Dec
01.
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I was talking with a dear friend of mine a few weeks back and I had the “whoa is me” french cries saying how poor me doesn’t sleep & blah blah waaa waaa going on and he said “JENN ur living the dream baby girl, u get to do what ur passionate about ” which is “helping others and acting  and being in front of the camera, ur a do’er and an achiever, u don’t just dream it-U LIVE IT”-and right at that moment he put it all in perspective for me….so to u Darin I am grateful to have been called out like that….sometimes I just need to be reminded…

I have to say that I am sooooo happy in my life. I feel like crying from the joy… thru all the good and all the hard times I have peace overall…

This “dating JENNY and GOD phase” has been healing for me.  I do have hope that someone will be able to be my PARTNER and be whole heartedly invested in me and I in them…setting an UNORTHODOX way of life for us both , where we are safe, IN LOVE, happy, fully committed and 100% for each other. Until then JENNY and her big man upstairs isn’t so bad. He brings me blessings.


This past Sunday I was on CELEBRITY REHAB REVISITED on VH1. It showed some of the cast from CELEB REHAB Season 2 and SOBERHOUSE…like my sweet ANDY DICK…and Amber,Nikki, and Rodney. I had no idea that it was going to be on-but boy was it a bitterly sweet show to see. That show, time and experience changed me and my life on every level…and has helped keep me sober till this day…and more imporantly, it helped so many people all over the world. These precious people I’ve lived with for a month….they were so brave. I keep in contact with all of them.


On Monday they announced me in the movie I am doing “CHASTITY BITES”… I was thrilled … the movie is  so hysterical. I’m blown away by the writing …Lotti rocked it….she’s the writer…a BRILLIANT writer….you’ll be surprised by my character. It’s something I’ve never played before!!!!!!!!!!


On Monday night I was also on the teaser of  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS  season 2 for next weeks episode. I’m happy to say that I’ve shot a few episodes of that show with my BEST FRIEND BRANDI GLANVILLE -she is on this season…we’ll see what airs. I will be on the show more than just next week …I gather…

I also have been working at Klean Center and other places…I love doing groups. It’s amazing being able to study human behavior, mental disorders and drug addiction…I’m learning so much.  I love it….

I have a lot of ANGELS out there like Chula , Anna ,and so many more that I can’t even begin to THANK for UR LOVE AND SUPPORT …it’s been …well a tough one and THANK U ALL for helping me keep on keeping on…really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart…

I’ve been working out and have been consistant with it and eating the best that I can. My body has changed even more lately….

so my JENNISM moment….I’m with a friend of mine this past Tuesday nite and something was said that was funny so what happens ….I start laughing out loud and snot comes out….ya not my finest moment…seriously my cool factor is so NON EXISTENT….at least I haven’t taken a tumble this week or ran into anything….thus far…..


Oh it’s the holiday season!!! I cant believe the end of the year is just a blink of an eye away…because all this has happened this year I KNOW 2012 is gonna ROCK…BRING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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Nov
28.
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My life has become so full….I’m blessed beyond words…my life is so diverse…I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and I’m truly sorry…more for me actually because I don’t even know where to begin.  This year really was my SURRENDER YEAR and I remember in the beginning of the yr telling/asking  GOD  that I WAS WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TOOK TO FIND MYSELF, MY HAPPINESS and to GET OUT OF FEELING STUCK. Be careful what you pray for because it does come to pass…at least that has been my experience. I was so good at telling you to jump and that the net would catch you,but all of a sudden I found myself not doing the same…so I did. I JUMPED and my GOD and all his angels have caught me…. from my family to my friends, loved ones and so many others  I didn’t know actually cared for my well being. I have found fun, love and hope this year on a level I didn’t know existed.

In January I’ll be 6 yrs sober…yes I’m 1st to say all I have is today… living in my moment has become so rich and full…filled with trials and errors….but I’m so not alone right now. I’m in awe of the girl that I never thought  could be loved…and I’m finding that I AM. It’s scary to disclose my true self but showing that to you in my blogs is something I wanted to do because I’M FINDING JENNY and no longer am ashamed of that…I get to look the world in the eye. I’ve gone from having the man with a big house,puttting my life till this day in storage, to renting a couch for a 100 dollars a wk while wearing  $10000 outfits on red carpets,  all the while sobbing in fetal position…to living with my POCKETSIZE AMY HALL, MY ANGEL JIM HETCH and having DEXTER(his dog) nurture me back to health and finding safety-to living with my BFF BRANDI GLANVILLE and her boys because I’ve ended a relationship. I’ve also been  in a terrible car accident & totaled my car (my fault), liability only so had to get a new one. I had my wallet stolen a month ago with all my idenity in it. I just wanted to feel some love and not feel alone… there was a point that night when I was walking into MASTRO’s with Brandi-and my brother called  saying credit card companies were calling due to irregular activities…and there I was outside calling the c.c. companies…and someone came up to me to say they were a fan…and paps were taking pictures of me…and honestly I got off the phone and thought “what’s the fucking point” and the very next thought was what I alway’s tell you guys ” WE ALL HAVE A STORY TO TELL” and I want mine to be a damn good one. Exactly 2 wks later I GOT A MOVIE & became the voice & face for KLEAN CENTER & began doing groups there while taking human behavior, mental disorders & drug addiction courses. I also have been having a great time socially …

The movie I’m doing is called “CHASTITY BITES” and I’m so honored to be a part of it. I shoot all of DECEMBER. I’ve  been to the table read, met the rad cast and crew and gone to fittings. I am having a great time being involved and seeing my character come to life…I was scared to say the last 6 years I wanted to act again-but I have 1 life to live & ppl told me to DREAM BIG and I AM NOW….I believe that I can have MY FULL DREAM….SOBRIETY, FAMILY,a CAREER, FRIENDS and A MAN  & 1 day MARRIAGE AND KIDS…&I’m open for whatever else comes my way.  At the end of the day I AM FINDING JENNY …the woman in me gets to protect the girl inside and it’s you who teaches me that…so…THANK U….

On a funny note this last wk I have been a huge cluts. I was helping BRANDI get the groceries from her car and I ate it so hard on her driveway…ughhhh. Then I kept getting bruises all over…and finally I had an allergic reaction to new products on my face and I looked like a watermelon on THANKSGIVING morning. The swelling has gone down 75/80% but OMG what a nightmare. What I learned from this is U KNOW U ARE LOVED WHEN PPL STILL WANT TO SEE U AND BE AROUND U….



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Jul
19.
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I woke up this morning and went to do my group at PRC… then went to a Dr’s appt for 2 hrs… went to gym… I decided as tired as I was to do what I could… I did stairmaster for 25 minutes then back exercise, side stomach, more lower back and then did about 70 sit ups… I only worked out for like an hr…

then I had 2 interviews which they call “phoners” for CELEBRITY REHAB and I had to run around doing errands like bank, Riteaide,Target(my favorite), car wash , got my hair did roots and ends as well…Mason, Brandi’s little boy said to me the other day that I had white dots(grays,ughhh,yup) and red/orange ends … so u bet ur ass I got it fixed… I didn’t want to explain to Mason that I have grays….

I came home showered and got ready to go  do the ADAM CAROLLA show… I have to admit that I was very nervous to do his show and meet him… I am a HUGE fan of his… he is awesome , sweet, good looking , funny and super talented …really great man and a really great time…I have a long ass day tomorrow which starts early….

I am very grateful today looking forward to my beach date that I have coming up-sometime before summer ends, haaa… me and the sunset…. I wonder if I’ll ever feel the desire to date again….I do know that I don’t want what I used to have… so as AMY and DR.SOPHY say…I get to create the guy that I want….I am too fragile still and have way to much on my plate to even toy with the idea…



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Jul
13.
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God I don’t know last time I blogged…but I’ve been everywhere and done so much ….Thursday I went to an event my girl Serene was doing  w my AMY and I also went to HSMPR to pull clothes cuz I have many things going on … fri  I also went to REDLIGHTPR  and pulled some amazing pieces … they have been so good to me there… I tried on like 40 pieces and was there for 3 hrs …my day started at 6:30 am and ended up that afternoon at PATTY’s (MY GODMA/MENTOR) house and we had a blast then I went to dinner w a friend of mine and we talked for 4 or more hours… it felt great doing that ….but I finally went to bed at 4am … Sat I went to the gym and had a GALA EVENT function to attend that I took 1 of my BESTIES MANDY SHERMAN as my HOT DATE…the Organization is “FACE FORWARD” …. which helps WOMAN AND CHILDREN who are victums of ABUSE on ALL LEVELS…some of these women get their faces  and body parts cut off and are so tortured it’s beyond my understanding…this wonderful organization helps them get their outer bodies reconstructed and more importantly helps them inwardly as well. Yesterday I got up after yet another super late night and went to the gym,got ready and did the “O-BROWN” show w STEVEN ADLER and Will Smith from CELEB REHAB …I have to say it was one of the best nights of work I had… there were so many people there and I had such a blast…STEVEN is doing great … I do LOVE that guy, we get along beautifully…. and came home to 5 hrs of sleep… I got up today and did my group at PRC, gym, work calls, interviews etc…lifes in session … and now I can barley type… I have a super full week…

there’s something I want to share w u that is very important and hard to say ,… just typing the last words is making me cry but I believe it’s time to heal and share this so I can close this door, my past doesn’t have to be my future… I believe I deserve the chance to be happy, loved and living my dream….

. …BEING A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO ABUSE MYSELF I was very honored to be a part of a great CAUSE AND FIGHT for ABUSED WOMEN …I am a survivor of abuse ..and I know many people who have been .. I have dealt with the issues that stem from being exposed to certain abuse…today I can say I have broken the cycle ….ill tell u it is not an easy one to over come ….BUT IT CAN BE OVERCOME I PROMISE U….”WHEN THE BATTERED LEAVES THE BATTERER, THEN THERES NO ONE TO BATTER.THE CYCLE ENDS AND THEN THE JOURNEY TO START HEALING CAN BEGIN”…THATS WHAT MY GODMAMA PATTY told me Fri….these are some of my darkest secrets I didn’t want to reveal but am ready to let it go,heal and move on from..I am very fragile and vulnerable lately because on top of all that a new change is occuring….this is me coming out w it….my friends and family have been very supportive w me thru this time of pain and growth and most of all healing period …. its funny how GOD has me on such a busy schedule that I can’t sit thru the pain that long…but it does come… the grieving cycle… my sponsor said to me I have been liberated…. I just tell GOD he must heal it and I’ll do the actions but I don’t ask to plz help me heal this is for him to do… BUT YES I AM DOING THE WORK…. and I do LOVE U and thank you for being able to accept all of me.


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Jun
21.
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I was just sitting and staring at the computer thinking “where do I start?” I guess I had a great last few days… then in the wee hrs. of the morning  I had a panic attack…. I had very little sleep the night befor ,it being Fathers Day-guess that was the trigger that set the ball in motion for me . I went to see my dad at the cemetery and just sat by his grave for a while ….on my way there I listened to tangos and then played one of his favorite songs he used to love. I’ve never done that before… I just wanted a sense of my dad… I talked to him and then just sat there waiting to hear an answer… sometimes I get it, sometimes I don’t. I felt myself detaching because it was just too real for me. On my way home it was just silence all around me….guess I just shut down. I didn’t get an answer yesterday…
It sounds like all I write lately is dark but it’s really not… I guess cuz I haven’t opened myself up about my day to day life  publicly before… I feel raw and vulnerable… I do have to say I have alot of wonderful moments in my life… pretty extraordinary moments actually…

The last 48 hrs I’ve had a total of 8hrs of sleep… I woke up at 6:30am this morning-I kept changing my alarm I guess for more sleep. I had 40 minutes to get to PRC for a group I did there today… there was no brushing of the teeth or even time for a pee… but I did get there exactly on time then wooshed off back home to  brush the teeth then I did IN TOUCH” mag …did other interviews as well…I had my gym time then even went to the bank and dealt w/ some banking things all on  my own…. big girl things…regardless I did it and it felt great…. my little brother and I had plans to hang out,so we had brother /sister night…I’ve been on the computer working  as well. My day starts earlier tomorrow w/ many interviews and then an event tomorrow night…there’s also gym time to fit in there as well and few other things… gonna be a long one tomorrow… but this is the fun  part of it all … there’s alot of  footwork that goes into this… if u guys only knew… but I LOVE IT!!!!!  One interview I’m doing tomorrow is VH1 BLOG… I am the voice for the show… one of the interviews  I’m going to be doing tomorrow is w/ vh1 and I will be the voice for the blogs weekly ( I was blessed  to do it for SOBERHOUSE 1&2) which I find to be a huge honor for me to represent the show for and on VH1….I have to say this season of CELEBRITY REHAB IS GOING TO BE POWERFUL!!!!



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Jun
19.
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It’s 2:40 am Sun morning but since I just got home I posted this  for Sat… because today (Sun) brings a whole new day,venture and life experience…

I stayed the last few nites w my POCKETSIZE, AMY(who by the way let me know shes 5’4 ,she’s so tiny to me cuz of her little frame that I’ll still call it 5’1 grrrrrr)… I woke up today around noon …. was that tired …. we can exhaust ourselves not only  physically, but emotionally and mentally and have no idea that we’ve completely drained ourselves…I had only 20 mins to get myself together and go speak at a womans AA meeting… I have to say womens meetings rock…as scared as I used to be around women, they save my life…I have these gorgeous goddess’s in my life who I am connected to and I just love love love u…my girl AUNG who has entered my life over a year ago and I am grateful for her…she’s loving ,kind, sensitive ,caring, generous and has my back, as I have hers….she’s very special to me, my sweet LUFFZ…it’s super cute how much she cares that we have some discussions (is a nice way of putting it) about how much she worries about me…I do appreciate it…grrrrrrr I love her … she has showed up for me constantly…

then I have my godma of a mentor PATTY BARET, we call each other bubbs… she is one of my towers that I lean on for guidance and direction… oh how she is a life line for me… I’m honored to have her in my life… I can be childlike around her and be completely open and vulnerable around her… she nourishes me back to health all the time… she never went back on her word and has my back as well….what a gift…

after my meeting I went back to AMY’s and I had an hr to just relax so I went to her back yard wrote ,read and just took some sun for 40 mins… it was really beautiful to just be in that moment…I found myself really happy with being w ME…I got ready cuz I was asked to shoot a show w my bestie BRANDI GLANVILLE again… I found myself a bit blocked w the kind of look I was going to go w so AMY came to the rescue and her being  such an amazing creator and stylist, mama got to whipping my look into shape… she’s really got a gift … her eye and talent is so inspiring… she’s really a true artist… I was going to a “White Party” but I felt the need to find ala circa of some sort and we (she) did!

one of the gifts thru the last few months has been spending quality time w my friends… BRANDI and I hung out for a bit and talked then off we went to her party, thats all I’m really allowed to say about this job… we took pictures and I posted a few up ( BRANDI AND CAMILLE GRAMMER & I) but will post more up on twitter and fb soon…its the moments that make it all the worth wild for me, like this one, as we were coming home we were grubbing on fatburger from the party laughing our bellys off like 2 little girls in the car, our conversations were killing us as we were choking on the choking while laughing soooo hard… we definitely left a trail in that poor town car…

today is FATHERS DAY so to all those wonderful men out there HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!! If ur a father, grandfather, brother, son, provider, teacher, role model or mentor to anyone out there, know u are loved and adored … thank u for making a difference to the world around u…



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Jun
17.
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16 is my favorite number….my little brother was born on that day and so was i and i have many other reasons for it as well… happy 16th day of june guys….

oh man this oopzies that i have going on is getting ridiculous…split coffee 2 xs today…once all over me…yup good times… its just always right before my GOD blessed women w this gift time…. and im a bundle of emotions last few days… im also going thru a lot of change… i just moved out of a place ,ended a relationship w my x boyfriend and work is getting hectic w CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5  about to start, i have a crazy publicity schedule happening (which im honestly so grateful for) other jobs im doing/shooting and a new manager that is doing such a great job for me…plus sobriety ,meeting,working w sponsies,my sponsor ,the program, family i tend for ,family quality time, friends ,me and my little mickey …oh and working out…im not complaining its just a new phase, a new chapter in my life… I DEFFENTLY DONT HAVE THE WAAAA BURGERS AND FRENCH CRY I NEED A WAMBULANCE  SYMDROME  going on its just new and real for me right now…plus i dont know how to be sober 5 yrs 5 months and 1 day like i am this too is new…

needless to say im in a transitional phase … im getting to know myself on a whole new scale … im relying on this thing called GOD and as my sponsor says im dating GOD right now… so w all this and other thing s going on im uncomfortable in my skin at times during the day but for the most part im HAPPYand peaceful and having FUN… my friends and family have been soooo amazing and allowing me to realize im human and that i can go thru and get thru anything (ive been thru so much worse)… some amazing people have come into my life and also the ones ive had that stand solid in my life  are letting me know im alright during this time…im thankful that i have a group of people that i can lean on and tell the truth with…plus i just suffer from alcoholism period…. my head likes to play games w me … i do have tools that the program and steps have help me deal and handle the ism w…

i just got asked to shoot a show w my girl BRANDI on Sat that she is doing… ive done it once before and its wild….i have to wear white for this “WHITE PARTY” so im going to a fashion PR company REDLIGHT PR tomorrow to pull clothes  from… theyve been pretty good w me lately on that !!!

i just spent the evening w my little brother DWIGHT… we had dinner ,went into the jacuzzi for tiny bit and then just chatted about life…he is such a blessing…hes such a kind soul…a good man…hes smart and somewhat shy…and an incredible business man…wow we are so different yet alike (somewhat) ,we get each other and we will die for each other…poor little guy i use to toucher the poor little one as akid…could u imagine having me as a big sister…

Amy and i have been spending a lot of time together … she is a rock for me … shes so hip,cool,awesome,creative,stylish,wise,smart and fun… almost 10 yrs ago she was my mentor for yrs and seriously saved my life …its so nice to reconnect w her… she is letting me see the creative person in me …something im finding again back in my life…she gets me…shes 5″1 ft with a super duper tiny frame really light skin,blue eyes w brown hair.. but because we get each other and have been so close she use to call me “POCKETSIZE” cuz im sooo the opposite of her, almost 5″10 dark skin,big boned latina…and when i was afraid or nervous she said i could go into her pocket…stories longer but….awwww i love my POCKETSIZE

.im going to change my workout up a bit ….so tomorrow im taking an abs class30 mins and a yoga class…i havent done a workout class in forever let alone 2….im shocking my body …oh and due to the oopzie time of the month i ate in&out and for diner i had spinach salad,cous cous, taboulie (whole foods) and a gluten free burrito….ummmm not so hot but i have been so vigilant that i dont care for just today… but back on good eating tomorrow again….

 


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Jun
15.
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i have to remind myself that this is such an exciting time in my life… im having such a great time, reconnecting w loved ones and work people… meeting new people… strong in my recovery and living my dream…i have been able to spend more quality time w the people that  i love and my family… my foundation is SOLID, I HAVE A GREAT GOD…
i am also on this eating clean diet which is a drag but the results make it all the worth while… im not gonna lie, McDonalds sounds sooooo good…i am not having any oils or butter or fat for the time being and doing a different workout…. i dont work out as long but i work hard on certain areas…
im a single woman having a blast w my girlfriends and family and at the end of the day this is exactly what i need and am enjoying… life is what we make of it….

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May
09.
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HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE… i have to say i had the best day w my mama and my little brother… we went to eat at our favorite Italian Restaurant and then to do a little shopping…. i adore my mom… she has over come so many obstacles in her life and showed my brother and i so much …. most importantly to LOVE EACHOTHER  no matter what else happens in our lives…. my dad did too…

i was so open to just eat anything i wanted and didnt feel guilty about it today… and boy did i eat lots of carbs and drank like 4 diet cokes….ahhhhhh the ability to not feel bad about it felt amazing…

im excited about my NEW LIFE … just so much to do regarding this new beginning…

i  did OTFs for CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5 on Thrus …also went to an event on THRUS nite w my friend Mandy … then we went to my good friends Sarahs house for a while and hung out… on Fri nite i spent the evening w my BEST FRIEND  Brandi Glanville Cibrian and her kids … it was so great being w her… my friends have been so great w me during this time in my life…

 

 


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Sep
01.
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i just wrote over 300 words and i accidentally deleted the whole thing!!!!!! so i guess this is all im suppose to write tonight…

ok ill just write whatever comes to my mind…

JENN H i was laughing when i couldnt sleep last nite and i started accepting friends on fb and BOOM , there u were asking me what i was doing up… i had to sneak the phone down low on my side of the bed and touch the key pads slowly cuz if i do it loudly i will get caught by TOM…its as if i was being a bad child… i was secretly giggling …

this last weekend i was suppose to do EMMY parties and events all weekend but  on fri evening i started having this terrible pain in my bladder and i ended up on sat in the hospital for 9 hours…i passed a kidney stone,a bladder infection,suffering from dehydration and a TERRIBLE migraine…ya fun times…TOM was such a champ and hung in there with me for all those hours when i woke up sunday i had that damn migraine back and it wouldnt go away…i spent most of my day at doctors office today…im just friggin falling apart…im physically worn down and in pain…

my days are normally super long and super busy but im wearing down….

can i tell u a secret????? i love pickle juice!!!! is that wierd…

definitely need to get my hair cut ,just a tad bit…its been over 4 months now and ive fried the hell out of it this summer with all the bleaching and when i work i always have people doing,pulling,teasing,ironing,blow drying etc etc my poor hair…my girl DEB B hooked me up with the best shampoo and conditioner and hair oil from NEIL GEORGE…omg its amazing…thank u mamas…im in love…

alright im getting tired guys…so little sleep these days….hope u have a great right now






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