its really my favorite time of the year… fall /winter is so gorgeous all over really! so much is going on … alot of  growth  comes from  growing pains they say, but it doesnt always feel so good. im confused if its me or if its just what happens in this wonderful thing called life…am i doing the right thing? am i enough? is this Gods will… i should just stop and let be what will be (i guess)….i watched Marley and Me  all the while holding Mickey screaming ,crying  with snot dripping in my house last nite.i first saw the movie on a plane (poor person next to me) …. oh my i was a mess on that plane…. i would of embarrassed anyone who knows me … that movie just gets me …i have to say Mickey just fasinates me … he means so much to me … really the one thing that has loved me so unconditonally fat or skinny, happy or sad, ugly or pretty  he just looks at me like i am ruler of  his  universe if i could be have the woman he thinks i am on a daily basis i would rule my own universe….he shows me what uncondional love is and looks like… at the end of the day we all just want to be loved… thats it just that simple… i want to be loved …

boy ive been a bundle of tears today…i havent cried i mean really cried in so long…so today it just pored out… i feel like a lot of “new ” things are going on in my life…ive been traveling so much lately, i actually like it ,being in different cities … except ive been around a hell of a lot of people  and at times it gets to me … i call it  wearing the mask syndrome…( smile here, be nice there, look like this , say that) …i just dont believe the b.s of it all…and after a while i wonder if people would just like me for me ( the real me)…maybe if i wasnt so tired today i wouldnt be such a debbie downer , jeez…i was recently in “Miami” … i have to say it was a magical experience for me… im hoping i can go back there and kinda make it a home away from home place…or…just keep working there … i miss my “Miami”

…like i said before so many new things are happenin in my life and im just trying to show up for it all… i have to say i suck ass real bad i kept saying i was goin to start bloggin but these days the way life is for me if i have my shoes on as i leave out the door every morning its a lucky day , so getting on the computer is a miracle when it happens …i promised quite a few people that i would blog more often and i didnt keep my word …. i dont like empty promises so sorry….mickey is so cute right now he is kissin me and sitting on my neck like a parrot this little guy is such a trip with his crazy personality u just never know what to expect well…. he always is a loving mamas boy its kinda riduclous we were out earlier and he was into just makin out and anytime people touched him he would take a deep breath and start kissin me ….like a possesive boyfriend… i loved it !!!!!!!!!!!

its been a little over a month and a half since i wrapped SOBER HOUSE 2… i have to say that this time around there was a greater growing  experience for me… i learned more about the disease of alcoholism and addiction… more about compassion,patience,anger,my body,exercise,sleep depervation,saddness,frustration,happiness,joy,the ability to push thru,accomplishment,being of sevice,tolerance and most important love …this group of courageous men and women were very sharp,intelligent,witty,kind,scared,loving sweet and tender souls…i have to say i was kept on my toes most of the time…This disease of alcohol and drugs is deadly and really isnt a joke it wants us dead…Thank You cast Dennis,Heidi,Tom,Mike,Seth,Jenny,Kendra and Kerrie Anne…i would like to Thank Dr.Drew, John Irwin,Damien Sullivan,Bob Forrest,VH1,Dr.Sophy,Will,Loesha, Noah Pollack,Bruce Toms,Rob Buchta,Alison ,Mark J,Patrick,Louie,Stephanie,Mark P,J.R ,and the crew ,CREW CREW CREW(for being my nightly rock and sense of reality)….also Tom , Sponsor, Rachel and Alec for taking care of me while i was at war!!!…i know it sounds like a lot  of people to thank but it took all our sweat, gutts and tears to do this show…

Its just been an odd time for me the last 10 days or so … first I finished a big project and 2 days later I got sick… It was my first time off in months and I was wiped out ,exhausted and run down… Then i got depressed… I also got to feel my true feelings about stuff… Loss was a big factor realizing my dads birthday was just around the corner… This year I missed him and i was trying to remember if we had certain conversations and I could’t…Man just writing that makes me sad…Its o.k  someday I may be able too remember or just have that talk with my dad… I’ll be really honest I MISS MY DAD AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET 30 SECONDS  WITH HIM, but the truth of the matter is my dads in heaven now …well needless to say I started realizing I havent been taking care of myself and thankfully i have tools in life on how to cope… sometimes I have to hit my head over and over again to finally realize it hurts… Im still sick now this virus is in my throat… this too shall pass… Its a new week and i believe that its a new dawn and I had some lessons to learn and to experience these new feelings such as loss in a different way this time… On another note the show I’m on Model Latina is still airing on SiTV @pm EST/PST … It was kinda hard for me to be so judgemental on these beautiful ,courages and inspiring women…

Let me know if u do watch it and what u think xoxooxox

oh the days of spending quality time with my family was starting to weigh on me… i got the opportunity this weekend…. life has been very full for me the last 9 months … with that said i’m certainly not complaining…. i’m living my dreams today …. i do have to find the balance cuz i just go go go and then i get sick and its like God doing for me what i cant yet seem to balance… balance! ha!!!!i took my ma and godmother along with Tom to the beach Saturday and Sun it was me and the girls to Venice Beach Ca…the boardwalk jeez i wanted to scream i personally dont like so many people in one place…. i did take the ladies to Sidewalk Cafe and i watched the people perform and own their space… people call them crazy but i was in awe of ther prescense,as this band performed Jeff  Buckleys “Hallelujah” and this woman who really loved her moves just danced and i think she might perform with them alot… i couldnt get my eyes off them…. the courage that they had… kinda fasinating to me…well now i’m sick , probably just runned down….i’,m honestly glad i dont use anymore… it really has thrown me off poor DJ AM dying…. i am so sad for everyone who knew him and his poor family… he was an incredible man…i just think man that could be me … those “just one more times” us in recovery say …. i have said that time and time again, my relapses…i’m just grateful 3 yrs &7 months & 23 days  ago my life began healing and i havent had to use or drink since… its just a miracle how lucky i am to have breath… its just so nice to have a grin on my face knowing at this very moment im ok !!!

Well this my first post via blackberry… I hope it goes thru correct…I tried to toast a bagel this morning and of course I burnt it! I am running around L.A doing work stuff and seem to be trying to just be in the moment but today my head is loud. I don’t know about u but I allow so much nonsense to get in my own way. I,in writing am asking God to come into the picture and my NOW and to please carry me thru this day! Inga from random talk radio called me out on my blogging and I’ve lagged for a while, Thank You girl for calling me out on it. I lag no longer. I so enjoyed doing that interview. So much has happened in the last month and a half and I will talk about my experience a bit later. How life just happens and how amazing to be present to see it thru. Its amazing to me that NO MATTER what we get thru it. I have missed this xoxo

JENNIFER GIMENEZ is back on RANDOM TALK RADIO! Tune in to hear JENNIFER dish out details about her new hit show MODEL LATINA & the upcoming SOBER HOUSE 2! She is back and is BETTER THAN EVER! You can’t miss this show! 

 i literally prayed in the morning and tried to the best of my ability to meditate…asking God for his strength to encourage me and protect… ahhh a moment of peace and…BAM life came at me… that curve ball came at me and hit me hard…  i made it thru though …i am in a place that i am waiting ……it feels like everything is up in the air… have i done enough… i think so… its good enough for today … mickey looks like a little chorizo … he has been eating so much , which is a good thing … he sometimes eat then doesnt… his hair is growing back and he seems happy…the other morning he backed his butt inbetween Tom and I and we lost it … like moonwalking into the pillow… classsic…he helps me water the backyard by fighting with the holes… helps me vacuum by barking like crazy and biting the vacuum… and helps me go to the bathroom by coming in and attacking the plunger and barking at it everytime … he is so helpful this little one… and he sends us off on our marry way when we leave by biting us and crying and barking…. seriously he has got an incredible personality…. never a dull moment with him …. and forget about when he finds things that have sequence on it … u just better kiss that one good bye ….

holy crapper im so beat to shreds…to get some things out there i read all my comments and respond to all my emails from facebook, myspace and this site…people have been asking me that alot lately…there are days and even weeks when i dont have a second to get on and check all this …how do people make time for all this up keep via internet… brushing my teeth is schedule in my days lately… here is where i blog though and just tell my stuff my most personal place on the inernet… today was Fathers Day and i had a moment where i just cried … i honestly miss my dad … what i would do to have 30 seconds with him …the truth is i cant and ill have to wait til that one day …its been really busy lately in my life and i get a bit overwhelmed but man im showing up for this thing called life… i will look for the miracles today as i wish that for u too xoxooxox

note to self … dont ever help a man fix the sprinklers right after getting ur nails done in the rain, it causes for bad hands… oh wow lately ive been on the GO … honestly i wish there was enough time in the day to do all the things that need to be done in my life… then i stop for a hot second and think to myself “wait my life a year ago was nothing like this “…. so i am thankful for that  moment i had today  realizing i have a life thats full … my dreams are coming true … yes i trip on alot of little things but theyre just things at the end of the day… i can go to bed knowing that im a good daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, family member, employee, employer and mommy to mickey … my body is so sore… i have been training so hard lately … i got this trainer who whipped me a new one today… ok im beat … thats it i just hit a wall…so good nite