Oct
06.
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I had such a long day…. but oh was it amazing…it rained today in L.A for the first time this fall.  I got to wear Fall/Winter wear!!!! I had on dark blue skinny jeans, beige t-shirt, black cashmere button up sweater(the style of it is insane) high black  flat boots with this amazing tweed jacket that goes above my knees…with the biggest oversize purse a girl could find….ahhh my time of year…


So I have been on the eating clean diet…I eat a green apple a day…and…THIS IS ALWAY’S MEASURED PRE COOKED!!!!!!!!! 3 1/2 ounces of protein (alway’s measure) of white fish, scallops, shrimp or chicken 2x’s aday, 6 to 10 ounces of 1 type of greens with only lemon on it and condiments 2x’s a day, then  I can have 4 to 6 ounces of either blueberry/blackberries…. WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OILS WHAT SO EVER….it’s not easy cuz you have to take a cooler with you if you are running around. No sodas-only water, green tea and coffee with STEVIA!!!!!!


I have been doing situps and cardio for 25 to 40 minutes (my heart rate at 130 to 139…) for me that feels slow… but I’m burning fat …. no joke it is working. I’m almost done with this torture…I only got to workout 30 minutes cuz of my busy schedule…I’m a bit smaller than my STAR MAGAZINE SHOOT…size wise …


I worked this am then went to a 12 step meeting…then I got invited to go out to lunch with JIM HECHT, GORDI HOFFMAN AND JAMES BLACK….. writers, actors and great friends of mine. Honestly Jimmy is MY BOY (btw he is a brillant writer/producer he wrote ICE AGE and ROBOTS etc. etc. ). I will alway’s love him dearly. I live with him-he has been my saving grace….he truly is a FRIEND that just loves me as a friend…he is screwed cuz he is stuck with me as family forever. I love to gross him out… we play well off each other. Well he decided to tag along with me. I went to a  fancy gym while he went to one of his writing spots around the way.  Later I ended up at chiro appt (thk u my sweet sweet GLENN). I suffer from a bad back. Long story…I will fill you in another time. I suffer from migraines and this Dr. could not crack 1 bone or adjust me-he said that I was one of his hardest  patients (he has been practicing for 50 yrs…ya ughhh)  going back on Friday. Then I went to see 1 of my lifelines-DR.SOPHY (my therapist) ohhhhhhh how I love him xoxoxo he saw me late tonight . It feels good that he’s taking care of me … even though it gets to me, I know it’s the best thing I could be doing. I got lucky today with being able to be around great men. I had alot of work calls and meetings throughout the day…


I got asked to do a photo shoot SUNDAY for a MAGAZINE with SHAWNA ANKENBRANT ( my hot photographer who shot me for STAR MAGAZINE and RADAR ONLINE ) and I think that I may be doing tasteful NUDES !!!!! I’ll find out tomorrow …..but I’m shooting for sure SUNDAY.  A certain kind of story….xoxoxo





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Oct
03.
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I found myself wanting to pick up the phone and call my dad this week… I have this moment thats like “oh I can’t wait to tell my dad…. he will be so happy… ” and BOOM it’s a 5 second delay and I just get shocked as if “WHY IS HE NOT HERE DAMN IT”!!!!!!!! I write this with tears pouring down my face …then I realize it’s just one of those things that I have to accept. I’ve had one of the best weeks of my life…so much growth,miracles and break throughs happened…

I’m on day 10 of “EATING CLEAN’ diet… really it’s not a diet, it’s a way to detox ur body of all the crap one can consume…. …honestly it’s just really clean eating. For 2 days before I start,I eat as much and whatever I want. If u look in my past blogs from 2010 you’ll see my blogging of my weight loss even prior to that….it seriously did not happen over night and I tend to eat what I like;I’ve learned so much about my body and it being like a machine. I ask alot of questions and take vitamins like fish oils, womens multi vitamins and many others. Everyone is different so I take what I find works for me. I also work out differently (weekly or daily)….shocking my body is key…but eating correctly is the secret. The “eating clean” is everything organic, no oils , no butters, lemons…and Stevia is one of my best friends. I swam today and have been doing cardio this past wk…. and in my cardio I make sure my heart rate is between 130 to 140… it allows me to burn fat,not muscle…and since I’m eating very little calories-throughout the day I get a bit tired. I do alot of situps and light weights. I will be on this for 3 more days…it allows me to get my metabolism up. I’ve lost a good amount of weight,which is incredible…

I worked with my sponsor this week for over 6 hrs , worked w sponsies, attended meetings. I also hung out on Thurs. morning w JAMIE LEE CURTIS and SHAWNA ANKENBRANT ( she is the photographer I shot STAR MAG with, she is sooo talented , I feel safe w/ her). On Fri. nite I went to ASHLEY HAMILTON’s birthday party his mom ALANA and my bff JIM HECHT threw for him. It was soooooo much fun… I laughed so hard. Last Monday my bff BRANDI GLANVILLE came out on HWOBH… a friend of ours had a gathering for her… I was and am very proud of her…

I think that I’m getting sick…. ughhh…

I have a few jobs lined up (coming soon)…oh & my STAR MAGAZINE article came out this week!!!! I can’t believe that I’m in a bikini for the whole world to see… wow I would have never believed that I would be back in a bikini shape body. I hope you all can see it ….more photos are coming out soon from that shoot…

I was on the PRISM Awards on FX last Sunday nite…. thank u to all who watched it…

Lately since the STAR MAG came out alot of people are asking me if I’m dating alot,or if my phone is blowing up with guys asking me out…and truth be told is “NO!” Not a date at all. I do think I’m close to ready or am ready,I think. My sponsor has me “dating myself”….saying things that I would want a guy to say to me. It’s odd but I’m doing it. I’m just so fragile and vulnerable right now-and I just don’t want to deal with getting hurt. I believe that I’ve healed from my past relationship. I must say,I have alot of male friends in my life who are amazing …. they are very special to me and I am blessed to have them…

Facebook and Twitter have been something that I’ve grown to love … only because of all the love and support I receive on there…I just love everyone on FB and Twitter… and I especially love U!!!!!

 

 


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Sep
25.
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9/18/11

                                                         KLEAN RADIO INTERVIEW


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Aug
25.
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                                                      Watch the episode! (See below)


HEALTHLINE episode(part 1) HEALTHLINE episode(part 2) HEALTHLINE episode(part 3)


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Aug
03.
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“The Decently Funny Show” Interview(animated)           “The Rico&Mambo Show” Interview


                                       






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Jul
18.
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Honestly I am so effing wiped out I feel like I’m seeing stars….I honestly lost it at an AA meeting…I walked in and just started balling like no ones business…the great thing about that was people embraced me and they got me without words… I’m very thankful for them…without words we speak the same language ….I feel like I’m living out of my car lately… I just carry so many bags w me for so many things and I’m tired… yes on paper it looks and is great but I’m overwhelmed….I’m living the DREAM and I’m grateful… my dream date is to go by myself to the beach and watch the sunset and just be… that will not happen till a while but at least it’s something to look forward to…

I shot UBEUlifestyle today and the crew was incredible… so much love and support … the experience was memorable and I was blown away by the production…CHRISTINA GIUSEPPE asked me questions that were deep that I have never been asked before… at one point I cried and broke down because I had to tap into some very sad times in my life…but I pulled thru and got there and answered the questions….I ended up having a blast …

Then ANDY DICK  wanted to meet up w me so I rushed over after a 9 hr day of work…I went to meet him and it was amazing….. I’m proud of him… he really is an ANGEL to me and was the one that ENCOURAGED ME TO LOSE WEIGHT AND GET BACK INTO ACTING…we are like BEST FRIENDS and he knows I love him deeply… he was my inspiration  to move forward… I’m eternally grateful to him…. he is a bright lite that entered my life…he also brought the FUN and LAUGHTER back into my life almost 3 yrs ago….

I came home and TWEETED LIVE and now I have to be up at 6am for work….

I am doing the ADAM CAROLLA show tomorrow night… really excited to meet him and a little nervous … I don’t know why but I am….after work in the am I’m coming home to work out and run errands…..

CELEBRITY REHAB tonight was so amazing… Doc was so inspiring to watch and the family that came in blew me away…

I have to go to bed but I LOVE U GUYS SO MUCH.




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Jul
04.
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Friday was a full day for me I had a great work meeting… I got sooo much encouragement and motivation from it … I did the gym errands etc…. then I ended up seeing SETH BINZER and I was in tears when I saw him because I’ve been really worried for him… we go back over 12 yrs…. I love him dearly and he is getting better as of right now….he and ANDY DICK are my sweet angels that I love. I adore them… both of them worry me. I ended up at a meeting and then PATTY my godma drove me to my car and we ended up talking for 3 hrs. in her car in the parking lot. It was sooo healing and amazing for me…. she is like GOLD to me…. with so much wisdom… when we were talking it was like a movie … the light lit her so perfectly and all her words and movements were perfect…
Yesterday feels like a blur. I was everywhere with my mama and I’m just getting so tired. I have to chill. Maybe tomorrow evening…
Today I walked my little Mickey like I do…almost everyday if I’m here and then off with my mama and brother. We went to the beach for some familia time. I’m realizing that when CELEBRITY REHAB IS AIRING I get really nervous…there was alot going on with STEVEN ADLER. He overcame and was able to heal from that experience… he really is a doll. This season is going to be pretty wild…and powerful.. when we came back from the beach I watched the show with my family then rushed to the gym for 40 minutes but I wasn’t centered or even in the moment cuz my phone was blowing up … I believe that while I work out I need to be focused on what I’m doing. I’ve been doing the stairmasters and my little Jack Lalanes look-alike man actually taught me the other day how to do it correctly… he said for me “not to lean on the machine and stand straight on it and smile at God” (which meant my boobies should aim high) soooo cute and pushing down while squeezing my booty would change everything on my body-and I must say it is sooooo much harder….I ate badly the last 3 days and gained 4 lbs… ughhhhh… that means lots and lots of water and I’m on eating healthy again …. I might do just eating clean no oils or carbs and no butter in my food for nxt few days….I have so much to say but I’m beat. Promise tomorrow I’ll have more to say… ohhhh major important to the ladies plzzzzzzzzzzz use Neutrogena spf 100-best product for not getting sun spots and keeping ur face protected … I’ve been using other super expensive products-but this is by far the best… and cheeeaaapppp…..


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Jul
01.
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What a powerful day for me… a spiritual based day for me … I woke up rather early cuz I had made plans to go to a WOMENS MEETING, which I heard about this particular one for a very long time… I have to say it was a just as what I heard ….POWERFUL… it was in the PALISADES…my girlfriend and I took a beautiful drive out there…. I just felt wonderful afterwards…

I then came back to my POCKETSIZE’S casa creative where I did phoners (interviews) for a while for EPISODE 2 of CELEBRITY REHAB , which airs this SUNDAY on VH1… I love doing them… I have a wonderful team … My MANAGER MARKI COSTELLO has a great passion for what she does and a great vision…. I’m honored to say that she believes in me and sees how to market me….ohhhhh I’m sooooo excited for my future…. my other part of my team is my PUBLICIST VALERIE ALLEN and she is a force… she seriously is a bad ass… she also has her team too… Valerie has been away on vacation and I’ve been working w EMILY INGERSOLL who is w Valerie’s camp…. I absolutely LOVE Emily…. she is doing such a great job…. she gets me and is pushing hard for me…. sometimes on an hr. to hr. basis my schedule is changing… I know that I am busy til the middle of Aug…. I have a meeting w her tomorrow…. I feel her passion… we speak the same language…  I also have other team players on my team, but right now  I’m working hand and hand with these women… OHHHH THE WOMAN IN MY LIFE HOW I LOVE THEE (ALL)

I spent some great quality time w AMY on her drive way just sitting in the middle of her drive way while half the world walked by… we were so united in OUR world that it didn’t matter… I’m sure it did look odd ,but I did not care it was OUR moment and time…. I ended up at the gym and did errands … on the way to my mamas I had a long talk w my sponsor Theresa and was just sobbing while speaking w her… I was crying because she is magical… I was crying because I felt free, she said to me “WELCOME INTO THE WORLD OF BEING LIBERATED THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BABY” I knew at that moment that I was relieved of that bondage that has been holding me back and no longer can “it” control me… I will eventually feel comfortable to talk about it…we talked for a long time…. I called AMY sobbing to thank her for her love and accepting all of me….

Today I was in conversation w very influential people that are in my life that I respect and adore… they are my family  in recovery… my sweet GEORGE who I absolutely adore who has alot of time… he is such a rock to me and boy have we danced a dance … I lean on him and just listen to him like a little girl looking at her father… I admire and love that man from Brooklyn… he rates high on my meter… for many reasons ….thank u GEOOOOOORGE! I doubt he reads this but u guys need to know how much I love that man….

I ended up at my homegroup meeting where my sponsie Carly became a secretary at… I came early to help her on her first night. I sat there in awe of this little angel … I can’t believe how far she’s come… thats the beauty of working w others is when u see the lights come on in their eyes… I’ve seen many lights on many men and woman come on and that’s the gift for me…ohhhh I was so proud and am so proud of her…2 meetings in 1 day for me… wooooow! Afterwards Scott, Jeff , Carly and I just sat outside LEH and talked recovery and about our lives for a long long time … I have to say I truly love them and I feel safe around them and we’re just people trying to recover and function in this thing called life. I just felt part of something that was more profound than outside stuff… my spirit was filled all day…the answers came because my house was in order… it was friggin awesome today in my life and in my skin….

learn daily the lesson of trust in the midst of the storms of life. Gods command is the same.be grateful, humble ,calm and loving to all people . Leave each soul the better for having met u or heard u. For all kinds of people, this should be ur attitude, a loving desire to help and an infectious spirit of calmness and trust in God. “U have the answer to loneliness and fear which is calm faith in the goodness and purpose of the universe”… I just love this mediation ….thank u Stretch 🙂



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Jun
30.
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I only slept 3 1/2 on SUNDAY NITE  so when I woke up on MONDAY I knew that I was going to be on a rollercoaster of a ride that day… I now know that I had emotionally and mentally ran myself to exhaustion.  I put a lot of pressure on myself…well I’m getting better but still…and w CELEBRITY REHAB SEASON 5 AIRING LAST SUNDAY I WAS NERVOUS….why??? The “am I enough” syndrome…would people like me?  I’m too damn hard on myself… I went to PRC to go do my group then had a staff meeting there…rushed to L.A to the gym, got my workout on then rushed to AMY’s (POCKETSIZE) house then off I went to an AA meeting …ran a few errands then came back to her house to literally shower and get dressed to head over to the “ROXY” on SUNSET… AMY has such a vision and is a huge part of my NEW CHAPTER …MY NEW TRANSFORMATION. So MISS POCKET, EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS’ed MY STYLE and she looked at the dress I had on & she said “ummmm no, ur going to put MY dress on” Ya hello HERVE LEGER super small ok extra small …. I said “umm no I couldn’t fit into that” She then said “ummm ya u can , ur tiny”… so off it went (she just said to me  that I was wearing a shirt,grrrrrr lmao) and more importantly ON IT WENT, IT FIT!!!!!!! WAAAAALAAAA! We drove together to the “ROXY” for the “FRIENDLY HOUSE 60TH ANNIVERSARY BENEFIT”… I was opening the show, oh yes I was nervous. Sold out event, and we all were wearing a POINTER SISTERS COSTUME from the past 45 yrs.. pretty cool, many musicians performed…actors…. comedians… and back stage we had stylists like AMY, hair dressers like SEAN JAMES (who I love ) and his team of assistants and make up artist like CRYSTAL (who did my face that night) VOLUNTEERING their time and talents as well as so many people who volunteered from all over for this benefit …. I had been there from 4ish till way past midnight and let me tell u I hit a wall, not literally but physically… one thing about me is that when I’m done, IM DONE!!!!!and call me rude, moody whatevs I just shut down and lights out….

TUESDAY I had a lot of stuff going on and Thank God I slept a little. I did interviews and went to an AA meeting when I got home I went in the back yard at Amy’s…I just needed “ME” time… I responded to a whole hell of alot of txts, emails, phone calls, twitter, fb emails , messages etc. etc. and got my agenda for JULY/AUGUST caught up and then wrote all while taking some sun in for about 3 hrs…I had interviews yesterday for CELEB REHAB and then off I went to do the “OH MARY” show on www.latalkradio.com in the valley. when I got home I was so tired and drained…yet I proceeded to do more work via computer and finally again hit that wall. I was delirious and my girl AUNG thankfully came to the rescue-helping by cleaning up all the mess I do on the computer…

Today I worked again at PRC doing my group, some errands, drs appt in Santa Monica, gym time (saw Mr. Jeremy Jackson and his girl there) did some returns at fasion PR firm REDLIGHT( they are so good to me there) more errands and back for more interviews and work via computer… tonights got to be an early night for me…I’m kinda excited for a long weekend. I just need it to be mellow  at times. My life is full and busy, which I LOVE… but it’s also important to find my balance…

I have received OVERWHELMING SUPPORT from EVERYONE ON ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIA REGARDING CELEBRITY REHAB …. THANK YOU FOR THAT… I will get into more how I’ve lost all my weight, over coming heavy obstacles and just life when I’m not so tired…



                                                                                                        


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Jun
25.
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Yesterday was a fantastic day…woke up happy, wrote in my personal journal and I paid bills over phone… went to the gym and rushed home to start more interviews…. I did internet interviews ,lots of phoners and radio interviews and my favorite MATTY Ps interview and pod cast… I did his show right when I split from my x a few months back and I was in such an uncomfortable place …. they even noticed that I sound different now…. it made me happy… he is such a great guy and his pod cast and live show does super well..he even told me they broke their live show record of  listeners by 3x’s the amount….they have call ins and I was soooooo surprised to get a call from Mandi H and I was touched by that …. then one of my bratzzz called in and floored me Miss.Deb D…. she was so honest and sincere w/ what she said and I was so moved and I also know Matty was as well… she made me cry… it’s moments like that , that I know what im doing is all so worth it… I know many others who were listening  were touched by what she had said… I then rushed to get ready cuz I was invited to go to the HTC 3D EVO LAUNCH PARTY. I did alot of press,on camera interviews and the press photographers  RED CARPET was on FIRE for me…what a fun fabulous party that was… I saw a lot of people I really liked and had great conversations. LMFAO performed, they were AWESOME….MY GIRL SARAH PANTARA did a great party , they were so good to me-even provided me w/ car service. One of my BESTIES MANDY SHERMAN was my date… I really love her…I was so beat when I got home, because doing those events are a lot of work  I really mean alot of work, that i just had to go to bed. I slept 8 hrs. and woke up, talked w/ my POCKETSIZE AMY for an hr. and off I went on my day, did an AA meeting which was powerful then came to my mama’s house to take her out to eat, & shopping.  Spent some time w/ her and my baby MICKEY…my mama has missed me so I’m w/ her for the nxt few days. Gosh I’m such a mama’s girl w/ her … then I went to the gym for 50 minutes came home and walked my little MICKERS… he was so happy to be w me… I love when he pee’s with his little leg way up and looks like a little ballerina… throughout the whole day I’m on my emails and calls for work . I’ts really a crazy time because of CELEBRITY REHAB AIRING THIS SUNDAY ON VH1… I’m a little nervous because I know what comes w/ doing this kind of show…but in the long run it’s all so worth it because it helps alot of people and it’s bringing awareness to the disease of ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ADDICTION to the surface…I’M PROUD TO BE IN RECOVERY!!!! Since I’ve been home at my mama’s tonight I’ve been working and finally I get to go to bed soon….

my godmama of recovery Patty has been a huge help of support and LOVE to me as well as many others… like my chica, raggie, theresa, anna my bratz nappyz , debz,aungz (my luffz beyond words) , daddy dave, marg, sandro, al, rhonda , chris,jeff and so many others all from twitter and fb… thank u guys.. you’ve been such a great support… I appreciate u all.

Now it’s me and MICKERS time and I think we’re going to go and harass my mama as she sleeps till I get yelled at and run to my room like a little girl….



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