looking at her father… I admire and love that man from Brooklyn… he rates high on my meter… for many reasons ….thank u GEOOOOOORGE! I doubt he reads this but u guys need to know how much I love that man….

I ended up at my homegroup meeting where my sponsie Carly became a secretary at… I came early to help her on her first night. I sat there in awe of this little angel … I can’t believe how far she’s come… thats the beauty of working w others is when u see the lights come on in their eyes… I’ve seen many lights on many men and woman come on and that’s the gift for me…ohhhh I was so proud and am so proud of her…2 meetings in 1 day for me… wooooow! Afterwards Scott, Jeff , Carly and I just sat outside LEH and talked recovery and about our lives for a long long time … I have to say I truly love them and I feel safe around them and we’re just people trying to recover and function in this thing called life. I just felt part of something that was more profound than outside stuff… my spirit was filled all day…the answers came because my house was in order… it was friggin awesome today in my life and in my skin….

learn daily the lesson of trust in the midst of the storms of life. Gods command is the same.be grateful, humble ,calm and loving to all people . Leave each soul the better for having met u or heard u. For all kinds of people, this should be ur attitude, a loving desire to help and an infectious spirit of calmness and trust in God. ”U have the answer to loneliness and fear which is calm faith in the goodness and purpose of the universe”… I just love this mediation ….thank u Stretch

I only slept 3 1/2 on SUNDAY NITE  so when I woke up on MONDAY I knew that I was going to be on a rollercoaster of a ride that day… I now know that I had emotionally and mentally ran myself to exhaustion.  I put a lot of pressure on myself…well I’m getting better but still…and w CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5 AIRING LAST SUNDAY I WAS NERVOUS….why??? The “am I enough” syndrome…would people like me?  I’m too damn hard on myself… I went to PRC to go do my group then had a staff meeting there…rushed to L.A to the gym, got my workout on then rushed to AMY’s (POCKETSIZE) house then off I went to an AA meeting …ran a few errands then came back to her house to literally shower and get dressed to head over to the “ROXY” on SUNSET… AMY has such a vision and is a huge part of my NEW CHAPTER …MY NEW TRANSFORMATION. So MISS POCKET, EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS’ed MY STYLE and she looked at the dress I had on & she said “ummmm no, ur going to put MY dress on” Ya hello HERVE LEGER super small ok extra small …. I said “umm no I couldn’t fit into that” She then said “ummm ya u can , ur tiny”… so off it went (she just said to me  that I was wearing a shirt,grrrrrr lmao) and more importantly ON IT WENT, IT FIT!!!!!!! WAAAAALAAAA! We drove together to the “ROXY” for the “FRIENDLY HOUSE 60TH ANNIVERSARY BENEFIT”… I was opening the show, oh yes I was nervous. Sold out event, and we all were wearing a POINTER SISTERS COSTUME from the past 45 yrs.. pretty cool, many musicians performed…actors…. comedians… and back stage we had stylists like AMY, hair dressers like SEAN JAMES (who I love ) and his team of assistants and make up artist like CRYSTAL (who did my face that night) VOLUNTEERING their time and talents as well as so many people who volunteered from all over for this benefit …. I had been there from 4ish till way past midnight and let me tell u I hit a wall, not literally but physically… one thing about me is that when I’m done, IM DONE!!!!!and call me rude, moody whatevs I just shut down and lights out….

TUESDAY I had a lot of stuff going on and Thank God I slept a little. I did interviews and went to an AA meeting when I got home I went in the back yard at Amy’s…I just needed “ME” time… I responded to a whole hell of alot of txts, emails, phone calls, twitter, fb emails , messages etc. etc. and got my agenda for JULY/AUGUST caught up and then wrote all while taking some sun in for about 3 hrs…I had interviews yesterday for CELEB REHAB and then off I went to do the “OH MARY” show on www.latalkradio.com in the valley. when I got home I was so tired and drained…yet I proceeded to do more work via computer and finally again hit that wall. I was delirious and my girl AUNG thankfully came to the rescue-helping by cleaning up all the mess I do on the computer…

Today I worked again at PRC doing my group, some errands, drs appt in Santa Monica, gym time (saw Mr. Jeremy Jackson and his girl there) did some returns at fasion PR firm REDLIGHT( they are so good to me there) more errands and back for more interviews and work via computer… tonights got to be an early night for me…I’m kinda excited for a long weekend. I just need it to be mellow  at times. My life is full and busy, which I LOVE… but it’s also important to find my balance…

I have received OVERWHELMING SUPPORT from EVERYONE ON ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIA REGARDING CELEBRITY REHAB …. THANK YOU FOR THAT… I will get into more how I’ve lost all my weight, over coming heavy obstacles and just life when I’m not so tired…

I woke up today and took little MICKEY on his morning poop walk…holy jeepers it was a hot day… then I went to the gym.. there was this man that reminded me of JACK LALANNES (he was soo cute) came up to me and started teachimg me how to do free weights properly… ahhh found a blessing there… I try to remain teachable… and I actually learn….woooow ! What a concept … I learned how to do some crazy stuff today … I also learned that when u do new things u get super sore…..ouch…I’ve said this before but since CELEBRITY REHAB WRAPPED I’VE NOW LOST OVER 20LBS… I FEEL GREAT WITH WERE I AM WITH MY WEIGHT ,BODY AND HEALTH….I mean I’m an addict I would love to tighten up lose more etc etc… more more more!!!!!!!! but from 257lbs I’ve come a long way… I remember I said if I could ever get to blah blah blah I would be so happy then 3 wks ago I got there then I said ok ok but if I could get blah blah blah that would be it. Haaaa! I so had to check myself, quickly… I’ve  passed my dream goal from when I was heavy so it’s a MIRACLE and a blessing from here on… oddly since my last relationship ended I’ve been able to drop the last 20 lbs, maybe that weight was still protecting me…maybe just from me or…..life?

I went and got my nails did and toes … went shopping for my mama and then came back to her house where I just couldn’t anymore… I just passed out and slept for 45 minutes and hard….then my little brother came in and we had a premiere party the 4 of us… MY MAMA , BROTHER, LITTLE MICKERS AND ME! I have to say I was filled w anxiety all day …my people pleasing kicked in, would I be liked? etc etc…at the end of the day it’s a show about addiction and bringing awareness to the disease and  it is sooooo REAL…. helping others not about me… but some fb’ed me and said it’s probably about the responsibilities thats the bigger picture and he was right….the responsibilities of a show like this that come with it…the show is edited and there are a lot of things I wish u guys got to see….I’m honored to do what I do but I am passionate about all the things I do… it’s not just recovery based stuff that I do, but that’s alway’s first. The more I put myself out there on shows about recovery the harder I have to work on my recovery and I effing do that ….. I have to…

SEASON PREMIERE OF CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON AIRED TONIGHT! It’s amazing all day STEVEN ADLER AND I have been txting each other … we are all good guys… I was in the bathroom trying to hide the fact I was crying but being mic’d they hear everything… so I was told to come out and gratefully Shelly was still there to walk me thru that… being on a team is such a blessing this season for me….compared to SOBERHOUSE… I learned and grew so much from this experience and the whole cast … I am receiving a lot of support from everyone…BAI LING also has been txting me … she has a powerful story …. MICHAEL LOHAN has called today too, but we talk a lot as do I with JEREMY JACKSON… JEREMY IS THE ONE WHO HELPED ME LOSE MY LAST 20LBS …. he knows his fitness that one…. well he helped a lot  for a bit….I still talk w DWIGHT”DOC”GOODEN ALL THE TIME (love love love him) and little JESSICA”SUGAR”KIPER as well…. I remain close with them …. they are very brave to put there life and isssues out there….

I am doing a fashion show tomorrow at the “ROXY”!!!!! but in the morning, it’s a super early rise and shine  for me… 6am wake up , then I go do my group at PRC then out to L.A for the week…. have gym, an aa meeting ,interviews on phone for CELEB REHAB  until I have to go to “ROXY” for rehearsals and hair and make up then show… apparently I’m opening the show… aghhhhhhhh…I haven’t done a FASHION SHOW IN A BILLION YRS….. I’ve got a busy wk but I am so blessed….. I ask GOD TO SINK MY BOAT W BLESSINGS lately ….I’M READY…. I LOVE U GUYS (even the ones who read my blogs and dont tell me). xoxoxo