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I was just sitting and staring at the computer thinking “where do I start?” I guess I had a great last few days… then in the wee hrs. of the morning  I had a panic attack…. I had very little sleep the night befor ,it being Fathers Day-guess that was the trigger that set the ball in motion for me . I went to see my dad at the cemetery and just sat by his grave for a while ….on my way there I listened to tangos and then played one of his favorite songs he used to love. I’ve never done that before… I just wanted a sense of my dad… I talked to him and then just sat there waiting to hear an answer… sometimes I get it, sometimes I don’t. I felt myself detaching because it was just too real for me. On my way home it was just silence all around me….guess I just shut down. I didn’t get an answer yesterday…
It sounds like all I write lately is dark but it’s really not… I guess cuz I haven’t opened myself up about my day to day life  publicly before… I feel raw and vulnerable… I do have to say I have alot of wonderful moments in my life… pretty extraordinary moments actually…

The last 48 hrs I’ve had a total of 8hrs of sleep… I woke up at 6:30am this morning-I kept changing my alarm I guess for more sleep. I had 40 minutes to get to PRC for a group I did there today… there was no brushing of the teeth or even time for a pee… but I did get there exactly on time then wooshed off back home to  brush the teeth then I did IN TOUCH” mag …did other interviews as well…I had my gym time then even went to the bank and dealt w/ some banking things all on  my own…. big girl things…regardless I did it and it felt great…. my little brother and I had plans to hang out,so we had brother /sister night…I’ve been on the computer working  as well. My day starts earlier tomorrow w/ many interviews and then an event tomorrow night…there’s also gym time to fit in there as well and few other things… gonna be a long one tomorrow… but this is the fun  part of it all … there’s alot of  footwork that goes into this… if u guys only knew… but I LOVE IT!!!!!  One interview I’m doing tomorrow is VH1 BLOG… I am the voice for the show… one of the interviews  I’m going to be doing tomorrow is w/ vh1 and I will be the voice for the blogs weekly ( I was blessed  to do it for SOBERHOUSE 1&2) which I find to be a huge honor for me to represent the show for and on VH1….I have to say this season of CELEBRITY REHAB IS GOING TO BE POWERFUL!!!!

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