It has been a FULL last few weeks… I really have grown up alot lately… I have been on the go for the past 6 months and I am proud to say I’ve learned alot. This whole new “single me” has been more joyful than scary-only because of the LOVE and SUPPORT from so many wonderful friends and family… I honestly never knew that I had this… also that “ask and u shall receive” really is true… I ask for HELP and I ask alot of questions to uncover, discover and discard things… what a trip this thing called life is…

CELEBRITY REHAB Season 5 has wrapped and now they are doing follow ups on the patients from the show … with only 1 more show this upcoming Sunday… then it’s a wrap…CELEBRITY REHAB & SOBERHOUSE has been such a blessing for me… I’m honored to have been a part of the shows and I’m more honored to know what had been wrong w me has turned out to be the biggest blessing-to help myself and countless others. No longer do we stand alone w the DISEASE of any addiction and anyone can overcome it if the are willing to do the work. It’s not alway’s easy but it’s so worth it….I stand by the motto “NO MATTER WHAT”….yes I still do the work on a daily basis … I turn it over daily… my story has just begun… there are many things in the works and many things that I have shot even T.V wise so I will keep u posted…and sooooo much more… I can’t wait to tell you about it…

I’m  doing “FASHION NIGHT OUT” this THURSDAY in  LOS ANGELES to help kick off FASHION WEEK in NEW YORK… they are doing it all over the country this week… and yours truly got asked to “OPEN” the fashion show (yes I’m MODELING in it) and then I am 1 of the CELEBRITIES speaking on different topics.. 1 of mine is  “Being Comfortable in Ur Own Skin”… Tori Spelling , Gregory Zarian and many others are doing it w me…. kinda super excited …  1 of my favorite things in the whole world has been doing RUNWAY… which I did all over the world … there is nothing better than walking a runway and becoming that look for the season, designer and era… I love it soooooo much….

Last week I bought a new car… OMG it was so stressful going into dealerships and looking for what I wanted within my budget and then dealing with the salesmen, which I have to say, some of them treated me like I was some dumb girl, quickly did they change their tone and way after being w me. I learned sooooooooo much from last week… it was like I grew up in an instant. I learned alot of lessons, BIG and small… I had and have-as someone special has told me for past 5 yrs – put my “BIG GIRL PANTIES ON” but some reliable men both friends and family stepped in to help… THANK GOD!!!! Sometimes I felt they (salesmen) were speaking Chinese to me , which I don’t understand… I did find myself so stressed out and to tell u the truth I just wished someone would have saved me… but I realized I CAN DO THINGS ON MY OWN and there is no easier or softer way of doing it but to just do it….BIG GIRL PANTIES….

I worked all day today and will for the  rest of the week also… I had someone come assist me for the day… which helped me alot. I’m taking too much on and it’s exhausting me … I wear many many hats in my life….

I have CELEBRITY REHAB’s last episode to do interviews on in early am, then my PRC group to do , a fitting for the fashion show , an audition, gym then in late  evening-then I’m getting a brazilian blowout for 3 hrs. or more …. long ass day tomorrow…

I’ve been eating rather healthy throughout all of the craziness… working out at the gym and swimming at least 5x’s a week. I’m doing new things at the gym-I’m shocking my body…I’m still at my lowest weight I’ve been in 8 to 10 yrs and most strongest physical shape I’ve ever been in…

My week started out really great… last Sun I swam , wrote in my journal(my personal one) then I went to meet up w my girl ,who is one of my BEST FRIENDS, TARA CONNER ( Miss.USA) . I went to her house and off we went to get our toes and nails done… we talked and talked and talked … the funny thing is that I was hesitant to actually spend quality time w her…  reason being is for many years I was told so many negative things (subtly) that I started believing those things… I’m doing this new chapter alone and to be perfectly honest…it’s pretty wild to have her as a friend. We have sooooo much in common…. the way we grew up even though she was in pageants and I was modeling-we were alway’s identified as objects. We in fact have so much depth and weight to our existence. We have walked the same path in many ways… even though we are in a different age range ,(she being in her 20′s and I in my 30′s )we relate so much to each other… and I know she loves me for me. I am honored to call Tara my friend. She calls me out on my stufff and I do to her as well-but we do it w love. We only want the best for each other… I LOVE MY TARA CONNER. I came back and live TWEETED… I love talking to my fans and friends on TWITTER….speaking of  TWITTER I have such amazing people who follow me… and then I have a core group of mainly woman who have my back …it’s just mind blowing … I feel so loved and protected by these girls…. I mean seriously I adore each one of them…. I thank GOD for them …. and I want u ladies to know how much I LOVE U!!!! I also LOVE  the men who protect me. I don’t think they even understand that I’ve been going thru tough times and them loving me and protecting me is something I was afraid of never having. I’m starting to heal in such a miraculous way & I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel-but boy oh boy I didn’t think it was going to come for a long time….

Monday I worked and then went to see my mamas…did interviews for CELEBRITY REHAB etc. etc. then one of my sponsies came over and we worked on her steps till 2am … I fel asleep like around 3:30am and up I was on Tues. with more work.  In the evening I went out to eat w one of the loves of my life… I just love being able to be me around him …we laughed alot then I came home to more work things…

Wednesday I did my group at PRC then I had a photo shoot w Sean James (who is my hairdresser) and he does so many fabulous people it’s incredible and Shawna ANKEMBRANT shot and LEBOC did the make up… amazing day which ended up lasting from 1pm to 8:45 pm…then BRANDI GLANVILLE my BEST FRIEND wanted to meet so I said yes and we met at DANTANAS and had sooooo much fun. I hadn’t eaten so I was starving and had a yummy steak…we had a ball there. 2 singles ladies just laughing and talking and being us ,till the wee hrs. of the morning… I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND BRANDI… I’d take a bullet for that girl…. I left at 9am and came home at 2am …up at 7am on

Thursday…more interviews and so much to do and I thought that I was gonna pass out…but I ended up at my mama’s and drove back to be w DEXTER … I love where I am staying . Dex is a golden who I just adore… I have been working out in between the madness and the best thing is I swim every day no matter what…. like a fish I swim and I feel like a mermaid too.    I feel so good about it and I’ve lost some inches. 

Friday went by so fast…work work work then swimming, gym and fittings at HSM Fashion PR firm and got so many gorgeous dresses…then errands in between and another sponsie came to get me and we went to an AA meeting then I got invited out … so I went w my BUBBS PATTY…she has been such a saving grace to me…we had fun!

Today I had to work then went and spent time w my mamas and MICKERZ , got my nails did ,swam earlier , played w Dexter and went shopping w mama Gimenez…she is so beautiful my mamas… I wonder if i could possibly be half the mom she is w me and my brother… woman who are mothers inspire me…I did so much more that I can’t write it all down…

reason why I have to go shopping is when I moved out of my X’s I just put my life literally in storage and I just didn’t nor did I care that everything was there…but the clothes I took don’t fit me anymore-which is nice but costly. Not so fun on a budget. I bought 3 pairs of jeans that are a size 6 … in the dressing room I started crying while smiling cuz I just can’t eff’ing believe it… I had a proud moment. Hard work does pay off. I’m back on this eating clean diet w no oils or butter , everything is weighed. I want the last 5 lbs. off, ok ok 8 off then super model weight is back.  I will blog tomorrow about something that I’ve been dealing with and a loss I recently had…nxt wk is super crazy for me starting tomorrow till following Monday …

I’m really amazed how the phrase “This Too Shall Pass” actually makes sense… only in my case, sometimes it takes a hot minute for me to see and actually feel it… reason I say this is because I feel joy and happiness more than not lately …. I find myself smiling more inside than outwardly at the moments that are quiet… and since I feel my quiet times are in the car lately, it’s there where I feel the passing…ok well my car is where so much of my time is spent these days … a wk ago I was sobbing in the car in btw the jobs and this wk I’m not…

I got to spend 2 hrs of “Jenny alone time” on Thurs… of course I did work and proceeded on Fri to believe that I was cured of the exhaustion… haaa!!!!! So I got up super early before 7am and had TEEN CHOICE AWARDS event to attend in Westwood that Ryan Secrest &KISS FM hosted and my date was mama Gimenez…I received so many amazing things …I was blown away… there were alot of heavy hitters, I had seen alot of “big named celebrities” and one  woman in particular who blew me away was DOT MARIE JONES from GLEE… we talked for a long time …she said she was a fan of mine and Soberhouse / CelebRehab-so she came up to me and I was thinking to myself but ur an amazing actress that is super talented  on a rad show ???? We’ve stayed in touch last few days… LOVE LOVE LOVE her…I asked someone who is a big big big name what the secret to their success was and this man who is gi-normous in the industry said they “never say no to anything” … it made me feel some comfort cuz that’s what I was told to do and I have kept my commitment  to that…. hence the exhaustion….so I feel I’m in the right place doing the right thing. It’s really nice to have my mom experience this time w me because I can see she is proud of me… then mama Gimenez and I went shopping and to lunch, which was 5:30pm…I was so beat down like I had ran a marathon and I got home by 6:15 to get picked up by a friend at 6:45pm to go to an AA meeting back to Westwood… I ended up at a late dinner w 3 lovely ladies doing something I haven’t ever done w this group of women… I’m doing a lot of things I’ve never done before and even though I get scared it’s been soooooo amazing… I have a lot of amazing new people in my life who are loving me and I them. I fell alseep around 2:30am woke up this morning at 8am and got up, ready for another event , wrote and off I went to another TEEN CHOICE AWARDS event till about 2pm…w these events there are photos, cameras following u and a media frenzy w a lot of things going on all at once … so much fun I loved being there as well… I also committed to going to my little cousins SELAHs 1 yr birthday party… it was sooo nice seeing my uncle Rueben so happy w his baby girl and a lot of my family…around them I’m just “Jenny”… there was a moment where I could feel my grandma there looking over us , I got this overwhelming feeling ,where I kid u not ,I felt her-I sensed her …I actually got goose bumps , so I know it was her…I know !!!!!!…. my mom is the oldest so I see a lot of my grandma in her… I hope one day I can give her a grandson or granddaughter or even both …. considering I’m not dating not likely to happen just yet…. I do want to have kids one day ,actually get married first…we’ll see…. right now I’m finding JENNY…after that I went to mama Gimenez’s house ,worked out at gym but for only 40 minutes, spent some ma/daughter time and ran around w my MICKERZ … God he is so precious….so much love and so friggin adorable and seriously he acts like a baby…. he makes my heart melt….I’m glad he is w my mama for the time being…. came back to house I’m at and worked for a bit …. and here I am…. must say I’m tired and drained, kinda seeing 4 computers instead of 1…. note to self : when u think u can keep going at 100mph just because u somewhat rested ….don’t! I’m gonna need a few days or even a wk to repair this wear and tear I’ve done… this too shall pass…..

I’ve been bat s### crazy lately… I feel like a robot just going… I’ve been uplifted by ur love and encouragement…last week I did so much…I went to an event where USHER performed and it was fun…I did tv shows…podcasts…webisodes…interviews…business meetings/dinners/lunches,fittings, oh jeez and the list goes on…oh and then there’s somewhat of my personal life like gym, spending time w my mom,brother, little MICKEY,12 step meetings and seeing a couple of my friends…working w my sponsies, working thru my …well…. growing pains… it feels like the flood gates of all these new emotions are opening up…good and bad. I’m growing up…

I must say I’m losing alot of hair, got a terrible eye twitch(which I found out is from stress) , my face is breaking out like a 13 yr old boy hitting puberty, my voice goes in and out from exhaustion and I’m getting grays…I feel like I’m getting wrinkles and need toothpicks for my eyes… ya not so HOT….this too shall pass…it’s kinda hysterical to me at this point….

this week started crazy and ended cray …. I’m honestly goin’ 100mph…I did “ISSUES W JANE VALEZ MITCHELL”on Mon on HLN, more interviews this wk , I also did DR.DREW SHOW on HLN on Wed which was super AWESOME , did a few CANADIAN TV/TALK NEWS SHOWS, did live RADIO, ON CAMERA GREEN SCREEN SHOOTS, met w my MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO who ROCKS , vh1 Blogs, other blogs, did other TV SHOW, SPENT SOME TIME W friends like  BRANDI GLANVILLE AND TATUM ONEAL,SAW MY MAMA AND BROTHER AND LITTLE  MICKERZ , went to CHURCH, 12 step meetings, committments,GYM ,EVENTS, AND SOOOOOO SOOO SOOOO MUCH MORE… THIS WEEK WENT SO DAMN FAST I MEAN SUPER FAST I ALSO WENT TO DR’s WHO SAID I HAD LOST EVEN MORE WEIGHT …guess that’s good… I am eating and last 2 day’s somewhat slept… today I went to the gym then swam for 2 1/2 hrs which was so nice it was me and DEXTER a dog I’m watching he is soooo sweet… I love where I am this last wk…..tomorrow is a big day… I have CELEBRITY REHAB EPISODE 6 ON VH1 AT 9PM THEN AT 10PM I’M ON MY GOOD FRIEND TATUM ONEALS SHOW ON OWN NETWORK, which I haven’t seen so I’m a little nervous… but let me tell u this as I was in treatment 6 yrs. ago OPRAH gave me hope, at one point I was going to send her a letter asking her if I could go intern for her and share my experience of who I was and what I did…I never got the courage to go through with it- but she encouraged me as I’m sure she encourages the world…I had to save my life …I would pass out to meet her and here I am about to be on her NETWORK… miracles do exist…..OMG OMG OMG… I know that I sound like a geek , but I am, and I’m so grateful for my life today…

I know people are emailing me, tweeting and posting to me to “slow down” but u only have one life and this is my time right now to BE IN MY REALITY THAT I  ONLY HAD DREAMED OF BEFORE…SEIZE MY OPPORTUNITY, WHERE I GO THERE I AM….

I must say this week I cried a lot … sometimes in my car and I had alot of panic attacks cuz I am breaking old ways of thinking… for instance-that I’m not enough etc…the old ways of what was, no longer has to be in my life today…..the crying to me is healthy because I was told tears are signs of my soul and spirit healing….in the midst of my being a personality and image I am my true JENN self and I share that as I go thru it w my confidants and U as well… they tell me it’s ok to be me and that I must be going thru so much inwardly and they are here for me…at the same time I am holding it together while I go in a public arena…sometimes they (my friends and family) hugging me is ENOUGH…. I yearn for my loved ones to touch me it’s so soothing to me… and I’m saying  that in a loving & nurturing way….the human hand-touch is so powerful…well I’m off to bed cuz it’s a big day for me… I’m doing a few hrs. of me time in early am…. I’m taking myself out on a date… to the balcony to write, have some coffee then a swim and my nails did time, cuz I destroyed them from all the  stress, then off to work…. I LOVE U DEARLY…U are helping me HEAL  xoxooxoxo

I woke up this morning and went to do my group at PRC… then went to a Dr’s appt for 2 hrs… went to gym… I decided as tired as I was to do what I could… I did stairmaster for 25 minutes then back exercise, side stomach, more lower back and then did about 70 sit ups… I only worked out for like an hr…

then I had 2 interviews which they call “phoners” for CELEBRITY REHAB and I had to run around doing errands like bank, Riteaide,Target(my favorite), car wash , got my hair did roots and ends as well…Mason, Brandi’s little boy said to me the other day that I had white dots(grays,ughhh,yup) and red/orange ends … so u bet ur ass I got it fixed… I didn’t want to explain to Mason that I have grays….

I came home showered and got ready to go  do the ADAM CAROLLA show… I have to admit that I was very nervous to do his show and meet him… I am a HUGE fan of his… he is awesome , sweet, good looking , funny and super talented …really great man and a really great time…I have a long ass day tomorrow which starts early….

I am very grateful today looking forward to my beach date that I have coming up-sometime before summer ends, haaa… me and the sunset…. I wonder if I’ll ever feel the desire to date again….I do know that I don’t want what I used to have… so as AMY and DR.SOPHY say…I get to create the guy that I want….I am too fragile still and have way to much on my plate to even toy with the idea…

So much has happened this week …. I have been so on the go… I’m starting to wear out a bit…. I’m so grateful for my girls in my life…AMY, BRANDI, AUNG the list goes on…I don’t get a day off til the 16th of Aug….yes I know people say to take care of me but it’s time for me to seize the moment… God doesn’t give me what I can’t handle…

Alot and I mean alot of people have asked me how I’ve lost the weight… it hasn’t been the easiest thing that I’ve done and it certainly didn’t happen over night… I have done different exercises from walking to running to fast walk, stairmasters, weights,both heavy and light. I’ve learned how to eat … I’m constantly changing up my routine… these last few weeks have been difficult cuz I’ve been on the go and sometimes can’t work out or eat well….. I get to be in charge of my body…

I have worked every single day this week and sometimes 3 jobs or publicity things a day… I work tomorrow on UBEU lifestyles it’s a shoot all day long then I’m on CELEBRITY REHAB EPISODE 4 TOMORROW NIGHT… I think that I’m going to TWEET LIVE FOR THE WEST COAST SHOW…. NEXT WEEK I WILL ALSO BE ON THE “ONEALS” ON OWN NETWORK W TATUM ONEAL WHO IS A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE…. IT IS ON SUNDAY NIGHT AS WELL. I have to say I’M SO HONORED TO BE IN HER SHOW AND ON OPRAHS NETWORK… NOW OPRAH IS ONE OF MY HEROS….u have no idea….

I have spent the week w AMY who literally is my saving grace lately ….I’m so lucky to have her in my life… and I’ve also spent the last few days w BRANDI GLANVILLE…. I’m actually at her house tonight… I babysat the boys yesterday evening and it was truly a blessing to be w her and her boys and sooo much fun…. well since I have to get up uber early I must retire to sleep now… I love all the support and love I’m getting from u all. Honestly sometimes it’s u guys that keep me going…

God I don’t know last time I blogged…but I’ve been everywhere and done so much ….Thursday I went to an event my girl Serene was doing  w my AMY and I also went to HSMPR to pull clothes cuz I have many things going on … fri  I also went to REDLIGHTPR  and pulled some amazing pieces … they have been so good to me there… I tried on like 40 pieces and was there for 3 hrs …my day started at 6:30 am and ended up that afternoon at PATTY’s (MY GODMA/MENTOR) house and we had a blast then I went to dinner w a friend of mine and we talked for 4 or more hours… it felt great doing that ….but I finally went to bed at 4am … Sat I went to the gym and had a GALA EVENT function to attend that I took 1 of my BESTIES MANDY SHERMAN as my HOT DATE…the Organization is “FACE FORWARD” …. which helps WOMAN AND CHILDREN who are victums of ABUSE on ALL LEVELS…some of these women get their faces  and body parts cut off and are so tortured it’s beyond my understanding…this wonderful organization helps them get their outer bodies reconstructed and more importantly helps them inwardly as well. Yesterday I got up after yet another super late night and went to the gym,got ready and did the “O-BROWN” show w STEVEN ADLER and Will Smith from CELEB REHAB …I have to say it was one of the best nights of work I had… there were so many people there and I had such a blast…STEVEN is doing great … I do LOVE that guy, we get along beautifully…. and came home to 5 hrs of sleep… I got up today and did my group at PRC, gym, work calls, interviews etc…lifes in session … and now I can barley type… I have a super full week…

there’s something I want to share w u that is very important and hard to say ,… just typing the last words is making me cry but I believe it’s time to heal and share this so I can close this door, my past doesn’t have to be my future… I believe I deserve the chance to be happy, loved and living my dream….

. …BEING A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO ABUSE MYSELF I was very honored to be a part of a great CAUSE AND FIGHT for ABUSED WOMEN …I am a survivor of abuse ..and I know many people who have been .. I have dealt with the issues that stem from being exposed to certain abuse…today I can say I have broken the cycle ….ill tell u it is not an easy one to over come ….BUT IT CAN BE OVERCOME I PROMISE U….”WHEN THE BATTERED LEAVES THE BATTERER, THEN THERES NO ONE TO BATTER.THE CYCLE ENDS AND THEN THE JOURNEY TO START HEALING CAN BEGIN”…THATS WHAT MY GODMAMA PATTY told me Fri….these are some of my darkest secrets I didn’t want to reveal but am ready to let it go,heal and move on from..I am very fragile and vulnerable lately because on top of all that a new change is occuring….this is me coming out w it….my friends and family have been very supportive w me thru this time of pain and growth and most of all healing period …. its funny how GOD has me on such a busy schedule that I can’t sit thru the pain that long…but it does come… the grieving cycle… my sponsor said to me I have been liberated…. I just tell GOD he must heal it and I’ll do the actions but I don’t ask to plz help me heal this is for him to do… BUT YES I AM DOING THE WORK…. and I do LOVE U and thank you for being able to accept all of me.

What a powerful day for me… a spiritual based day for me … I woke up rather early cuz I had made plans to go to a WOMENS MEETING, which I heard about this particular one for a very long time… I have to say it was a just as what I heard ….POWERFUL… it was in the PALISADES…my girlfriend and I took a beautiful drive out there…. I just felt wonderful afterwards…

I then came back to my POCKETSIZE’S casa creative where I did phoners (interviews) for a while for EPISODE 2 of CELEBRITY REHAB , which airs this SUNDAY on VH1… I love doing them… I have a wonderful team … My MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO has a great passion for what she does and a great vision…. I’m honored to say that she believes in me and sees how to market me….ohhhhh I’m sooooo excited for my future…. my other part of my team is my PUBLICIST VALERIE ALLEN and she is a force… she seriously is a bad ass… she also has her team too… Valerie has been away on vacation and I’ve been working w EMILY INGERSOLL who is w Valerie’s camp…. I absolutely LOVE Emily…. she is doing such a great job…. she gets me and is pushing hard for me…. sometimes on an hr. to hr. basis my schedule is changing… I know that I am busy til the middle of Aug…. I have a meeting w her tomorrow…. I feel her passion… we speak the same language…  I also have other team players on my team, but right now  I’m working hand and hand with these women… OHHHH THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE HOW I LOVE THEE (ALL)

I spent some great quality time w AMY on her drive way just sitting in the middle of her drive way while half the world walked by… we were so united in OUR world that it didn’t matter… I’m sure it did look odd ,but I did not care it was OUR moment and time…. I ended up at the gym and did errands … on the way to my mamas I had a long talk w my sponsor Theresa and was just sobbing while speaking w her… I was crying because she is magical… I was crying because I felt free, she said to me “WELCOME INTO THE WORLD OF BEING LIBERATED THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BABY” I knew at that moment that I was relieved of that bondage that has been holding me back and no longer can “it” control me… I will eventually feel comfortable to talk about it…we talked for a long time…. I called AMY sobbing to thank her for her love and accepting all of me….

Today I was in conversation w very influential people that are in my life that I respect and adore… they are my family  in recovery… my sweet GEORGE who I absolutely adore who has alot of time… he is such a rock to me and boy have we danced a dance … I lean on him and just listen to him like a little girl looking at her father… I admire and love that man from Brooklyn… he rates high on my meter… for many reasons ….thank u GEOOOOOORGE! I doubt he reads this but u guys need to know how much I love that man….

I ended up at my homegroup meeting where my sponsie Carly became a secretary at… I came early to help her on her first night. I sat there in awe of this little angel … I can’t believe how far she’s come… thats the beauty of working w others is when u see the lights come on in their eyes… I’ve seen many lights on many men and woman come on and that’s the gift for me…ohhhh I was so proud and am so proud of her…2 meetings in 1 day for me… wooooow! Afterwards Scott, Jeff , Carly and I just sat outside LEH and talked recovery and about our lives for a long long time … I have to say I truly love them and I feel safe around them and we’re just people trying to recover and function in this thing called life. I just felt part of something that was more profound than outside stuff… my spirit was filled all day…the answers came because my house was in order… it was friggin awesome today in my life and in my skin….

learn daily the lesson of trust in the midst of the storms of life. Gods command is the same.be grateful, humble ,calm and loving to all people . Leave each soul the better for having met u or heard u. For all kinds of people, this should be ur attitude, a loving desire to help and an infectious spirit of calmness and trust in God. ”U have the answer to loneliness and fear which is calm faith in the goodness and purpose of the universe”… I just love this mediation ….thank u Stretch