So I have been on the eating clean diet…I eat a green apple a day…and…THIS IS ALWAY’S MEASURED PRE COOKED!!!!!!!!! 3 1/2 ounces of protein (alway’s measure) of white fish, scallops, shrimp or chicken 2x’s aday, 6 to 10 ounces of 1 type of greens with only lemon on it and condiments 2x’s a day, then  I can have 4 to 6 ounces of either blueberry/blackberries…. WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OILS WHAT SO EVER….it’s not easy cuz you have to take a cooler with you if you are running around. No sodas-only water, green tea and coffee with STEVIA!!!!!!

I have been doing situps and cardio for 25 to 40 minutes (my heart rate at 130 to 139…) for me that feels slow… but I’m burning fat …. no joke it is working. I’m almost done with this torture…I only got to workout 30 minutes cuz of my busy schedule…I’m a bit smaller than my STAR MAGAZINE SHOOT…size wise …

I worked this am then went to a 12 step meeting…then I got invited to go out to lunch with JIM HECHT, GORDI HOFFMAN AND JAMES BLACK….. writers, actors and great friends of mine. Honestly Jimmy is MY BOY (btw he is a brillant writer/producer he wrote ICE AGE and ROBOTS etc. etc. ). I will alway’s love him dearly. I live with him-he has been my saving grace….he truly is a FRIEND that just loves me as a friend…he is screwed cuz he is stuck with me as family forever. I love to gross him out… we play well off each other. Well he decided to tag along with me. I went to a  fancy gym while he went to one of his writing spots around the way.  Later I ended up at chiro appt (thk u my sweet sweet GLENN). I suffer from a bad back. Long story…I will fill you in another time. I suffer from migraines and this Dr. could not crack 1 bone or adjust me-he said that I was one of his hardest  patients (he has been practicing for 50 yrs…ya ughhh)  going back on Friday. Then I went to see 1 of my lifelines-DR.SOPHY (my therapist) ohhhhhhh how I love him xoxoxo he saw me late tonight . It feels good that he’s taking care of me … even though it gets to me, I know it’s the best thing I could be doing. I got lucky today with being able to be around great men. I had alot of work calls and meetings throughout the day…

I got asked to do a photo shoot SUNDAY for a MAGAZINE with SHAWNA ANKENBRANT ( my hot photographer who shot me for STAR MAGAZINE and RADAR ONLINE ) and I think that I may be doing tasteful NUDES !!!!! I’ll find out tomorrow …..but I’m shooting for sure SUNDAY.  A certain kind of story….xoxoxo

Star Magazine

9/18/11

                                                         KLEAN RADIO INTERVIEW

I woke up this morning and went to do my group at PRC… then went to a Dr’s appt for 2 hrs… went to gym… I decided as tired as I was to do what I could… I did stairmaster for 25 minutes then back exercise, side stomach, more lower back and then did about 70 sit ups… I only worked out for like an hr…

then I had 2 interviews which they call “phoners” for CELEBRITY REHAB and I had to run around doing errands like bank, Riteaide,Target(my favorite), car wash , got my hair did roots and ends as well…Mason, Brandi’s little boy said to me the other day that I had white dots(grays,ughhh,yup) and red/orange ends … so u bet ur ass I got it fixed… I didn’t want to explain to Mason that I have grays….

I came home showered and got ready to go  do the ADAM CAROLLA show… I have to admit that I was very nervous to do his show and meet him… I am a HUGE fan of his… he is awesome , sweet, good looking , funny and super talented …really great man and a really great time…I have a long ass day tomorrow which starts early….

I am very grateful today looking forward to my beach date that I have coming up-sometime before summer ends, haaa… me and the sunset…. I wonder if I’ll ever feel the desire to date again….I do know that I don’t want what I used to have… so as AMY and DR.SOPHY say…I get to create the guy that I want….I am too fragile still and have way to much on my plate to even toy with the idea…

What a powerful day for me… a spiritual based day for me … I woke up rather early cuz I had made plans to go to a WOMENS MEETING, which I heard about this particular one for a very long time… I have to say it was a just as what I heard ….POWERFUL… it was in the PALISADES…my girlfriend and I took a beautiful drive out there…. I just felt wonderful afterwards…

I then came back to my POCKETSIZE’S casa creative where I did phoners (interviews) for a while for EPISODE 2 of CELEBRITY REHAB , which airs this SUNDAY on VH1… I love doing them… I have a wonderful team … My MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO has a great passion for what she does and a great vision…. I’m honored to say that she believes in me and sees how to market me….ohhhhh I’m sooooo excited for my future…. my other part of my team is my PUBLICIST VALERIE ALLEN and she is a force… she seriously is a bad ass… she also has her team too… Valerie has been away on vacation and I’ve been working w EMILY INGERSOLL who is w Valerie’s camp…. I absolutely LOVE Emily…. she is doing such a great job…. she gets me and is pushing hard for me…. sometimes on an hr. to hr. basis my schedule is changing… I know that I am busy til the middle of Aug…. I have a meeting w her tomorrow…. I feel her passion… we speak the same language…  I also have other team players on my team, but right now  I’m working hand and hand with these women… OHHHH THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE HOW I LOVE THEE (ALL)

I spent some great quality time w AMY on her drive way just sitting in the middle of her drive way while half the world walked by… we were so united in OUR world that it didn’t matter… I’m sure it did look odd ,but I did not care it was OUR moment and time…. I ended up at the gym and did errands … on the way to my mamas I had a long talk w my sponsor Theresa and was just sobbing while speaking w her… I was crying because she is magical… I was crying because I felt free, she said to me “WELCOME INTO THE WORLD OF BEING LIBERATED THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BABY” I knew at that moment that I was relieved of that bondage that has been holding me back and no longer can “it” control me… I will eventually feel comfortable to talk about it…we talked for a long time…. I called AMY sobbing to thank her for her love and accepting all of me….

Today I was in conversation w very influential people that are in my life that I respect and adore… they are my family  in recovery… my sweet GEORGE who I absolutely adore who has alot of time… he is such a rock to me and boy have we danced a dance … I lean on him and just listen to him like a little girl looking at her father… I admire and love that man from Brooklyn… he rates high on my meter… for many reasons ….thank u GEOOOOOORGE! I doubt he reads this but u guys need to know how much I love that man….

I ended up at my homegroup meeting where my sponsie Carly became a secretary at… I came early to help her on her first night. I sat there in awe of this little angel … I can’t believe how far she’s come… thats the beauty of working w others is when u see the lights come on in their eyes… I’ve seen many lights on many men and woman come on and that’s the gift for me…ohhhh I was so proud and am so proud of her…2 meetings in 1 day for me… wooooow! Afterwards Scott, Jeff , Carly and I just sat outside LEH and talked recovery and about our lives for a long long time … I have to say I truly love them and I feel safe around them and we’re just people trying to recover and function in this thing called life. I just felt part of something that was more profound than outside stuff… my spirit was filled all day…the answers came because my house was in order… it was friggin awesome today in my life and in my skin….

learn daily the lesson of trust in the midst of the storms of life. Gods command is the same.be grateful, humble ,calm and loving to all people . Leave each soul the better for having met u or heard u. For all kinds of people, this should be ur attitude, a loving desire to help and an infectious spirit of calmness and trust in God. ”U have the answer to loneliness and fear which is calm faith in the goodness and purpose of the universe”… I just love this mediation ….thank u Stretch

Yesterday was a fantastic day…woke up happy, wrote in my personal journal and I paid bills over phone… went to the gym and rushed home to start more interviews…. I did internet interviews ,lots of phoners and radio interviews and my favorite MATTY Ps interview and pod cast… I did his show right when I split from my x a few months back and I was in such an uncomfortable place …. they even noticed that I sound different now…. it made me happy… he is such a great guy and his pod cast and live show does super well..he even told me they broke their live show record of  listeners by 3x’s the amount….they have call ins and I was soooooo surprised to get a call from Mandi H and I was touched by that …. then one of my bratzzz called in and floored me Miss.Deb D…. she was so honest and sincere w/ what she said and I was so moved and I also know Matty was as well… she made me cry… it’s moments like that , that I know what im doing is all so worth it… I know many others who were listening  were touched by what she had said… I then rushed to get ready cuz I was invited to go to the HTC 3D EVO LAUNCH PARTY. I did alot of press,on camera interviews and the press photographers  RED CARPET was on FIRE for me…what a fun fabulous party that was… I saw a lot of people I really liked and had great conversations. LMFAO performed, they were AWESOME….MY GIRL SARAH PANTARA did a great party , they were so good to me-even provided me w/ car service. One of my BESTIES MANDY SHERMAN was my date… I really love her…I was so beat when I got home, because doing those events are a lot of work  I really mean alot of work, that i just had to go to bed. I slept 8 hrs. and woke up, talked w/ my POCKETSIZE AMY for an hr. and off I went on my day, did an AA meeting which was powerful then came to my mama’s house to take her out to eat, & shopping.  Spent some time w/ her and my baby MICKEY…my mama has missed me so I’m w/ her for the nxt few days. Gosh I’m such a mama’s girl w/ her … then I went to the gym for 50 minutes came home and walked my little MICKERS… he was so happy to be w me… I love when he pee’s with his little leg way up and looks like a little ballerina… throughout the whole day I’m on my emails and calls for work . I’ts really a crazy time because of CELEBRITY REHAB AIRING THIS SUNDAY ON VH1… I’m a little nervous because I know what comes w/ doing this kind of show…but in the long run it’s all so worth it because it helps alot of people and it’s bringing awareness to the disease of ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ADDICTION to the surface…I’M PROUD TO BE IN RECOVERY!!!! Since I’ve been home at my mama’s tonight I’ve been working and finally I get to go to bed soon….

my godmama of recovery Patty has been a huge help of support and LOVE to me as well as many others… like my chica, raggie, theresa, anna my bratz nappyz , debz,aungz (my luffz beyond words) , daddy dave, marg, sandro, al, rhonda , chris,jeff and so many others all from twitter and fb… thank u guys.. you’ve been such a great support… I appreciate u all.

Now it’s me and MICKERS time and I think we’re going to go and harass my mama as she sleeps till I get yelled at and run to my room like a little girl….

16 is my favorite number….my little brother was born on that day and so was i and i have many other reasons for it as well… happy 16th day of june guys….

oh man this oopzies that i have going on is getting ridiculous…split coffee 2 xs today…once all over me…yup good times… its just always right before my GOD blessed women w this gift time…. and im a bundle of emotions last few days… im also going thru a lot of change… i just moved out of a place ,ended a relationship w my x boyfriend and work is getting hectic w CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5  about to start, i have a crazy publicity schedule happening (which im honestly so grateful for) other jobs im doing/shooting and a new manager that is doing such a great job for me…plus sobriety ,meeting,working w sponsies,my sponsor ,the program, family i tend for ,family quality time, friends ,me and my little mickey …oh and working out…im not complaining its just a new phase, a new chapter in my life… I DEFFENTLY DONT HAVE THE WAAAA BURGERS AND FRENCH CRY I NEED A WAMBULANCE  SYMDROME  going on its just new and real for me right now…plus i dont know how to be sober 5 yrs 5 months and 1 day like i am this too is new…

needless to say im in a transitional phase … im getting to know myself on a whole new scale … im relying on this thing called GOD and as my sponsor says im dating GOD right now… so w all this and other thing s going on im uncomfortable in my skin at times during the day but for the most part im HAPPYand peaceful and having FUN… my friends and family have been soooo amazing and allowing me to realize im human and that i can go thru and get thru anything (ive been thru so much worse)… some amazing people have come into my life and also the ones ive had that stand solid in my life  are letting me know im alright during this time…im thankful that i have a group of people that i can lean on and tell the truth with…plus i just suffer from alcoholism period…. my head likes to play games w me … i do have tools that the program and steps have help me deal and handle the ism w…

i just got asked to shoot a show w my girl BRANDI on Sat that she is doing… ive done it once before and its wild….i have to wear white for this “WHITE PARTY” so im going to a fashion PR company REDLIGHT PR tomorrow to pull clothes  from… theyve been pretty good w me lately on that !!!

i just spent the evening w my little brother DWIGHT… we had dinner ,went into the jacuzzi for tiny bit and then just chatted about life…he is such a blessing…hes such a kind soul…a good man…hes smart and somewhat shy…and an incredible business man…wow we are so different yet alike (somewhat) ,we get each other and we will die for each other…poor little guy i use to toucher the poor little one as akid…could u imagine having me as a big sister…

Amy and i have been spending a lot of time together … she is a rock for me … shes so hip,cool,awesome,creative,stylish,wise,smart and fun… almost 10 yrs ago she was my mentor for yrs and seriously saved my life …its so nice to reconnect w her… she is letting me see the creative person in me …something im finding again back in my life…she gets me…shes 5″1 ft with a super duper tiny frame really light skin,blue eyes w brown hair.. but because we get each other and have been so close she use to call me “POCKETSIZE” cuz im sooo the opposite of her, almost 5″10 dark skin,big boned latina…and when i was afraid or nervous she said i could go into her pocket…stories longer but….awwww i love my POCKETSIZE

.im going to change my workout up a bit ….so tomorrow im taking an abs class30 mins and a yoga class…i havent done a workout class in forever let alone 2….im shocking my body …oh and due to the oopzie time of the month i ate in&out and for diner i had spinach salad,cous cous, taboulie (whole foods) and a gluten free burrito….ummmm not so hot but i have been so vigilant that i dont care for just today… but back on good eating tomorrow again….

im w my girlfriend Miss.Amy Hall right now… we just finished going to Anita Pointers house for a fitting(one of the Pointer sisters) i was asked to do a fashion show and introduce the opening of the benefit…i have to say i love fashion shows… as a model i did it all magazines,campaigns,videos and runway etc… BUT… Runway fashion shows was always my favorite,always…. so its gonna be fun…. wow and my costumes are beyond fabulous and theatrical…

i had an uber full day and its only going to get insane and uber duber busy for me…hell who am i kidding its already there… im living my dream and have to realize to smile and enjoy the ride…

i ran into an x boyfriend CHRIS KATTAN today and i was soooo truly happy to see him… we literally bumped into each other …we talked for a while and i was able to really appreciate our time together while talking… im grateful he was in my life back in the day… we dated for 2 1/2 yrs, many,many moons ago… making an amends is a beautiful thing…. i wish him only happiness and greatness….

i worked this morning ,went to an AA meeting , gym and other things then finally my fitting for the fashion show benefit…

ive been spending time with many wonderful friends … ive had some pretty God shot moments… im not alone today… im realizing that I AM LOVED AND I HAVE PEOPLE WHO TRULY CARE FOR ME ….

oh i have been doing the stairmasters at the gym and its sooo friggin painful i want to die but im increasing my speed and my body is loving the results… why does it have to hurt so much to work damn ittttttt?

im getting the oooopzis rightr now which well for us woman means….so all im thinking about tonight is Mc.Donalds and pizza… yummmmmmmy…. no.. i wont tonight im heading to sleep and praying this too shall pass….

really??? how did months yet again go by?well i guess life just takes over and i always go “ok ill do it later” and later just never happens ,when it comes to computer stuff…well i  am so excited for this time of year… im such a fall/winer girl…ya i know wierd cuz i live in L.A but i would love to travel around the world  chasing for winter all yr round…

i have to say my body is changing even more now….im quite excited … but the hard work i put into it is now really paying off.. without DARLENE i dont know if it wouldve happen… im lucky and grateful…

she has me doin things i never ever thought i would be doing…

this year thus far has been a year of reconnecting w freinds i havent seen  in decades and healing….

im goin to start yet again postin but i figured i might as well say hello to my favorite people : YOU!!!!!