My week started out really great… last Sun I swam , wrote in my journal(my personal one) then I went to meet up w my girl ,who is one of my BEST FRIENDS, TARA CONNER ( Miss.USA) . I went to her house and off we went to get our toes and nails done… we talked and talked and talked … the funny thing is that I was hesitant to actually spend quality time w her…  reason being is for many years I was told so many negative things (subtly) that I started believing those things… I’m doing this new chapter alone and to be perfectly honest…it’s pretty wild to have her as a friend. We have sooooo much in common…. the way we grew up even though she was in pageants and I was modeling-we were alway’s identified as objects. We in fact have so much depth and weight to our existence. We have walked the same path in many ways… even though we are in a different age range ,(she being in her 20′s and I in my 30′s )we relate so much to each other… and I know she loves me for me. I am honored to call Tara my friend. She calls me out on my stufff and I do to her as well-but we do it w love. We only want the best for each other… I LOVE MY TARA CONNER. I came back and live TWEETED… I love talking to my fans and friends on TWITTER….speaking of  TWITTER I have such amazing people who follow me… and then I have a core group of mainly woman who have my back …it’s just mind blowing … I feel so loved and protected by these girls…. I mean seriously I adore each one of them…. I thank GOD for them …. and I want u ladies to know how much I LOVE U!!!! I also LOVE  the men who protect me. I don’t think they even understand that I’ve been going thru tough times and them loving me and protecting me is something I was afraid of never having. I’m starting to heal in such a miraculous way & I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel-but boy oh boy I didn’t think it was going to come for a long time….

Monday I worked and then went to see my mamas…did interviews for CELEBRITY REHAB etc. etc. then one of my sponsies came over and we worked on her steps till 2am … I fel asleep like around 3:30am and up I was on Tues. with more work.  In the evening I went out to eat w one of the loves of my life… I just love being able to be me around him …we laughed alot then I came home to more work things…

Wednesday I did my group at PRC then I had a photo shoot w Sean James (who is my hairdresser) and he does so many fabulous people it’s incredible and Shawna ANKEMBRANT shot and LEBOC did the make up… amazing day which ended up lasting from 1pm to 8:45 pm…then BRANDI GLANVILLE my BEST FRIEND wanted to meet so I said yes and we met at DANTANAS and had sooooo much fun. I hadn’t eaten so I was starving and had a yummy steak…we had a ball there. 2 singles ladies just laughing and talking and being us ,till the wee hrs. of the morning… I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND BRANDI… I’d take a bullet for that girl…. I left at 9am and came home at 2am …up at 7am on

Thursday…more interviews and so much to do and I thought that I was gonna pass out…but I ended up at my mama’s and drove back to be w DEXTER … I love where I am staying . Dex is a golden who I just adore… I have been working out in between the madness and the best thing is I swim every day no matter what…. like a fish I swim and I feel like a mermaid too.    I feel so good about it and I’ve lost some inches. 

Friday went by so fast…work work work then swimming, gym and fittings at HSM Fashion PR firm and got so many gorgeous dresses…then errands in between and another sponsie came to get me and we went to an AA meeting then I got invited out … so I went w my BUBBS PATTY…she has been such a saving grace to me…we had fun!

Today I had to work then went and spent time w my mamas and MICKERZ , got my nails did ,swam earlier , played w Dexter and went shopping w mama Gimenez…she is so beautiful my mamas… I wonder if i could possibly be half the mom she is w me and my brother… woman who are mothers inspire me…I did so much more that I can’t write it all down…

reason why I have to go shopping is when I moved out of my X’s I just put my life literally in storage and I just didn’t nor did I care that everything was there…but the clothes I took don’t fit me anymore-which is nice but costly. Not so fun on a budget. I bought 3 pairs of jeans that are a size 6 … in the dressing room I started crying while smiling cuz I just can’t eff’ing believe it… I had a proud moment. Hard work does pay off. I’m back on this eating clean diet w no oils or butter , everything is weighed. I want the last 5 lbs. off, ok ok 8 off then super model weight is back.  I will blog tomorrow about something that I’ve been dealing with and a loss I recently had…nxt wk is super crazy for me starting tomorrow till following Monday …

Ok I’m a bit nervous for tomorrow and what people’s responses will be… it’s all done and I have no control over it but I’m still nervous….I took care of my personal life today… I got a tune up on my car then hit the gym with quite a few errands inbtw…tonight my little cousin Nicole had a going away dinner w my family… She’s moving to Australia for a while… I’m gonna miss the little one… my cousin Travis , Teresa my Aunt, my mama, my uncle Rueben,his wife Aynet, little 9 month Selah and their cousin Ruthy w a few other people… it was nice just being with my family…I weighed myself this am and I had lost a few more lbs but I ate soooo much bread,pasta and garlic…. oh but I’m a ball of carbs right now… but I decided to keep going and got boston baked beans and hersheys chocolate and ate cuz of my nerves… purely emotions…. not feeling so festive right now…..I’m keeping this short cuz I have a full wk ahead and want to sleep…. CELEBRITY REHAB AIRS TOMORROW ON VH1…. let me know what u guys think of the show……

16 is my favorite number….my little brother was born on that day and so was i and i have many other reasons for it as well… happy 16th day of june guys….

oh man this oopzies that i have going on is getting ridiculous…split coffee 2 xs today…once all over me…yup good times… its just always right before my GOD blessed women w this gift time…. and im a bundle of emotions last few days… im also going thru a lot of change… i just moved out of a place ,ended a relationship w my x boyfriend and work is getting hectic w CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5  about to start, i have a crazy publicity schedule happening (which im honestly so grateful for) other jobs im doing/shooting and a new manager that is doing such a great job for me…plus sobriety ,meeting,working w sponsies,my sponsor ,the program, family i tend for ,family quality time, friends ,me and my little mickey …oh and working out…im not complaining its just a new phase, a new chapter in my life… I DEFFENTLY DONT HAVE THE WAAAA BURGERS AND FRENCH CRY I NEED A WAMBULANCE  SYMDROME  going on its just new and real for me right now…plus i dont know how to be sober 5 yrs 5 months and 1 day like i am this too is new…

needless to say im in a transitional phase … im getting to know myself on a whole new scale … im relying on this thing called GOD and as my sponsor says im dating GOD right now… so w all this and other thing s going on im uncomfortable in my skin at times during the day but for the most part im HAPPYand peaceful and having FUN… my friends and family have been soooo amazing and allowing me to realize im human and that i can go thru and get thru anything (ive been thru so much worse)… some amazing people have come into my life and also the ones ive had that stand solid in my life  are letting me know im alright during this time…im thankful that i have a group of people that i can lean on and tell the truth with…plus i just suffer from alcoholism period…. my head likes to play games w me … i do have tools that the program and steps have help me deal and handle the ism w…

i just got asked to shoot a show w my girl BRANDI on Sat that she is doing… ive done it once before and its wild….i have to wear white for this “WHITE PARTY” so im going to a fashion PR company REDLIGHT PR tomorrow to pull clothes  from… theyve been pretty good w me lately on that !!!

i just spent the evening w my little brother DWIGHT… we had dinner ,went into the jacuzzi for tiny bit and then just chatted about life…he is such a blessing…hes such a kind soul…a good man…hes smart and somewhat shy…and an incredible business man…wow we are so different yet alike (somewhat) ,we get each other and we will die for each other…poor little guy i use to toucher the poor little one as akid…could u imagine having me as a big sister…

Amy and i have been spending a lot of time together … she is a rock for me … shes so hip,cool,awesome,creative,stylish,wise,smart and fun… almost 10 yrs ago she was my mentor for yrs and seriously saved my life …its so nice to reconnect w her… she is letting me see the creative person in me …something im finding again back in my life…she gets me…shes 5″1 ft with a super duper tiny frame really light skin,blue eyes w brown hair.. but because we get each other and have been so close she use to call me “POCKETSIZE” cuz im sooo the opposite of her, almost 5″10 dark skin,big boned latina…and when i was afraid or nervous she said i could go into her pocket…stories longer but….awwww i love my POCKETSIZE

.im going to change my workout up a bit ….so tomorrow im taking an abs class30 mins and a yoga class…i havent done a workout class in forever let alone 2….im shocking my body …oh and due to the oopzie time of the month i ate in&out and for diner i had spinach salad,cous cous, taboulie (whole foods) and a gluten free burrito….ummmm not so hot but i have been so vigilant that i dont care for just today… but back on good eating tomorrow again….

Im so PROUD TO CALL MYSELF AN AMERICAN!

My little brother DWIGHT  graduated USC and decided after 911  to go FIGHT for OUR country… He served Our country for 6yrs in the NAVY… He was on the USS CARL VINSON for 4 yrs…his position there was quite an extraordinary one…. he fought in the war and did so much in those 6 yrs that is beyond my own understanding… i find my baby brother and ALL THE MEN AND WOMAN WHO SERVE OUR COUNTRY TO BE THE TRUE HEROS of this NATION!!!! Im in AWE OF U ALLL… THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE COURAGE,HEART,SWEAT AND TEARS U HAVE PUT IN FOR ALL OF US TO HAVE FREEDOM….

ive been eating clean lately ,which has been such an effort and choice that ill tell u is not an easy one…for the last 3 wks i gave up oils,butters,fat,meat ,carbs,dairy and sugar….. i went on stevia and gave up sweetners…. oh sweet LORD the torture… this wk im back on oils ,olive oil that is, almond oil or coconut oil…. also ive been eating in small portions and clean …lots of lemon and white fish ,crab,shrimp andveggies at a x…ill tell u more later… but 13 lbs is off… oh and WATER lots of it about a gallon….

i just got called in for more OTFs for CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5 this THRUS eve…. I also have an event to go to THRUS NITE!..gonna be a busy evening…

its kinda mind blowing that were in MAY already…. How and why does time fly soooooo fast!

yesterday i was walking MICKEY and he did his poopie dutie outside and here i am with a bag … all proud doing my dutie as his poopie dutie cleaner upper and i scoop up his doodoo and sure enough there was a hole in the bag so i got his poopie dutie all over my fingers….aghhhhhhhh smudged mind u all over my fingers and hand….ahhh the perks of being a mommy…

so much has happened in my life in the last few months….so to retract it all would be crazy… lets just say CHANGE in big ways have occured …

this week was a super busy week for me…On WED I did Group at PRC then OTFs for CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5(which means reshoots)then work meetings afterwards…they were great meetings… I did “ISSUES W JANE VALEZ MITHCELL” ON THURS… that show is on HEADLINELINE NEWS  . I have been so blessed w doing JVM…I am completely in awe of her and her strength…I LOVE the HEADLINE NEWS and CNN family…then straight after CNN STUDIOS I went to THE PRISM AWARDS ,PRESENTED,DID GREEN SCREEN INTERVIEWS,DID PRESS LINE AND PRESS INTERVIEWS FOR THE SHOW AND SOBER HOUSE 2 WAS NOMINATED… I had a blast…On FRI i presented DR.GABOR MATE at THE SKIRBALL CULTRAL CENTER for WITERS IN TREATMENT which I found him to be so insightful. these are the things i did but theres sooooo much more that goes on in my 24hrs…

right now I am in the best shape i have been in a very long time…Ill eventually talk about that soon…

Today i got up at 1pm which was nice but i also went to bed at 5am…8hrs has been something ive lacked lately…

THIS NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE ….I have such a great support team between my family and friends and recovery family…its time to BELIEVE in me and hold tightly to GOD…

went to the movies w my brother tonight ,  church , to the gym and washed my car today .. now catching up on my JOURNAL and some texts…have to get up super early have a luncheon benefit early so i have to get my hair and makeup done. taking my godma PATTY B tomorrow w me then I am spealking at an AA meeting… xoxoxoxo

so today is my mamas birthday… all she wanted to do today was to have my little brother, tom and myself together… oh and to see her grandson mickey… so we went to Laguna beach… to this really beautiful beach there… we use to go  when we(bro and i ) were little and my dad lived there for years … it was so beautiful and the waves were ginormous… i must say the water was so cold…but it was very relaxing… we all had a great time… then we went to Laguna to have dinner…

i have to say im pretty amazed at how many people come up to me and share their stories with me or how much SOBERHOUSE has touched them or that theyre  big fans of the show… i get a lot of love from u people and i want to thank you for it…your support means a lot to me… 99 44/100 % of the time people respect that im around my family and friends so thank you for that as well… tom is use to it so he kinda doesnt count but im very protective with my family especially my mom…

mickey was terrible today we took him to his nanas house but we made a pit stop to grocery store , so with his new outfit his Auntie Aungster sent him, blue shirt w a skull on it , he went …he attempted to go into the store  but made a B line into grass to poop not once but 3 times…yup…oh jeez and i was stressed looking for anything on the floor to pick up the poo poo…thank the sweet Lord for people dropping there receipts on floor cause i ended up grabbing them…

i want to thank Codi, my sweet angel, for starting a fan page on facebook for “Dancing With The Stars” i didnt get it this season and the amazing thing is she and many others said they wont stop campaigning… i love you for not giving up…

Jennifer Gimenez on Good Day LA talks “Sober House”

PHIL VARONE  posted photos of us from the “TODAY SHOW” on facebook today…he is actually a very funny guy…

i feel like there is so much to say but yet again im exhausted… i feel like im goin to collapse from exhaustion soon… God please help me, im tired so im goin to make this short…i did 2hrs at the gym… but due to being in my car working on the phone i wasnt able to workout wit DARLENE…she is goin to break me tomorrow..i have this feeling but i did work out lifted weights ,ran and did the cross trainer… ive burned over 3000 cals taken 16500 steps and have done over 4 hrs of activity…i even cooked which was a big deal for me… ya i steamed brown rice and opened 2 cans of tuna and cracked open hard boiled eggs… haaa…i mad tuna casarole… i love that , i use to eat that as a kid…mickey was a little extra needed ,which honestly i love…. i just love my mickey even while i pick up his poopoo and as he goes i cheer him on…he is an amazing love in my life…wow if i could be half the woman mickey thinks i am on a daily basis id rule my universe…i have to get up in a few hours im to do a phone interview in the wee hours of the morning then one at 10 am then gym then off to la for meetings and interviews im shooting another magazine but ill keep u posted later…Dr.Drew and i  are presenting at the PRISM awards in a few weeks and the first SOBERHOUSE is nominated which is awesome…im also hosting a few events…. now i must say nite nite i have to go clean my toilets… i have a thing about cleans sinks,toilets and floors , actually im a freak over it… i love tilex and bleach too… TOM hates it…oh salt i miss u where r u ….mrs.dash(blah) i know were ur at i dont like u yet….