its been a little over a month and a half since i wrapped SOBER HOUSE 2… i have to say that this time around there was a greater growing  experience for me… i learned more about the disease of alcoholism and addiction… more about compassion,patience,anger,my body,exercise,sleep depervation,saddness,frustration,happiness,joy,the ability to push thru,accomplishment,being of sevice,tolerance and most important love …this group of courageous men and women were very sharp,intelligent,witty,kind,scared,loving sweet and tender souls…i have to say i was kept on my toes most of the time…This disease of alcohol and drugs is deadly and really isnt a joke it wants us dead…Thank You cast Dennis,Heidi,Tom,Mike,Seth,Jenny,Kendra and Kerrie Anne…i would like to Thank Dr.Drew, John Irwin,Damien Sullivan,Bob Forrest,VH1,Dr.Sophy,Will,Loesha, Noah Pollack,Bruce Toms,Rob Buchta,Alison ,Mark J,Patrick,Louie,Stephanie,Mark P,J.R ,and the crew ,CREW CREW CREW(for being my nightly rock and sense of reality)….also Tom , Sponsor, Rachel and Alec for taking care of me while i was at war!!!…i know it sounds like a lot  of people to thank but it took all our sweat, gutts and tears to do this show…

Its just been an odd time for me the last 10 days or so … first I finished a big project and 2 days later I got sick… It was my first time off in months and I was wiped out ,exhausted and run down… Then i got depressed… I also got to feel my true feelings about stuff… Loss was a big factor realizing my dads birthday was just around the corner… This year I missed him and i was trying to remember if we had certain conversations and I could’t…Man just writing that makes me sad…Its o.k  someday I may be able too remember or just have that talk with my dad… I’ll be really honest I MISS MY DAD AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET 30 SECONDS  WITH HIM, but the truth of the matter is my dads in heaven now …well needless to say I started realizing I havent been taking care of myself and thankfully i have tools in life on how to cope… sometimes I have to hit my head over and over again to finally realize it hurts… Im still sick now this virus is in my throat… this too shall pass… Its a new week and i believe that its a new dawn and I had some lessons to learn and to experience these new feelings such as loss in a different way this time… On another note the show I’m on Model Latina is still airing on SiTV @pm EST/PST … It was kinda hard for me to be so judgemental on these beautiful ,courages and inspiring women…

Let me know if u do watch it and what u think xoxooxox

oh the days of spending quality time with my family was starting to weigh on me… i got the opportunity this weekend…. life has been very full for me the last 9 months … with that said i’m certainly not complaining…. i’m living my dreams today …. i do have to find the balance cuz i just go go go and then i get sick and its like God doing for me what i cant yet seem to balance… balance! ha!!!!i took my ma and godmother along with Tom to the beach Saturday and Sun it was me and the girls to Venice Beach Ca…the boardwalk jeez i wanted to scream i personally dont like so many people in one place…. i did take the ladies to Sidewalk Cafe and i watched the people perform and own their space… people call them crazy but i was in awe of ther prescense,as this band performed Jeff  Buckleys “Hallelujah” and this woman who really loved her moves just danced and i think she might perform with them alot… i couldnt get my eyes off them…. the courage that they had… kinda fasinating to me…well now i’m sick , probably just runned down….i’,m honestly glad i dont use anymore… it really has thrown me off poor DJ AM dying…. i am so sad for everyone who knew him and his poor family… he was an incredible man…i just think man that could be me … those “just one more times” us in recovery say …. i have said that time and time again, my relapses…i’m just grateful 3 yrs &7 months & 23 days  ago my life began healing and i havent had to use or drink since… its just a miracle how lucky i am to have breath… its just so nice to have a grin on my face knowing at this very moment im ok !!!