Dec
01.
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I was talking with a dear friend of mine a few weeks back and I had the “whoa is me” french cries saying how poor me doesn’t sleep & blah blah waaa waaa going on and he said “JENN ur living the dream baby girl, u get to do what ur passionate about ” which is “helping others and acting  and being in front of the camera, ur a do’er and an achiever, u don’t just dream it-U LIVE IT”-and right at that moment he put it all in perspective for me….so to u Darin I am grateful to have been called out like that….sometimes I just need to be reminded…

I have to say that I am sooooo happy in my life. I feel like crying from the joy… thru all the good and all the hard times I have peace overall…

This “dating JENNY and GOD phase” has been healing for me.  I do have hope that someone will be able to be my PARTNER and be whole heartedly invested in me and I in them…setting an UNORTHODOX way of life for us both , where we are safe, IN LOVE, happy, fully committed and 100% for each other. Until then JENNY and her big man upstairs isn’t so bad. He brings me blessings.


This past Sunday I was on CELEBRITY REHAB REVISITED on VH1. It showed some of the cast from CELEB REHAB Season 2 and SOBERHOUSE…like my sweet ANDY DICK…and Amber,Nikki, and Rodney. I had no idea that it was going to be on-but boy was it a bitterly sweet show to see. That show, time and experience changed me and my life on every level…and has helped keep me sober till this day…and more imporantly, it helped so many people all over the world. These precious people I’ve lived with for a month….they were so brave. I keep in contact with all of them.


On Monday they announced me in the movie I am doing “CHASTITY BITES”… I was thrilled … the movie is  so hysterical. I’m blown away by the writing …Lotti rocked it….she’s the writer…a BRILLIANT writer….you’ll be surprised by my character. It’s something I’ve never played before!!!!!!!!!!


On Monday night I was also on the teaser of  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS  season 2 for next weeks episode. I’m happy to say that I’ve shot a few episodes of that show with my BEST FRIEND BRANDI GLANVILLE -she is on this season…we’ll see what airs. I will be on the show more than just next week …I gather…

I also have been working at Klean Center and other places…I love doing groups. It’s amazing being able to study human behavior, mental disorders and drug addiction…I’m learning so much.  I love it….

I have a lot of ANGELS out there like Chula , Anna ,and so many more that I can’t even begin to THANK for UR LOVE AND SUPPORT …it’s been …well a tough one and THANK U ALL for helping me keep on keeping on…really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart…

I’ve been working out and have been consistant with it and eating the best that I can. My body has changed even more lately….

so my JENNISM moment….I’m with a friend of mine this past Tuesday nite and something was said that was funny so what happens ….I start laughing out loud and snot comes out….ya not my finest moment…seriously my cool factor is so NON EXISTENT….at least I haven’t taken a tumble this week or ran into anything….thus far…..


Oh it’s the holiday season!!! I cant believe the end of the year is just a blink of an eye away…because all this has happened this year I KNOW 2012 is gonna ROCK…BRING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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Oct
06.
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I had such a long day…. but oh was it amazing…it rained today in L.A for the first time this fall.  I got to wear Fall/Winter wear!!!! I had on dark blue skinny jeans, beige t-shirt, black cashmere button up sweater(the style of it is insane) high black  flat boots with this amazing tweed jacket that goes above my knees…with the biggest oversize purse a girl could find….ahhh my time of year…


So I have been on the eating clean diet…I eat a green apple a day…and…THIS IS ALWAY’S MEASURED PRE COOKED!!!!!!!!! 3 1/2 ounces of protein (alway’s measure) of white fish, scallops, shrimp or chicken 2x’s aday, 6 to 10 ounces of 1 type of greens with only lemon on it and condiments 2x’s a day, then  I can have 4 to 6 ounces of either blueberry/blackberries…. WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OILS WHAT SO EVER….it’s not easy cuz you have to take a cooler with you if you are running around. No sodas-only water, green tea and coffee with STEVIA!!!!!!


I have been doing situps and cardio for 25 to 40 minutes (my heart rate at 130 to 139…) for me that feels slow… but I’m burning fat …. no joke it is working. I’m almost done with this torture…I only got to workout 30 minutes cuz of my busy schedule…I’m a bit smaller than my STAR MAGAZINE SHOOT…size wise …


I worked this am then went to a 12 step meeting…then I got invited to go out to lunch with JIM HECHT, GORDI HOFFMAN AND JAMES BLACK….. writers, actors and great friends of mine. Honestly Jimmy is MY BOY (btw he is a brillant writer/producer he wrote ICE AGE and ROBOTS etc. etc. ). I will alway’s love him dearly. I live with him-he has been my saving grace….he truly is a FRIEND that just loves me as a friend…he is screwed cuz he is stuck with me as family forever. I love to gross him out… we play well off each other. Well he decided to tag along with me. I went to a  fancy gym while he went to one of his writing spots around the way.  Later I ended up at chiro appt (thk u my sweet sweet GLENN). I suffer from a bad back. Long story…I will fill you in another time. I suffer from migraines and this Dr. could not crack 1 bone or adjust me-he said that I was one of his hardest  patients (he has been practicing for 50 yrs…ya ughhh)  going back on Friday. Then I went to see 1 of my lifelines-DR.SOPHY (my therapist) ohhhhhhh how I love him xoxoxo he saw me late tonight . It feels good that he’s taking care of me … even though it gets to me, I know it’s the best thing I could be doing. I got lucky today with being able to be around great men. I had alot of work calls and meetings throughout the day…


I got asked to do a photo shoot SUNDAY for a MAGAZINE with SHAWNA ANKENBRANT ( my hot photographer who shot me for STAR MAGAZINE and RADAR ONLINE ) and I think that I may be doing tasteful NUDES !!!!! I’ll find out tomorrow …..but I’m shooting for sure SUNDAY.  A certain kind of story….xoxoxo





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Oct
05.
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I have to remember that “This is the Best Time of the Year.” I love this time-Fall/Winter. Ohhh it’s simply beautiful. I went to my storage unit the other day with my mom….ughhhh, I became so overwhelmed. I opened the unit up-and I literally saw my whole life…boxed up. Since I moved out of my X’s 4 months ago,I haven’t had to go there. We work so hard for “things” blahhhhh…but living simple has become so delightful for me. The season is changing,so that calls for a wardrobe change as well. YaY! Boots, sweaters, scarves, jackets and layers! I’m about to leave for work right now. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I have been reading your comments,emails,tweets &wall posts. I will blog later today answering questions like…
weight loss/exercise/some eating tips
fashion
sobriety
and some other things…
For those of you leaving me messages on here-(as well as on TWITTER &FACEBOOK)-I will try to address some of your questions. Please forgive me if I don’t answer all of them. Leave me questions on here or via Twitter/FB…and I’ll respond later on. Keep warm today….& love who you are right at this moment…because you do matter…and you are worthy of love….

Yesterday RADAR ONLINE posted my bikini/weight loss story with 19 pics (all in bikinis)…from the STAR MAGAZINE SHOOT!!!! It’s been scary to have shown my body pretty much bare…and on many levels it’s as if I’ve left myself with very little to hide behind (I’ve exposed my insides and out now) and U guys have embraced me with your love/PROTECTION and spirit. I’ll explain later if u don’t get what I’m trying to say.

If it had inspired 1 person out there-or allows someone to relate on any level…then my story served and serves it’s purpose. WE CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING IN LIFE. I PROMISE U THAT….


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Oct
03.
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I found myself wanting to pick up the phone and call my dad this week… I have this moment thats like “oh I can’t wait to tell my dad…. he will be so happy… ” and BOOM it’s a 5 second delay and I just get shocked as if “WHY IS HE NOT HERE DAMN IT”!!!!!!!! I write this with tears pouring down my face …then I realize it’s just one of those things that I have to accept. I’ve had one of the best weeks of my life…so much growth,miracles and break throughs happened…

I’m on day 10 of “EATING CLEAN’ diet… really it’s not a diet, it’s a way to detox ur body of all the crap one can consume…. …honestly it’s just really clean eating. For 2 days before I start,I eat as much and whatever I want. If u look in my past blogs from 2010 you’ll see my blogging of my weight loss even prior to that….it seriously did not happen over night and I tend to eat what I like;I’ve learned so much about my body and it being like a machine. I ask alot of questions and take vitamins like fish oils, womens multi vitamins and many others. Everyone is different so I take what I find works for me. I also work out differently (weekly or daily)….shocking my body is key…but eating correctly is the secret. The “eating clean” is everything organic, no oils , no butters, lemons…and Stevia is one of my best friends. I swam today and have been doing cardio this past wk…. and in my cardio I make sure my heart rate is between 130 to 140… it allows me to burn fat,not muscle…and since I’m eating very little calories-throughout the day I get a bit tired. I do alot of situps and light weights. I will be on this for 3 more days…it allows me to get my metabolism up. I’ve lost a good amount of weight,which is incredible…

I worked with my sponsor this week for over 6 hrs , worked w sponsies, attended meetings. I also hung out on Thurs. morning w JAMIE LEE CURTIS and SHAWNA ANKENBRANT ( she is the photographer I shot STAR MAG with, she is sooo talented , I feel safe w/ her). On Fri. nite I went to ASHLEY HAMILTON’s birthday party his mom ALANA and my bff JIM HECHT threw for him. It was soooooo much fun… I laughed so hard. Last Monday my bff BRANDI GLANVILLE came out on HWOBH… a friend of ours had a gathering for her… I was and am very proud of her…

I think that I’m getting sick…. ughhh…

I have a few jobs lined up (coming soon)…oh & my STAR MAGAZINE article came out this week!!!! I can’t believe that I’m in a bikini for the whole world to see… wow I would have never believed that I would be back in a bikini shape body. I hope you all can see it ….more photos are coming out soon from that shoot…

I was on the PRISM Awards on FX last Sunday nite…. thank u to all who watched it…

Lately since the STAR MAG came out alot of people are asking me if I’m dating alot,or if my phone is blowing up with guys asking me out…and truth be told is “NO!” Not a date at all. I do think I’m close to ready or am ready,I think. My sponsor has me “dating myself”….saying things that I would want a guy to say to me. It’s odd but I’m doing it. I’m just so fragile and vulnerable right now-and I just don’t want to deal with getting hurt. I believe that I’ve healed from my past relationship. I must say,I have alot of male friends in my life who are amazing …. they are very special to me and I am blessed to have them…

Facebook and Twitter have been something that I’ve grown to love … only because of all the love and support I receive on there…I just love everyone on FB and Twitter… and I especially love U!!!!!

 

 


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Sep
07.
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It has been a FULL last few weeks… I really have grown up alot lately… I have been on the go for the past 6 months and I am proud to say I’ve learned alot. This whole new “single me” has been more joyful than scary-only because of the LOVE and SUPPORT from so many wonderful friends and family… I honestly never knew that I had this… also that “ask and u shall receive” really is true… I ask for HELP and I ask alot of questions to uncover, discover and discard things… what a trip this thing called life is…

CELEBRITY REHAB Season 5 has wrapped and now they are doing follow ups on the patients from the show … with only 1 more show this upcoming Sunday… then it’s a wrap…CELEBRITY REHAB & SOBERHOUSE has been such a blessing for me… I’m honored to have been a part of the shows and I’m more honored to know what had been wrong w me has turned out to be the biggest blessing-to help myself and countless others. No longer do we stand alone w the DISEASE of any addiction and anyone can overcome it if the are willing to do the work. It’s not alway’s easy but it’s so worth it….I stand by the motto “NO MATTER WHAT”….yes I still do the work on a daily basis … I turn it over daily… my story has just begun… there are many things in the works and many things that I have shot even T.V wise so I will keep u posted…and sooooo much more… I can’t wait to tell you about it…

I’m  doing “FASHION NIGHT OUT” this THURSDAY in  LOS ANGELES to help kick off FASHION WEEK in NEW YORK… they are doing it all over the country this week… and yours truly got asked to “OPEN” the fashion show (yes I’m MODELING in it) and then I am 1 of the CELEBRITIES speaking on different topics.. 1 of mine is  “Being Comfortable in Ur Own Skin”… Tori Spelling , Gregory Zarian and many others are doing it w me…. kinda super excited …  1 of my favorite things in the whole world has been doing RUNWAY… which I did all over the world … there is nothing better than walking a runway and becoming that look for the season, designer and era… I love it soooooo much….

Last week I bought a new car… OMG it was so stressful going into dealerships and looking for what I wanted within my budget and then dealing with the salesmen, which I have to say, some of them treated me like I was some dumb girl, quickly did they change their tone and way after being w me. I learned sooooooooo much from last week… it was like I grew up in an instant. I learned alot of lessons, BIG and small… I had and have-as someone special has told me for past 5 yrs – put my “BIG GIRL PANTIES ON” but some reliable men both friends and family stepped in to help… THANK GOD!!!! Sometimes I felt they (salesmen) were speaking Chinese to me , which I don’t understand… I did find myself so stressed out and to tell u the truth I just wished someone would have saved me… but I realized I CAN DO THINGS ON MY OWN and there is no easier or softer way of doing it but to just do it….BIG GIRL PANTIES….

I worked all day today and will for the  rest of the week also… I had someone come assist me for the day… which helped me alot. I’m taking too much on and it’s exhausting me … I wear many many hats in my life….

I have CELEBRITY REHAB’s last episode to do interviews on in early am, then my PRC group to do , a fitting for the fashion show , an audition, gym then in late  evening-then I’m getting a brazilian blowout for 3 hrs. or more …. long ass day tomorrow…

I’ve been eating rather healthy throughout all of the craziness… working out at the gym and swimming at least 5x’s a week. I’m doing new things at the gym-I’m shocking my body…I’m still at my lowest weight I’ve been in 8 to 10 yrs and most strongest physical shape I’ve ever been in…



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Aug
26.
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It’s been such an amazing summer… I have never been so busy in my life… I can’t tell u the last time I was this happy… my life is very full. I have overcome alot… especially this year… and it’s been such a blessing having you guys, my family and friends in my life… finding Jenny has been a journey… yes it’s been up and yes it’s been down but having the ok’s and the grey’s of the black and whites is the key for me….

Today was my first day of not having to be somewhere by a certain time… I had alot of catching up to do… but I just paced myself… my calls backs for work stuff is quite a task but my personal call backs is by far the longest list I had….I just wanted to spend some time doing what I WANTED to do (today at some point) and it felt great… I got on computer early in the am and just said to myself “I just want to swim like a fish” and play w Dexter…so I did. I ended up doing 75 laps (1 lap=back and fourth once to me).  Then I made calls and off I went. I needed a meeting so I went, then work… coffee and to the gym were I worked out for 2hrs & 45 mins…I stopped and talked w a few familiar faces…one being a dear friend of mine GORDI HOFFMAN… he is so sweet & a brilliant writer and director , we did an abs class together.  Then I hit the steam room. I’ve been doing the steam room for the last week. Yesterday I worked in the am at PRC then went to visit my Mickey. I received an urgent call from someone,so I ended up doing a 12step call for like 5 hrs…till the evening… that drained me. My boy JIM  had a screening of our good friend ASHLEY HAMILTON’s movie that he produced at his house were I stay-so I came home to a house of about 14 people. I stayed up till 3am.  There were some pretty amazing people there like Sydney, Cara, Rome and other industry people whom I mostly know.  It was such a fantastic night w such creative people from actors, writers, producers, musicians and just all people in the the industry…(oh &I was in my work out gear, not so hot but oh so comfortable).  I love JIM so much and ASHLEY is a sweetheart… JIM’s like an angel for me. A friend of his stayed the night and we tortured him- talking poop talk and girl stuff around him … he’s easy to gross out. TUESDAY I worked and I have to say I was so nervous when I got asked to do this job I was like “SURE, NO PROB” then as soon as I got off phone a wk ago I was like “what the F did I just say…”  It was for a BIKINI SHOOT for a MAGAZINE…OMG…. I was stressing over this. I woke up at 6am and made coffee- drank it and boom I threw up like the exorcist from the nerves. I have to say the shoot was magical…SEAN JAMES, CAMERON COHEN, SHAWNA ANKENBRANT AND LEAH ORNSTEIN MADE ME FEEL AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL…. there were a few other people there but that was my core crew. We shot at such a gorgeous house in Bel Air… Sean put extensions in my hair for 3 hrs … the look was Hollywood Starlet Returns and  Homage to Sophia Loren and Rachel Welch….aghhhhh we’ll see how it turns out. The swimming has gotten me so much smaller….people lately stop me and say “oh my you are tiny…”  Makes me want to cry and people who haven’t seen me in a very very long time and friends now both say I’m back to my modeling day’s body. Again I’m in awwwwe and just want to cry … I FIGHT DAILY IN ALL MY AFFAIRS AND THE PAY OFF IS REWARDING… it’s breaking the old ideas of myself and of life . I do believe ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN LIFE…

I’m so tired that I’m going to go to sleep now…

I LOVE U



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Aug
14.
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My week started out really great… last Sun I swam , wrote in my journal(my personal one) then I went to meet up w my girl ,who is one of my BEST FRIENDS, TARA CONNER ( Miss.USA) . I went to her house and off we went to get our toes and nails done… we talked and talked and talked … the funny thing is that I was hesitant to actually spend quality time w her…  reason being is for many years I was told so many negative things (subtly) that I started believing those things… I’m doing this new chapter alone and to be perfectly honest…it’s pretty wild to have her as a friend. We have sooooo much in common…. the way we grew up even though she was in pageants and I was modeling-we were alway’s identified as objects. We in fact have so much depth and weight to our existence. We have walked the same path in many ways… even though we are in a different age range ,(she being in her 20’s and I in my 30’s )we relate so much to each other… and I know she loves me for me. I am honored to call Tara my friend. She calls me out on my stufff and I do to her as well-but we do it w love. We only want the best for each other… I LOVE MY TARA CONNER. I came back and live TWEETED… I love talking to my fans and friends on TWITTER….speaking of  TWITTER I have such amazing people who follow me… and then I have a core group of mainly woman who have my back …it’s just mind blowing … I feel so loved and protected by these girls…. I mean seriously I adore each one of them…. I thank GOD for them …. and I want u ladies to know how much I LOVE U!!!! I also LOVE  the men who protect me. I don’t think they even understand that I’ve been going thru tough times and them loving me and protecting me is something I was afraid of never having. I’m starting to heal in such a miraculous way & I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel-but boy oh boy I didn’t think it was going to come for a long time….


Monday I worked and then went to see my mamas…did interviews for CELEBRITY REHAB etc. etc. then one of my sponsies came over and we worked on her steps till 2am … I fel asleep like around 3:30am and up I was on Tues. with more work.  In the evening I went out to eat w one of the loves of my life… I just love being able to be me around him …we laughed alot then I came home to more work things…


Wednesday I did my group at PRC then I had a photo shoot w Sean James (who is my hairdresser) and he does so many fabulous people it’s incredible and Shawna ANKEMBRANT shot and LEBOC did the make up… amazing day which ended up lasting from 1pm to 8:45 pm…then BRANDI GLANVILLE my BEST FRIEND wanted to meet so I said yes and we met at DANTANAS and had sooooo much fun. I hadn’t eaten so I was starving and had a yummy steak…we had a ball there. 2 singles ladies just laughing and talking and being us ,till the wee hrs. of the morning… I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND BRANDI… I’d take a bullet for that girl…. I left at 9am and came home at 2am …up at 7am on

Thursday…more interviews and so much to do and I thought that I was gonna pass out…but I ended up at my mama’s and drove back to be w DEXTER … I love where I am staying . Dex is a golden who I just adore… I have been working out in between the madness and the best thing is I swim every day no matter what…. like a fish I swim and I feel like a mermaid too.  😉  I feel so good about it and I’ve lost some inches. 


Friday went by so fast…work work work then swimming, gym and fittings at HSM Fashion PR firm and got so many gorgeous dresses…then errands in between and another sponsie came to get me and we went to an AA meeting then I got invited out … so I went w my BUBBS PATTY…she has been such a saving grace to me…we had fun!

Today I had to work then went and spent time w my mamas and MICKERZ , got my nails did ,swam earlier , played w Dexter and went shopping w mama Gimenez…she is so beautiful my mamas… I wonder if i could possibly be half the mom she is w me and my brother… woman who are mothers inspire me…I did so much more that I can’t write it all down…

reason why I have to go shopping is when I moved out of my X’s I just put my life literally in storage and I just didn’t nor did I care that everything was there…but the clothes I took don’t fit me anymore-which is nice but costly. Not so fun on a budget. I bought 3 pairs of jeans that are a size 6 … in the dressing room I started crying while smiling cuz I just can’t eff’ing believe it… I had a proud moment. Hard work does pay off. I’m back on this eating clean diet w no oils or butter , everything is weighed. I want the last 5 lbs. off, ok ok 8 off then super model weight is back.  I will blog tomorrow about something that I’ve been dealing with and a loss I recently had…nxt wk is super crazy for me starting tomorrow till following Monday …



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Aug
07.
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I’m really amazed how the phrase “This Too Shall Pass” actually makes sense… only in my case, sometimes it takes a hot minute for me to see and actually feel it… reason I say this is because I feel joy and happiness more than not lately …. I find myself smiling more inside than outwardly at the moments that are quiet… and since I feel my quiet times are in the car lately, it’s there where I feel the passing…ok well my car is where so much of my time is spent these days … a wk ago I was sobbing in the car in btw the jobs and this wk I’m not…

I got to spend 2 hrs of “Jenny alone time” on Thurs… of course I did work and proceeded on Fri to believe that I was cured of the exhaustion… haaa!!!!! So I got up super early before 7am and had TEEN CHOICE AWARDS event to attend in Westwood that Ryan Secrest &KISS FM hosted and my date was mama Gimenez…I received so many amazing things …I was blown away… there were alot of heavy hitters, I had seen alot of “big named celebrities” and one  woman in particular who blew me away was DOT MARIE JONES from GLEE… we talked for a long time …she said she was a fan of mine and Soberhouse / CelebRehab-so she came up to me and I was thinking to myself but ur an amazing actress that is super talented  on a rad show ???? We’ve stayed in touch last few days… LOVE LOVE LOVE her…I asked someone who is a big big big name what the secret to their success was and this man who is gi-normous in the industry said they “never say no to anything” … it made me feel some comfort cuz that’s what I was told to do and I have kept my commitment  to that…. hence the exhaustion….so I feel I’m in the right place doing the right thing. It’s really nice to have my mom experience this time w me because I can see she is proud of me… then mama Gimenez and I went shopping and to lunch, which was 5:30pm…I was so beat down like I had ran a marathon and I got home by 6:15 to get picked up by a friend at 6:45pm to go to an AA meeting back to Westwood… I ended up at a late dinner w 3 lovely ladies doing something I haven’t ever done w this group of women… I’m doing a lot of things I’ve never done before and even though I get scared it’s been soooooo amazing… I have a lot of amazing new people in my life who are loving me and I them. I fell alseep around 2:30am woke up this morning at 8am and got up, ready for another event , wrote and off I went to another TEEN CHOICE AWARDS event till about 2pm…w these events there are photos, cameras following u and a media frenzy w a lot of things going on all at once … so much fun I loved being there as well… I also committed to going to my little cousins SELAHs 1 yr birthday party… it was sooo nice seeing my uncle Rueben so happy w his baby girl and a lot of my family…around them I’m just “Jenny”… there was a moment where I could feel my grandma there looking over us , I got this overwhelming feeling ,where I kid u not ,I felt her-I sensed her …I actually got goose bumps , so I know it was her…I know !!!!!!…. my mom is the oldest so I see a lot of my grandma in her… I hope one day I can give her a grandson or granddaughter or even both …. considering I’m not dating not likely to happen just yet…. I do want to have kids one day ,actually get married first…we’ll see…. right now I’m finding JENNY…after that I went to mama Gimenez’s house ,worked out at gym but for only 40 minutes, spent some ma/daughter time and ran around w my MICKERZ … God he is so precious….so much love and so friggin adorable and seriously he acts like a baby…. he makes my heart melt….I’m glad he is w my mama for the time being…. came back to house I’m at and worked for a bit …. and here I am…. must say I’m tired and drained, kinda seeing 4 computers instead of 1…. note to self : when u think u can keep going at 100mph just because u somewhat rested ….don’t! I’m gonna need a few days or even a wk to repair this wear and tear I’ve done… this too shall pass…..



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Aug
05.
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I was sitting earlier thinking wow I’ve been on the go for a while like 4 months…. then I counted …..NOOOO SINCE MARCH 1ST.. over 5 months.. my goodness…. I have many angels in my life lately…somehow in those moments  when one starts to believe the b.s. the mind tells you that “you are not alone”- I realize that I AM NOT ALONE … and that I AM LOVED…..and that I DO MATTER…. and the same I wish for u, that u know that U  DO MATTER & U R LOVED … I’m honestly grateful my “luffz” aka AUNG has been helping me immensely-girl thank u ….

Today was supposed to be my 1st day off… on a good note some wonderful things happened… I slept 10 hrs,  I was on the phone doing interviews, working and paying bills from 11:15 am to 3:15pm…I then left the office where I am staying w my phone in there, went swimming and played w DEXTER for 1 hr and a 1/2 … (he loves playing ball… he is the dog I’m watching while my dear friend is out of town…DEX and I have become soooo connected… he has been a blessing and bundle of big doggie love for me… although I am not a traitor and LOVE MY MICKEY… but mama Gimenez is taking care of him or better yet he is ruling her… Mickers is such a sweet soul…) I then took care of more emails, fb  and twitter stuff returned personal calls and off Iwent to the gym… I worked out for an hr then went to the steam room… I felt it would relax me more and help my skin… I feel like a 13 yr old boy going thru puberty w my skin….my goodness… last nite my friend said it was from all the makeup I’ve been wearing and stress I’ve had for a while…I laughed cuz I then told him about my hair loss , lack of sleep , &eye twitch that I’ve had for over a  wk (now gone ,thankfully).


Last nite I went to  “THE PERFECT AGE OF ROCK& ROLL” MOVIE PREMIERE… it was a great time… I’m so happy to be back in the ACTING world…I love ACTING and all that it entails… so being there was a blast…after the MOVIE PREMIERE I went out to meet my friend for dinner and seriously he helped me soooo much…we talked for hrs… it feels so good to have people who know me for me and I don’t have to be anything for them ….and I can fall apart or be my goofy dorky self with… me and this person have danced a dance together… I will alway’s love him soooo deeply….he may be the greatest love, or at least one of them-I have ever had…he was there the day my dad died and he is loved by not only me but by family….I am glad that I was able to see him face to face( after a decade) and make an amends to him right after my recent break up…but we have stayed in contact thru the last few years…here and there but now a bit more and I have the blessing to have seen him a few times now since the amends…its a trip because we were so young back then and we didn’t know better… it’s a friendship not an intimate relationship … cuz LORD knows I’m not ready for one….I don’t want to attach myself to anyone or anything right now… I really want to get to know this woman JENNIFER GIMENEZ … and what she is all about..

I have a busy day tomorrow … I did invite mama GIMENEZ to come be w me as I venture into the TEEN  CHOICE EVENTS TOMORROW… gonna be fun w my mama….I have a busy weekend w/ CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5 EPISODE 7 AIRING  and a few things on Sat… haaa I said a few things, a shit load of activities… I’ll blog and keep u updated w my weekend…

Also alot of people are asking me about my workouts, the secret as to how I lost my weight … right now I’m eating tiny portions and drinking so much water… I’m changing up my routine by swimming at least 45 minutes a day ( a minimum of 20 laps back and fourth is considered 1 lap for me)and cardio 25 to 35 minutes ,weights focusing on shoulders , back , arms and  lots of sit ups …and today I did 40 laps !



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Jul
31.
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I’ve been bat s### crazy lately… I feel like a robot just going… I’ve been uplifted by ur love and encouragement…last week I did so much…I went to an event where USHER performed and it was fun…I did tv shows…podcasts…webisodes…interviews…business meetings/dinners/lunches,fittings, oh jeez and the list goes on…oh and then there’s somewhat of my personal life like gym, spending time w my mom,brother, little MICKEY,12 step meetings and seeing a couple of my friends…working w my sponsies, working thru my …well…. growing pains… it feels like the flood gates of all these new emotions are opening up…good and bad. I’m growing up…

I must say I’m losing alot of hair, got a terrible eye twitch(which I found out is from stress) , my face is breaking out like a 13 yr old boy hitting puberty, my voice goes in and out from exhaustion and I’m getting grays…I feel like I’m getting wrinkles and need toothpicks for my eyes… ya not so HOT….this too shall pass…it’s kinda hysterical to me at this point….

this week started crazy and ended cray …. I’m honestly goin’ 100mph…I did “ISSUES W JANE VALEZ MITCHELL”on Mon on HLN, more interviews this wk , I also did DR.DREW SHOW on HLN on Wed which was super AWESOME , did a few CANADIAN TV/TALK NEWS SHOWS, did live RADIO, ON CAMERA GREEN SCREEN SHOOTS, met w my MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO who ROCKS , vh1 Blogs, other blogs, did other TV SHOW, SPENT SOME TIME W friends like  BRANDI GLANVILLE AND TATUM ONEAL,SAW MY MAMA AND BROTHER AND LITTLE  MICKERZ , went to CHURCH, 12 step meetings, committments,GYM ,EVENTS, AND SOOOOOO SOOO SOOOO MUCH MORE… THIS WEEK WENT SO DAMN FAST I MEAN SUPER FAST I ALSO WENT TO DR’s WHO SAID I HAD LOST EVEN MORE WEIGHT …guess that’s good… I am eating and last 2 day’s somewhat slept… today I went to the gym then swam for 2 1/2 hrs which was so nice it was me and DEXTER a dog I’m watching he is soooo sweet… I love where I am this last wk…..tomorrow is a big day… I have CELEBRITY REHAB EPISODE 6 ON VH1 AT 9PM THEN AT 10PM I’M ON MY GOOD FRIEND TATUM ONEALS SHOW ON OWN NETWORK, which I haven’t seen so I’m a little nervous… but let me tell u this as I was in treatment 6 yrs. ago OPRAH gave me hope, at one point I was going to send her a letter asking her if I could go intern for her and share my experience of who I was and what I did…I never got the courage to go through with it- but she encouraged me as I’m sure she encourages the world…I had to save my life …I would pass out to meet her and here I am about to be on her NETWORK… miracles do exist…..OMG OMG OMG… I know that I sound like a geek , but I am, and I’m so grateful for my life today…

I know people are emailing me, tweeting and posting to me to “slow down” but u only have one life and this is my time right now to BE IN MY REALITY THAT I  ONLY HAD DREAMED OF BEFORE…SEIZE MY OPPORTUNITY, WHERE I GO THERE I AM….

I must say this week I cried a lot … sometimes in my car and I had alot of panic attacks cuz I am breaking old ways of thinking… for instance-that I’m not enough etc…the old ways of what was, no longer has to be in my life today…..the crying to me is healthy because I was told tears are signs of my soul and spirit healing….in the midst of my being a personality and image I am my true JENN self and I share that as I go thru it w my confidants and U as well… they tell me it’s ok to be me and that I must be going thru so much inwardly and they are here for me…at the same time I am holding it together while I go in a public arena…sometimes they (my friends and family) hugging me is ENOUGH…. I yearn for my loved ones to touch me it’s so soothing to me… and I’m saying  that in a loving & nurturing way….the human hand-touch is so powerful…well I’m off to bed cuz it’s a big day for me… I’m doing a few hrs. of me time in early am…. I’m taking myself out on a date… to the balcony to write, have some coffee then a swim and my nails did time, cuz I destroyed them from all the  stress, then off to work…. I LOVE U DEARLY…U are helping me HEAL  xoxooxoxo


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