Dec
12.
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Brandi Glanville is constantly at the center of controversy but through it all, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star exclusively tells RadarOnline.com there’s one thing that keeps her sane and that’s her best friend, Jennifer Gimenez.
Through a husband, a divorce, her children, Twitter wars, reality-TV, explosive feuds with her ex’s new wife and terrifying medical scares, Brandi says Jennifer is the one who has always been by her side, so much so, that when Brandi attended therapy sessions with Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes, Jennifer sat in with her! “Jennifer is like a family member to me. She’s really been my rock through my divorce, through everything. When I went to therapy with [Eddie and LeAnn], Jennifer sat in with me because she’s my other half right now,” Brandi told Radar.
“I would do anything for her. We’re just one big misfit family. I depend on her…I lean on her and I need her. She keeps me sane when I start to go crazy. She calls me out when I’m not right and she validates me when I need it.”
And the feeling is mutual, because Jennifer tells RadarOnline.com that she would take a bullet for Brandi and literally owes her life to her. “In my toughest, most darkest time, she and my mom threw me into treatment,” Jennifer, who is now years into sobriety, said.”If it wasn’t for them, I doubt I would be alive today. I would take a bullet for her. People get the wrong idea about Brandi…she is a loving and caring woman, a great mother to her two boys…she LOVES her boys, and a great friend. She’s very generous, supportive and truthful.”
The two women have been best friends for 16 years, and Jennifer was even the first one to hold Brandi’s nine-year-old son, Mason, when he was born. “The negative stuff people say about Brandi, it’s not true. If they knew Brandi like I do they wouldn’t believe the bullish*t,” Jennifer said. “Jennifer’s my voice of reason in so many ways. She lived with me for a year, and my boys love her. She’s my best friend and almost like a therapist to me!” Brandi said.
As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Brandi has a benign tumor in her breast that she will have surgically removed on Wednesday, and it’s Jennifer who will be with her during the procedure. “I’m very proud of Brandi…today is yet another obstacle for her. She has surgery, but she will not be alone because I’ll be there to be by her side,” Jennifer said.

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Dec
01.
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I was talking with a dear friend of mine a few weeks back and I had the “whoa is me” french cries saying how poor me doesn’t sleep & blah blah waaa waaa going on and he said “JENN ur living the dream baby girl, u get to do what ur passionate about ” which is “helping others and acting  and being in front of the camera, ur a do’er and an achiever, u don’t just dream it-U LIVE IT”-and right at that moment he put it all in perspective for me….so to u Darin I am grateful to have been called out like that….sometimes I just need to be reminded…

I have to say that I am sooooo happy in my life. I feel like crying from the joy… thru all the good and all the hard times I have peace overall…

This “dating JENNY and GOD phase” has been healing for me.  I do have hope that someone will be able to be my PARTNER and be whole heartedly invested in me and I in them…setting an UNORTHODOX way of life for us both , where we are safe, IN LOVE, happy, fully committed and 100% for each other. Until then JENNY and her big man upstairs isn’t so bad. He brings me blessings.


This past Sunday I was on CELEBRITY REHAB REVISITED on VH1. It showed some of the cast from CELEB REHAB Season 2 and SOBERHOUSE…like my sweet ANDY DICK…and Amber,Nikki, and Rodney. I had no idea that it was going to be on-but boy was it a bitterly sweet show to see. That show, time and experience changed me and my life on every level…and has helped keep me sober till this day…and more imporantly, it helped so many people all over the world. These precious people I’ve lived with for a month….they were so brave. I keep in contact with all of them.


On Monday they announced me in the movie I am doing “CHASTITY BITES”… I was thrilled … the movie is  so hysterical. I’m blown away by the writing …Lotti rocked it….she’s the writer…a BRILLIANT writer….you’ll be surprised by my character. It’s something I’ve never played before!!!!!!!!!!


On Monday night I was also on the teaser of  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS  season 2 for next weeks episode. I’m happy to say that I’ve shot a few episodes of that show with my BEST FRIEND BRANDI GLANVILLE -she is on this season…we’ll see what airs. I will be on the show more than just next week …I gather…

I also have been working at Klean Center and other places…I love doing groups. It’s amazing being able to study human behavior, mental disorders and drug addiction…I’m learning so much.  I love it….

I have a lot of ANGELS out there like Chula , Anna ,and so many more that I can’t even begin to THANK for UR LOVE AND SUPPORT …it’s been …well a tough one and THANK U ALL for helping me keep on keeping on…really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart…

I’ve been working out and have been consistant with it and eating the best that I can. My body has changed even more lately….

so my JENNISM moment….I’m with a friend of mine this past Tuesday nite and something was said that was funny so what happens ….I start laughing out loud and snot comes out….ya not my finest moment…seriously my cool factor is so NON EXISTENT….at least I haven’t taken a tumble this week or ran into anything….thus far…..


Oh it’s the holiday season!!! I cant believe the end of the year is just a blink of an eye away…because all this has happened this year I KNOW 2012 is gonna ROCK…BRING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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Nov
28.
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My life has become so full….I’m blessed beyond words…my life is so diverse…I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and I’m truly sorry…more for me actually because I don’t even know where to begin.  This year really was my SURRENDER YEAR and I remember in the beginning of the yr telling/asking  GOD  that I WAS WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TOOK TO FIND MYSELF, MY HAPPINESS and to GET OUT OF FEELING STUCK. Be careful what you pray for because it does come to pass…at least that has been my experience. I was so good at telling you to jump and that the net would catch you,but all of a sudden I found myself not doing the same…so I did. I JUMPED and my GOD and all his angels have caught me…. from my family to my friends, loved ones and so many others  I didn’t know actually cared for my well being. I have found fun, love and hope this year on a level I didn’t know existed.

In January I’ll be 6 yrs sober…yes I’m 1st to say all I have is today… living in my moment has become so rich and full…filled with trials and errors….but I’m so not alone right now. I’m in awe of the girl that I never thought  could be loved…and I’m finding that I AM. It’s scary to disclose my true self but showing that to you in my blogs is something I wanted to do because I’M FINDING JENNY and no longer am ashamed of that…I get to look the world in the eye. I’ve gone from having the man with a big house,puttting my life till this day in storage, to renting a couch for a 100 dollars a wk while wearing  $10000 outfits on red carpets,  all the while sobbing in fetal position…to living with my POCKETSIZE AMY HALL, MY ANGEL JIM HETCH and having DEXTER(his dog) nurture me back to health and finding safety-to living with my BFF BRANDI GLANVILLE and her boys because I’ve ended a relationship. I’ve also been  in a terrible car accident & totaled my car (my fault), liability only so had to get a new one. I had my wallet stolen a month ago with all my idenity in it. I just wanted to feel some love and not feel alone… there was a point that night when I was walking into MASTRO’s with Brandi-and my brother called  saying credit card companies were calling due to irregular activities…and there I was outside calling the c.c. companies…and someone came up to me to say they were a fan…and paps were taking pictures of me…and honestly I got off the phone and thought “what’s the fucking point” and the very next thought was what I alway’s tell you guys ” WE ALL HAVE A STORY TO TELL” and I want mine to be a damn good one. Exactly 2 wks later I GOT A MOVIE & became the voice & face for KLEAN CENTER & began doing groups there while taking human behavior, mental disorders & drug addiction courses. I also have been having a great time socially …

The movie I’m doing is called “CHASTITY BITES” and I’m so honored to be a part of it. I shoot all of DECEMBER. I’ve  been to the table read, met the rad cast and crew and gone to fittings. I am having a great time being involved and seeing my character come to life…I was scared to say the last 6 years I wanted to act again-but I have 1 life to live & ppl told me to DREAM BIG and I AM NOW….I believe that I can have MY FULL DREAM….SOBRIETY, FAMILY,a CAREER, FRIENDS and A MAN  & 1 day MARRIAGE AND KIDS…&I’m open for whatever else comes my way.  At the end of the day I AM FINDING JENNY …the woman in me gets to protect the girl inside and it’s you who teaches me that…so…THANK U….

On a funny note this last wk I have been a huge cluts. I was helping BRANDI get the groceries from her car and I ate it so hard on her driveway…ughhhh. Then I kept getting bruises all over…and finally I had an allergic reaction to new products on my face and I looked like a watermelon on THANKSGIVING morning. The swelling has gone down 75/80% but OMG what a nightmare. What I learned from this is U KNOW U ARE LOVED WHEN PPL STILL WANT TO SEE U AND BE AROUND U….



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Oct
14.
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Jim Hecht, John Leguizamo & I


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Oct
03.
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I found myself wanting to pick up the phone and call my dad this week… I have this moment thats like “oh I can’t wait to tell my dad…. he will be so happy… ” and BOOM it’s a 5 second delay and I just get shocked as if “WHY IS HE NOT HERE DAMN IT”!!!!!!!! I write this with tears pouring down my face …then I realize it’s just one of those things that I have to accept. I’ve had one of the best weeks of my life…so much growth,miracles and break throughs happened…

I’m on day 10 of “EATING CLEAN’ diet… really it’s not a diet, it’s a way to detox ur body of all the crap one can consume…. …honestly it’s just really clean eating. For 2 days before I start,I eat as much and whatever I want. If u look in my past blogs from 2010 you’ll see my blogging of my weight loss even prior to that….it seriously did not happen over night and I tend to eat what I like;I’ve learned so much about my body and it being like a machine. I ask alot of questions and take vitamins like fish oils, womens multi vitamins and many others. Everyone is different so I take what I find works for me. I also work out differently (weekly or daily)….shocking my body is key…but eating correctly is the secret. The “eating clean” is everything organic, no oils , no butters, lemons…and Stevia is one of my best friends. I swam today and have been doing cardio this past wk…. and in my cardio I make sure my heart rate is between 130 to 140… it allows me to burn fat,not muscle…and since I’m eating very little calories-throughout the day I get a bit tired. I do alot of situps and light weights. I will be on this for 3 more days…it allows me to get my metabolism up. I’ve lost a good amount of weight,which is incredible…

I worked with my sponsor this week for over 6 hrs , worked w sponsies, attended meetings. I also hung out on Thurs. morning w JAMIE LEE CURTIS and SHAWNA ANKENBRANT ( she is the photographer I shot STAR MAG with, she is sooo talented , I feel safe w/ her). On Fri. nite I went to ASHLEY HAMILTON’s birthday party his mom ALANA and my bff JIM HECHT threw for him. It was soooooo much fun… I laughed so hard. Last Monday my bff BRANDI GLANVILLE came out on HWOBH… a friend of ours had a gathering for her… I was and am very proud of her…

I think that I’m getting sick…. ughhh…

I have a few jobs lined up (coming soon)…oh & my STAR MAGAZINE article came out this week!!!! I can’t believe that I’m in a bikini for the whole world to see… wow I would have never believed that I would be back in a bikini shape body. I hope you all can see it ….more photos are coming out soon from that shoot…

I was on the PRISM Awards on FX last Sunday nite…. thank u to all who watched it…

Lately since the STAR MAG came out alot of people are asking me if I’m dating alot,or if my phone is blowing up with guys asking me out…and truth be told is “NO!” Not a date at all. I do think I’m close to ready or am ready,I think. My sponsor has me “dating myself”….saying things that I would want a guy to say to me. It’s odd but I’m doing it. I’m just so fragile and vulnerable right now-and I just don’t want to deal with getting hurt. I believe that I’ve healed from my past relationship. I must say,I have alot of male friends in my life who are amazing …. they are very special to me and I am blessed to have them…

Facebook and Twitter have been something that I’ve grown to love … only because of all the love and support I receive on there…I just love everyone on FB and Twitter… and I especially love U!!!!!

 

 


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Aug
26.
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It’s been such an amazing summer… I have never been so busy in my life… I can’t tell u the last time I was this happy… my life is very full. I have overcome alot… especially this year… and it’s been such a blessing having you guys, my family and friends in my life… finding Jenny has been a journey… yes it’s been up and yes it’s been down but having the ok’s and the grey’s of the black and whites is the key for me….

Today was my first day of not having to be somewhere by a certain time… I had alot of catching up to do… but I just paced myself… my calls backs for work stuff is quite a task but my personal call backs is by far the longest list I had….I just wanted to spend some time doing what I WANTED to do (today at some point) and it felt great… I got on computer early in the am and just said to myself “I just want to swim like a fish” and play w Dexter…so I did. I ended up doing 75 laps (1 lap=back and fourth once to me).  Then I made calls and off I went. I needed a meeting so I went, then work… coffee and to the gym were I worked out for 2hrs & 45 mins…I stopped and talked w a few familiar faces…one being a dear friend of mine GORDI HOFFMAN… he is so sweet & a brilliant writer and director , we did an abs class together.  Then I hit the steam room. I’ve been doing the steam room for the last week. Yesterday I worked in the am at PRC then went to visit my Mickey. I received an urgent call from someone,so I ended up doing a 12step call for like 5 hrs…till the evening… that drained me. My boy JIM  had a screening of our good friend ASHLEY HAMILTON’s movie that he produced at his house were I stay-so I came home to a house of about 14 people. I stayed up till 3am.  There were some pretty amazing people there like Sydney, Cara, Rome and other industry people whom I mostly know.  It was such a fantastic night w such creative people from actors, writers, producers, musicians and just all people in the the industry…(oh &I was in my work out gear, not so hot but oh so comfortable).  I love JIM so much and ASHLEY is a sweetheart… JIM’s like an angel for me. A friend of his stayed the night and we tortured him- talking poop talk and girl stuff around him … he’s easy to gross out. TUESDAY I worked and I have to say I was so nervous when I got asked to do this job I was like “SURE, NO PROB” then as soon as I got off phone a wk ago I was like “what the F did I just say…”  It was for a BIKINI SHOOT for a MAGAZINE…OMG…. I was stressing over this. I woke up at 6am and made coffee- drank it and boom I threw up like the exorcist from the nerves. I have to say the shoot was magical…SEAN JAMES, CAMERON COHEN, SHAWNA ANKENBRANT AND LEAH ORNSTEIN MADE ME FEEL AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL…. there were a few other people there but that was my core crew. We shot at such a gorgeous house in Bel Air… Sean put extensions in my hair for 3 hrs … the look was Hollywood Starlet Returns and  Homage to Sophia Loren and Rachel Welch….aghhhhh we’ll see how it turns out. The swimming has gotten me so much smaller….people lately stop me and say “oh my you are tiny…”  Makes me want to cry and people who haven’t seen me in a very very long time and friends now both say I’m back to my modeling day’s body. Again I’m in awwwwe and just want to cry … I FIGHT DAILY IN ALL MY AFFAIRS AND THE PAY OFF IS REWARDING… it’s breaking the old ideas of myself and of life . I do believe ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN LIFE…

I’m so tired that I’m going to go to sleep now…

I LOVE U



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Aug
14.
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My week started out really great… last Sun I swam , wrote in my journal(my personal one) then I went to meet up w my girl ,who is one of my BEST FRIENDS, TARA CONNER ( Miss.USA) . I went to her house and off we went to get our toes and nails done… we talked and talked and talked … the funny thing is that I was hesitant to actually spend quality time w her…  reason being is for many years I was told so many negative things (subtly) that I started believing those things… I’m doing this new chapter alone and to be perfectly honest…it’s pretty wild to have her as a friend. We have sooooo much in common…. the way we grew up even though she was in pageants and I was modeling-we were alway’s identified as objects. We in fact have so much depth and weight to our existence. We have walked the same path in many ways… even though we are in a different age range ,(she being in her 20′s and I in my 30′s )we relate so much to each other… and I know she loves me for me. I am honored to call Tara my friend. She calls me out on my stufff and I do to her as well-but we do it w love. We only want the best for each other… I LOVE MY TARA CONNER. I came back and live TWEETED… I love talking to my fans and friends on TWITTER….speaking of  TWITTER I have such amazing people who follow me… and then I have a core group of mainly woman who have my back …it’s just mind blowing … I feel so loved and protected by these girls…. I mean seriously I adore each one of them…. I thank GOD for them …. and I want u ladies to know how much I LOVE U!!!! I also LOVE  the men who protect me. I don’t think they even understand that I’ve been going thru tough times and them loving me and protecting me is something I was afraid of never having. I’m starting to heal in such a miraculous way & I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel-but boy oh boy I didn’t think it was going to come for a long time….


Monday I worked and then went to see my mamas…did interviews for CELEBRITY REHAB etc. etc. then one of my sponsies came over and we worked on her steps till 2am … I fel asleep like around 3:30am and up I was on Tues. with more work.  In the evening I went out to eat w one of the loves of my life… I just love being able to be me around him …we laughed alot then I came home to more work things…


Wednesday I did my group at PRC then I had a photo shoot w Sean James (who is my hairdresser) and he does so many fabulous people it’s incredible and Shawna ANKEMBRANT shot and LEBOC did the make up… amazing day which ended up lasting from 1pm to 8:45 pm…then BRANDI GLANVILLE my BEST FRIEND wanted to meet so I said yes and we met at DANTANAS and had sooooo much fun. I hadn’t eaten so I was starving and had a yummy steak…we had a ball there. 2 singles ladies just laughing and talking and being us ,till the wee hrs. of the morning… I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND BRANDI… I’d take a bullet for that girl…. I left at 9am and came home at 2am …up at 7am on

Thursday…more interviews and so much to do and I thought that I was gonna pass out…but I ended up at my mama’s and drove back to be w DEXTER … I love where I am staying . Dex is a golden who I just adore… I have been working out in between the madness and the best thing is I swim every day no matter what…. like a fish I swim and I feel like a mermaid too.  ;)  I feel so good about it and I’ve lost some inches. 


Friday went by so fast…work work work then swimming, gym and fittings at HSM Fashion PR firm and got so many gorgeous dresses…then errands in between and another sponsie came to get me and we went to an AA meeting then I got invited out … so I went w my BUBBS PATTY…she has been such a saving grace to me…we had fun!

Today I had to work then went and spent time w my mamas and MICKERZ , got my nails did ,swam earlier , played w Dexter and went shopping w mama Gimenez…she is so beautiful my mamas… I wonder if i could possibly be half the mom she is w me and my brother… woman who are mothers inspire me…I did so much more that I can’t write it all down…

reason why I have to go shopping is when I moved out of my X’s I just put my life literally in storage and I just didn’t nor did I care that everything was there…but the clothes I took don’t fit me anymore-which is nice but costly. Not so fun on a budget. I bought 3 pairs of jeans that are a size 6 … in the dressing room I started crying while smiling cuz I just can’t eff’ing believe it… I had a proud moment. Hard work does pay off. I’m back on this eating clean diet w no oils or butter , everything is weighed. I want the last 5 lbs. off, ok ok 8 off then super model weight is back.  I will blog tomorrow about something that I’ve been dealing with and a loss I recently had…nxt wk is super crazy for me starting tomorrow till following Monday …



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Jul
31.
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I’ve been bat s### crazy lately… I feel like a robot just going… I’ve been uplifted by ur love and encouragement…last week I did so much…I went to an event where USHER performed and it was fun…I did tv shows…podcasts…webisodes…interviews…business meetings/dinners/lunches,fittings, oh jeez and the list goes on…oh and then there’s somewhat of my personal life like gym, spending time w my mom,brother, little MICKEY,12 step meetings and seeing a couple of my friends…working w my sponsies, working thru my …well…. growing pains… it feels like the flood gates of all these new emotions are opening up…good and bad. I’m growing up…

I must say I’m losing alot of hair, got a terrible eye twitch(which I found out is from stress) , my face is breaking out like a 13 yr old boy hitting puberty, my voice goes in and out from exhaustion and I’m getting grays…I feel like I’m getting wrinkles and need toothpicks for my eyes… ya not so HOT….this too shall pass…it’s kinda hysterical to me at this point….

this week started crazy and ended cray …. I’m honestly goin’ 100mph…I did “ISSUES W JANE VALEZ MITCHELL”on Mon on HLN, more interviews this wk , I also did DR.DREW SHOW on HLN on Wed which was super AWESOME , did a few CANADIAN TV/TALK NEWS SHOWS, did live RADIO, ON CAMERA GREEN SCREEN SHOOTS, met w my MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO who ROCKS , vh1 Blogs, other blogs, did other TV SHOW, SPENT SOME TIME W friends like  BRANDI GLANVILLE AND TATUM ONEAL,SAW MY MAMA AND BROTHER AND LITTLE  MICKERZ , went to CHURCH, 12 step meetings, committments,GYM ,EVENTS, AND SOOOOOO SOOO SOOOO MUCH MORE… THIS WEEK WENT SO DAMN FAST I MEAN SUPER FAST I ALSO WENT TO DR’s WHO SAID I HAD LOST EVEN MORE WEIGHT …guess that’s good… I am eating and last 2 day’s somewhat slept… today I went to the gym then swam for 2 1/2 hrs which was so nice it was me and DEXTER a dog I’m watching he is soooo sweet… I love where I am this last wk…..tomorrow is a big day… I have CELEBRITY REHAB EPISODE 6 ON VH1 AT 9PM THEN AT 10PM I’M ON MY GOOD FRIEND TATUM ONEALS SHOW ON OWN NETWORK, which I haven’t seen so I’m a little nervous… but let me tell u this as I was in treatment 6 yrs. ago OPRAH gave me hope, at one point I was going to send her a letter asking her if I could go intern for her and share my experience of who I was and what I did…I never got the courage to go through with it- but she encouraged me as I’m sure she encourages the world…I had to save my life …I would pass out to meet her and here I am about to be on her NETWORK… miracles do exist…..OMG OMG OMG… I know that I sound like a geek , but I am, and I’m so grateful for my life today…

I know people are emailing me, tweeting and posting to me to “slow down” but u only have one life and this is my time right now to BE IN MY REALITY THAT I  ONLY HAD DREAMED OF BEFORE…SEIZE MY OPPORTUNITY, WHERE I GO THERE I AM….

I must say this week I cried a lot … sometimes in my car and I had alot of panic attacks cuz I am breaking old ways of thinking… for instance-that I’m not enough etc…the old ways of what was, no longer has to be in my life today…..the crying to me is healthy because I was told tears are signs of my soul and spirit healing….in the midst of my being a personality and image I am my true JENN self and I share that as I go thru it w my confidants and U as well… they tell me it’s ok to be me and that I must be going thru so much inwardly and they are here for me…at the same time I am holding it together while I go in a public arena…sometimes they (my friends and family) hugging me is ENOUGH…. I yearn for my loved ones to touch me it’s so soothing to me… and I’m saying  that in a loving & nurturing way….the human hand-touch is so powerful…well I’m off to bed cuz it’s a big day for me… I’m doing a few hrs. of me time in early am…. I’m taking myself out on a date… to the balcony to write, have some coffee then a swim and my nails did time, cuz I destroyed them from all the  stress, then off to work…. I LOVE U DEARLY…U are helping me HEAL  xoxooxoxo


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Jul
17.
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So much has happened this week …. I have been so on the go… I’m starting to wear out a bit…. I’m so grateful for my girls in my life…AMY, BRANDI, AUNG the list goes on…I don’t get a day off til the 16th of Aug….yes I know people say to take care of me but it’s time for me to seize the moment… God doesn’t give me what I can’t handle…

Alot and I mean alot of people have asked me how I’ve lost the weight… it hasn’t been the easiest thing that I’ve done and it certainly didn’t happen over night… I have done different exercises from walking to running to fast walk, stairmasters, weights,both heavy and light. I’ve learned how to eat … I’m constantly changing up my routine… these last few weeks have been difficult cuz I’ve been on the go and sometimes can’t work out or eat well….. I get to be in charge of my body…

I have worked every single day this week and sometimes 3 jobs or publicity things a day… I work tomorrow on UBEU lifestyles it’s a shoot all day long then I’m on CELEBRITY REHAB EPISODE 4 TOMORROW NIGHT… I think that I’m going to TWEET LIVE FOR THE WEST COAST SHOW…. NEXT WEEK I WILL ALSO BE ON THE “ONEALS” ON OWN NETWORK W TATUM ONEAL WHO IS A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE…. IT IS ON SUNDAY NIGHT AS WELL. I have to say I’M SO HONORED TO BE IN HER SHOW AND ON OPRAHS NETWORK… NOW OPRAH IS ONE OF MY HEROS….u have no idea….

I have spent the week w AMY who literally is my saving grace lately ….I’m so lucky to have her in my life… and I’ve also spent the last few days w BRANDI GLANVILLE…. I’m actually at her house tonight… I babysat the boys yesterday evening and it was truly a blessing to be w her and her boys and sooo much fun…. well since I have to get up uber early I must retire to sleep now… I love all the support and love I’m getting from u all. Honestly sometimes it’s u guys that keep me going…




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Jul
01.
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What a powerful day for me… a spiritual based day for me … I woke up rather early cuz I had made plans to go to a WOMENS MEETING, which I heard about this particular one for a very long time… I have to say it was a just as what I heard ….POWERFUL… it was in the PALISADES…my girlfriend and I took a beautiful drive out there…. I just felt wonderful afterwards…

I then came back to my POCKETSIZE’S casa creative where I did phoners (interviews) for a while for EPISODE 2 of CELEBRITY REHAB , which airs this SUNDAY on VH1… I love doing them… I have a wonderful team … My MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO has a great passion for what she does and a great vision…. I’m honored to say that she believes in me and sees how to market me….ohhhhh I’m sooooo excited for my future…. my other part of my team is my PUBLICIST VALERIE ALLEN and she is a force… she seriously is a bad ass… she also has her team too… Valerie has been away on vacation and I’ve been working w EMILY INGERSOLL who is w Valerie’s camp…. I absolutely LOVE Emily…. she is doing such a great job…. she gets me and is pushing hard for me…. sometimes on an hr. to hr. basis my schedule is changing… I know that I am busy til the middle of Aug…. I have a meeting w her tomorrow…. I feel her passion… we speak the same language…  I also have other team players on my team, but right now  I’m working hand and hand with these women… OHHHH THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE HOW I LOVE THEE (ALL)

I spent some great quality time w AMY on her drive way just sitting in the middle of her drive way while half the world walked by… we were so united in OUR world that it didn’t matter… I’m sure it did look odd ,but I did not care it was OUR moment and time…. I ended up at the gym and did errands … on the way to my mamas I had a long talk w my sponsor Theresa and was just sobbing while speaking w her… I was crying because she is magical… I was crying because I felt free, she said to me “WELCOME INTO THE WORLD OF BEING LIBERATED THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BABY” I knew at that moment that I was relieved of that bondage that has been holding me back and no longer can “it” control me… I will eventually feel comfortable to talk about it…we talked for a long time…. I called AMY sobbing to thank her for her love and accepting all of me….

Today I was in conversation w very influential people that are in my life that I respect and adore… they are my family  in recovery… my sweet GEORGE who I absolutely adore who has alot of time… he is such a rock to me and boy have we danced a dance … I lean on him and just listen to him like a little girl looking at her father… I admire and love that man from Brooklyn… he rates high on my meter… for many reasons ….thank u GEOOOOOORGE! I doubt he reads this but u guys need to know how much I love that man….

I ended up at my homegroup meeting where my sponsie Carly became a secretary at… I came early to help her on her first night. I sat there in awe of this little angel … I can’t believe how far she’s come… thats the beauty of working w others is when u see the lights come on in their eyes… I’ve seen many lights on many men and woman come on and that’s the gift for me…ohhhh I was so proud and am so proud of her…2 meetings in 1 day for me… wooooow! Afterwards Scott, Jeff , Carly and I just sat outside LEH and talked recovery and about our lives for a long long time … I have to say I truly love them and I feel safe around them and we’re just people trying to recover and function in this thing called life. I just felt part of something that was more profound than outside stuff… my spirit was filled all day…the answers came because my house was in order… it was friggin awesome today in my life and in my skin….

learn daily the lesson of trust in the midst of the storms of life. Gods command is the same.be grateful, humble ,calm and loving to all people . Leave each soul the better for having met u or heard u. For all kinds of people, this should be ur attitude, a loving desire to help and an infectious spirit of calmness and trust in God. “U have the answer to loneliness and fear which is calm faith in the goodness and purpose of the universe”… I just love this mediation ….thank u Stretch :)



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