thank u guys so much for ur love and support…it blows me away how kind and loving u guys are … ur truly gentle souls…thank u for being in my life…u really show me that im not alone and I AM LOVED!!!! at the end of the day thats all we all really want…is to BE LOVED.

like i said yesterday i have going thru being uncomfortable in my own skin ….when we go thru painful moments in life, as my sponsor and many wonderful insightful people say to me, “this too shall pass”…but for me i also find that thru the uncomfortable comes growth and learning lessons…even thou ive been going thru some serious change lately, I AM WALKING THRU MY FEARS , all the while having people lead the way and holding my hand…but for the GRACE OF GOD… only thru my experience will i be able to help others an find myself having a spiritual awakening…. sometimes i have to have the pain hurt bad enough to make the change… its also the good things that scare me….and truthfully i have a lot of great things happening to me right now…i also know the responsibilities that come w this….but staying in the moment helps me realize that all i have is the right here right now… but for me its, being honest w people and sharing that im uncomfortable or just that im scared… a group of people i call friends and confidants is something i never thought id have…people who truly have my back and want nothing but the best for me as i for them has beenone of the biggest gifts for me….ive been writing alot an d im doing a “cleaning house” inventory per sponsor direction….and i just surrendered on a whole new level , IM NOT IN CONTROL… im just going w the flow, ive dropped the rock,and this scares me !!!!! this has NOTHING to do w one person right now, its all about me believing in me and having faith that GOD has a plan for me….and that GOD didnt bring me this far to leave me…

so today i went to the gym… then Redlight Pr and the girls there hooked me up w the most amzing wardrobes for nxt few things i have…by the time i left i had so many more things booked for publicity this coming wk… also i got asked to shoot a show for tomorrow night w my BESTIE BRANDI GLANVILLE CIBRIAN  and i got invited to a movie Premiere tonight it was fun being back in that world again …since i want to get back into acting again it was a great introductory to that world…making the transition to acting again has kinda scared me but im soooo tired of staying stuck and not following my heart, letting fear over ride my joy and passion for the things i want, that im saying out loud ….ok ok in a blog, but i have told a few other people…F### it why not throw it out to the universe….right?????

Miss.AMY HALL aka Pocketsize was my date…she is such a lifesaver for me and an angel …im blessed to have her…then i went to an AA meeting which ive gone to at some point everyday the last few wks…

went to Whole foods last 2 days …have to say its a bit to pricey for me…oh and i got my nails did… literally i was gone driving and place to place for well over 13 hrs but ive been going since 8isham its now 1am…. so im retiring for nite…. sweet dreams my dear friend xoxoxo

16 is my favorite number….my little brother was born on that day and so was i and i have many other reasons for it as well… happy 16th day of june guys….

oh man this oopzies that i have going on is getting ridiculous…split coffee 2 xs today…once all over me…yup good times… its just always right before my GOD blessed women w this gift time…. and im a bundle of emotions last few days… im also going thru a lot of change… i just moved out of a place ,ended a relationship w my x boyfriend and work is getting hectic w CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5  about to start, i have a crazy publicity schedule happening (which im honestly so grateful for) other jobs im doing/shooting and a new manager that is doing such a great job for me…plus sobriety ,meeting,working w sponsies,my sponsor ,the program, family i tend for ,family quality time, friends ,me and my little mickey …oh and working out…im not complaining its just a new phase, a new chapter in my life… I DEFFENTLY DONT HAVE THE WAAAA BURGERS AND FRENCH CRY I NEED A WAMBULANCE  SYMDROME  going on its just new and real for me right now…plus i dont know how to be sober 5 yrs 5 months and 1 day like i am this too is new…

needless to say im in a transitional phase … im getting to know myself on a whole new scale … im relying on this thing called GOD and as my sponsor says im dating GOD right now… so w all this and other thing s going on im uncomfortable in my skin at times during the day but for the most part im HAPPYand peaceful and having FUN… my friends and family have been soooo amazing and allowing me to realize im human and that i can go thru and get thru anything (ive been thru so much worse)… some amazing people have come into my life and also the ones ive had that stand solid in my life  are letting me know im alright during this time…im thankful that i have a group of people that i can lean on and tell the truth with…plus i just suffer from alcoholism period…. my head likes to play games w me … i do have tools that the program and steps have help me deal and handle the ism w…

i just got asked to shoot a show w my girl BRANDI on Sat that she is doing… ive done it once before and its wild….i have to wear white for this “WHITE PARTY” so im going to a fashion PR company REDLIGHT PR tomorrow to pull clothes  from… theyve been pretty good w me lately on that !!!

i just spent the evening w my little brother DWIGHT… we had dinner ,went into the jacuzzi for tiny bit and then just chatted about life…he is such a blessing…hes such a kind soul…a good man…hes smart and somewhat shy…and an incredible business man…wow we are so different yet alike (somewhat) ,we get each other and we will die for each other…poor little guy i use to toucher the poor little one as akid…could u imagine having me as a big sister…

Amy and i have been spending a lot of time together … she is a rock for me … shes so hip,cool,awesome,creative,stylish,wise,smart and fun… almost 10 yrs ago she was my mentor for yrs and seriously saved my life …its so nice to reconnect w her… she is letting me see the creative person in me …something im finding again back in my life…she gets me…shes 5″1 ft with a super duper tiny frame really light skin,blue eyes w brown hair.. but because we get each other and have been so close she use to call me “POCKETSIZE” cuz im sooo the opposite of her, almost 5″10 dark skin,big boned latina…and when i was afraid or nervous she said i could go into her pocket…stories longer but….awwww i love my POCKETSIZE

.im going to change my workout up a bit ….so tomorrow im taking an abs class30 mins and a yoga class…i havent done a workout class in forever let alone 2….im shocking my body …oh and due to the oopzie time of the month i ate in&out and for diner i had spinach salad,cous cous, taboulie (whole foods) and a gluten free burrito….ummmm not so hot but i have been so vigilant that i dont care for just today… but back on good eating tomorrow again….

im w my girlfriend Miss.Amy Hall right now… we just finished going to Anita Pointers house for a fitting(one of the Pointer sisters) i was asked to do a fashion show and introduce the opening of the benefit…i have to say i love fashion shows… as a model i did it all magazines,campaigns,videos and runway etc… BUT… Runway fashion shows was always my favorite,always…. so its gonna be fun…. wow and my costumes are beyond fabulous and theatrical…

i had an uber full day and its only going to get insane and uber duber busy for me…hell who am i kidding its already there… im living my dream and have to realize to smile and enjoy the ride…

i ran into an x boyfriend CHRIS KATTAN today and i was soooo truly happy to see him… we literally bumped into each other …we talked for a while and i was able to really appreciate our time together while talking… im grateful he was in my life back in the day… we dated for 2 1/2 yrs, many,many moons ago… making an amends is a beautiful thing…. i wish him only happiness and greatness….

i worked this morning ,went to an AA meeting , gym and other things then finally my fitting for the fashion show benefit…

ive been spending time with many wonderful friends … ive had some pretty God shot moments… im not alone today… im realizing that I AM LOVED AND I HAVE PEOPLE WHO TRULY CARE FOR ME ….

oh i have been doing the stairmasters at the gym and its sooo friggin painful i want to die but im increasing my speed and my body is loving the results… why does it have to hurt so much to work damn ittttttt?

im getting the oooopzis rightr now which well for us woman means….so all im thinking about tonight is Mc.Donalds and pizza… yummmmmmmy…. no.. i wont tonight im heading to sleep and praying this too shall pass….

so much has happened in my life in the last few months….so to retract it all would be crazy… lets just say CHANGE in big ways have occured …

this week was a super busy week for me…On WED I did Group at PRC then OTFs for CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5(which means reshoots)then work meetings afterwards…they were great meetings… I did “ISSUES W JANE VALEZ MITHCELL” ON THURS… that show is on HEADLINELINE NEWS  . I have been so blessed w doing JVM…I am completely in awe of her and her strength…I LOVE the HEADLINE NEWS and CNN family…then straight after CNN STUDIOS I went to THE PRISM AWARDS ,PRESENTED,DID GREEN SCREEN INTERVIEWS,DID PRESS LINE AND PRESS INTERVIEWS FOR THE SHOW AND SOBER HOUSE 2 WAS NOMINATED… I had a blast…On FRI i presented DR.GABOR MATE at THE SKIRBALL CULTRAL CENTER for WITERS IN TREATMENT which I found him to be so insightful. these are the things i did but theres sooooo much more that goes on in my 24hrs…

right now I am in the best shape i have been in a very long time…Ill eventually talk about that soon…

Today i got up at 1pm which was nice but i also went to bed at 5am…8hrs has been something ive lacked lately…

THIS NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE ….I have such a great support team between my family and friends and recovery family…its time to BELIEVE in me and hold tightly to GOD…

went to the movies w my brother tonight ,  church , to the gym and washed my car today .. now catching up on my JOURNAL and some texts…have to get up super early have a luncheon benefit early so i have to get my hair and makeup done. taking my godma PATTY B tomorrow w me then I am spealking at an AA meeting… xoxoxoxo

wow its been forever….. so i just sat on the phone with AUNG and she is going to help me recreate my website with the helps of GREG my web guy of course…. its so time for change….im actually excited about getting onward and upward…..shes got a brilliant mind….

since the last time i have written alot has happened…lets see

ARGENTINA for a lot of healing and unconditional love by my beautiful family

i am now 5 years and 17 days sober…. they say ur head pops outta ur ass…???? mine hasnt yet but i feel alot better in my life today…..

i have to say ive been extremely busy in my life….it blows me away the support and love i have received from all u …i never realized how many good people there are out in the world…ya theres some not so hot ones but, the good out ways the bad….

im really excited about how this year has started… i havent fallen off a bike infront of the post office and ive been able to meet calamity with serenity….what????? i thought that wasnt possible…but it is…..

im back on getting in the habit of blogging… i just feel so good when doing so…i just thought id check in to get in the swing of things…

i havent officially quit smoking but im cut down by 70%….

MICKEY just got washed ive been on the phone for hours and i got up at 645am this morning working… so what does TOM do ????? encourage MICKEY to bury his bone !!!!! so my clean little MICKEY comes in covered in mud!!!!!! COVERED!!!!!! yup …. just another day in the life…..

this weekend is the  SUPERBOWL, im so down for the STEELERS….

i just wrote over 300 words and i accidentally deleted the whole thing!!!!!! so i guess this is all im suppose to write tonight…

ok ill just write whatever comes to my mind…

JENN H i was laughing when i couldnt sleep last nite and i started accepting friends on fb and BOOM , there u were asking me what i was doing up… i had to sneak the phone down low on my side of the bed and touch the key pads slowly cuz if i do it loudly i will get caught by TOM…its as if i was being a bad child… i was secretly giggling …

this last weekend i was suppose to do EMMY parties and events all weekend but  on fri evening i started having this terrible pain in my bladder and i ended up on sat in the hospital for 9 hours…i passed a kidney stone,a bladder infection,suffering from dehydration and a TERRIBLE migraine…ya fun times…TOM was such a champ and hung in there with me for all those hours when i woke up sunday i had that damn migraine back and it wouldnt go away…i spent most of my day at doctors office today…im just friggin falling apart…im physically worn down and in pain…

my days are normally super long and super busy but im wearing down….

can i tell u a secret????? i love pickle juice!!!! is that wierd…

definitely need to get my hair cut ,just a tad bit…its been over 4 months now and ive fried the hell out of it this summer with all the bleaching and when i work i always have people doing,pulling,teasing,ironing,blow drying etc etc my poor hair…my girl DEB B hooked me up with the best shampoo and conditioner and hair oil from NEIL GEORGE…omg its amazing…thank u mamas…im in love…

alright im getting tired guys…so little sleep these days….hope u have a great right now

so the last few weeks or maybe months ive been sleep walking… i slept walk apparently into the kitchen, drank water, peeled apples, tried to steal marshmallows from Toms cereal & checked my phone,that was just last nite… ( side note…Tom was kinda pissy that i tried to take his marshmallows from his “Count Chocula” that Aung had sent him)… we were just talking about it, normally i just laugh it off & we just normally think its just another “JENNISM” i do…but a light went off & i said to Tom” what if i really did something bad?” Tom said ” what like come try to kill me?”  i say “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, like cut myself by acciident while tryin to peel apple” ( why would he take it there?????) then i started thinking & i shared with him as im about to share with you….ive slept walked on and off my whole life… as a little girl i would walk downstairs in my sleep and walk outside, even once in my underwear …. go into closets etc etc…now im workin myself up and Tom said “we should put a little bell on you so i can hear you “… oh ya , he ended up raising his voice at me while i was sleep walking last night and woke me, i nearly went into shock….he thought i was awake…. nope buddy i was sound asleep… i wonder if this is something i need to address? what do you think… should i be concerned?…

so when i woke up this morning i have to say im so freakin sore…. that 5 million mile hike killed my butt thighs and calves…im kinda wanting to do more hikes now…oh no did i just say that out loud…i was so shocked when i  finally had  looked at my body bug, it said i had burned 4105 in calories  19997 in steps  and 9 hrs 18 mins in activity level… i have to say i was so happy yesterday all day…. its nice to be able to say that…today should be a great day as well… i am excited cuz tomorrow im going to the beach with my mama,Tom and brother… its my mamas birthday tomorrow so thats what she wants to do…

little Mickey has been is just so adorable…he Auntie Aung has sent him toys and clothes but the little monster is running around w his toy she got him…he wont move without it….

Theresa, i want to thank you as well as so many other people for encouraging me to start writing again….

what a HOT summer day today has been… i actually started my day off by doing something i havent done in a long time…i went on a hike ,not just a little hike ,a 5 miles hike up the mountains in 100 degree wheather today …and i did it after 10 am… maybe not the smartest thing to do 1st time up this crazy mountain… i thought i was goin to die…but i ended up having a great time…then i dashed over to train w my trainer “BOSS” DARLENE… it was a comedy act at the gym cuz i was so dehydrated from the crazy billion mile hike… so we kinda took it in stride…i have been very SERIOUS about my training and taking care of my health… its taken me almost 2 yrs to get here… i am pleased with where i am at but very excited to get to where i want to go w my body…im btw 23-23.something % body fat … well, actually ill know exactly next week when i get measured and weighed again… people think i just lost the weight in a mointh or 3 , but actually its been a long and slow process cuz im proud to say ive done it correctly with the guide and assistant of  my trainer , nutritionist and getting regular check ups by doctors to make sure all is alright….but DARLENE has been my force…

i have been doing things “OUTSIDE THE BOX” for me lately…and ill give u more details later… im off to be with great girlfriends tonight and get some recovery as well…

ive missed writing on here for all u to see and hear my experiences…. im so grateful u all exist and have supported me along the way…oh ya i cant wait to hear back from you….